Alliteration

[JDP]

Thanks, TPA

Threddy, perhaps you could shuffle the words around a bit; I'd agree that the double 'had' is more offputting than the alliteration. Maybe:

A familiar feeling came over Toshu, the same sensation he had felt when he healed Hacha.

Ha, ha - there's more alliteration in there than ever now! I think I might just be best of keeping my nose out of this; apparently I'm an alliteration addict (Aaaaaaaargh!)!

[chrispenycate]

You think you've got problems – I've got a dragon travelling with a wagon. It all happened perfectly logically; but every five or six sentences, when they're in the road, I have to dispose of an inadvertent rhyme (and a slag on a dragon wagon is something to avoid)

[Ursa major]

As long as neither is hag-ridden, Chris....

[Selati]

Sounds like a rag-tag group to me.

[Threddy]

Thanks for the posts.
Chris, your problem really did amuse me.

I'll just change some of the words so there's not too much annoying alliteration. This annoying alliteration angers me alot.

Ed - Threddy

[RcGrant]

Originally Posted by Threddy

This annoying alliteration angers me alot.

Shame. It sure likes you.

[Leisha]

I think brevity is the key here. You're repeating yourself by saying, "A familiar sensation came over..." and then "...the same feeling he...'. Sometimes this works well (even I use it). But in a line where you're already struggling to create something that flows, cut out the unecessary bits and see what you can make of it.


I've tried and I get: Toshu experienced the same feeling as when he’d healed Hacha.

Sure, you're missing a little flair, but you can work on that.

[The Curious Orange]

There's a wonderful scene in one of Jasper FForde's books about the use of "had had" and how authors need special permission to use this, how that permission can be withdrawn, and how sometimes the permission to use it can be dependant on the permission to use it elsewhere.
All of which leads to the (perfectly sensible given the context) line: "Had had had had had had had."

Which I found hilarious, and always think of whenever I see a "had had". Personally, I try to avoid them, but there are some times when no other wording will fit the rythym of the prose.