Still working on Chapter two Dragon's eye

[Damiynn]

Lost my other computer to, someone stole the power cord, so I cant post whole chapter but here is a little, just wanted to see if this read right or not.


Micah stood over the pile, examining it closely. The brace saddle, as Noraxxis had called it was huge and had several wicked looking hooks that he has sure he was going to have to place under the dragon’s scales. Where he assumed his legs would be, there were lashes woven into the leather with large straps and instead of stirrups there were holders that could be raised or lowered for his feet to go into. Immediately he noticed that there was no halter or reigns amongst the gear.

“How do I control our flight or determine the direction in which we fly if there is no bridle?”

Noraxxis gave him a flat-eyed stare and a disgusted snort. “You don’t.” Shaking his head and rolling his eyes, the large dragon said, “Control my fligh, bah! What do I look like, a horse? You ride and I fly, that’s they way it always has been and that’s the way it always will be.”

Micah sensed something in the dragon’s manner as he said this but ignored it and threw Noraxxis a sidelong glare, which he deliberately ignored and asked, “So, how do I put this thing on you? It looks rather complicated.”

He had ridden a few horses in his day, but never had he imagined putting hooks into one in order to do so.

“First,” the dragon said as if it was scolding an awkward child, “You need to stop waving that medallion around as if it were a club and put it on like you were supposed to have done nine years ago.”

Another glare and Micah slowly slipped the golden medallion with its dark red stone over his head.

The dragon’s growling voice filled his ears but somehow even though it was next to him, it sounded as if it were miles away. “Have no fear man of the blood, the eye will guide you along the right path and show you the way.”

Micah stared down at the medallion on his chest and felt nothing. Looking back at the brace saddle he thought, this is silly, I don’t know what the hell I am doing. Like the words In service to all that had brought him here by filling his head, suddenly his mind was filled with the memories of hundreds of other men. Each started issuing him directions in a chorus of voices. Hoarse, coarse, grainy, deep, faint and shrill, they all started telling him what he was to do.

As if the voices were controlling his movements, Micah felt his hands take up the brace saddle and somehow he knew where and how to place it. Dropping it over a spot on Noraxxis’ neck near where his shoulders began and the spikes were missing, he shifted it until it sat perfectly in place. Climbing back down, he grabbed up a long bar with a slightly scooped end and looked for the place he wanted. He found it immediately when he saw the scarring on the blood red scales where hooks had been placed before. Following the instructions of the voices, he shoved the long bar in under the large red scale and set two hooks. Turning he did the exact same thing behind him and on the other side of the dragon’s neck.

“That wasn’t so hard I guess,” he said admiring his handiwork.

“It never is,” Noraxxis said snidely, “when you have the help of all of the other eye bearers that came before you helping.”

[Mouse]

This sentence confused me a little:
Micah sensed something in the dragon’s manner as he said this but ignored it and threw Noraxxis a sidelong glare, which he deliberately ignored and asked, “So, how do I put this thing on you? It looks rather complicated.”

Maybe the 'which he deliberately ignored' bit isn't needed?

Also this:
“It never is,” Noraxxis said snidely, “when you have the help of all of the other eye bearers that came before you helping.” Needs tweaking a little. Help and helping is a little awkward.

I liked it though, the character of Noraxxis seems interesting.

[Damiynn]

thanks mouse I definitely missed the help and helping part,, changing that right now.. will look at the other, but that is part of what was missing along with my computer cord. Never mind I changed it and thanks,,

Now the first part reads,, Micah sensed something a change in the dragon's manner but ignored it and threw Noraxxis a sidelong glare, "So...

[chrispenycate]

The brace saddle, as Noraxxis had called it was huge and had several wicked looking hooks

comma after "it"

there were lashes woven into the leather with large straps and instead of stirrups there were holders .

I suppose that if you can be "lashed in" there must be a use of "lash" as a binding; but what it brings up for me is a whip. And I'd put commas round "instead of stirrups ".

there was no halter or reigns amongst the gear.

reins

“Control my fligh

flight

The dragon’s growling voice filled his ears but somehow even though it was next to him, it sounded as if it were miles away. “Have no fear man of the blood, the eye will guide you along the right path and show you the way.”

commas after "somehow", "fear" and "blood"

he said admiring his handiwork.

comma after "said"

[Damiynn]

knew you were going to catch those chis, thanks