New Poetry Thread

[mirinda]

Intriguing. Very good Precise.

[Zubi-Ondo]

Did you folks know about this thread: Do You Write Poetry? (?)

Nevermind. I didn't see that it was locked. Why'd they do that?

- Z.

[Precise Calibre]

Meant to reply earlier, but got sidetracked writing my own piece.

Heretic:

I like at least half your pieces, the Ancient Tactic and the Diversity Reply definitely had some power in them.


J.D.:

For as repetitive as it is, the poem you wrote was definitely well-executed.


Karn:

I really like this one, it has very powerful imagery and a message to boot. Funny, if you found something to replace "Capitol Hill", this poem could be adapted to many travesties throughout human history.


Mirinda:

Yikes! Scary stuff there; is there real-life inspiration that brings life to these passages, or are you just that good at capturing a dark hopelessness?

[Precise Calibre]

A body, draped thinly over the landscape like a sleeping beast
Though it is lifeless and has no soul, it cannot be called dead
It has veins and arteries and yet no blood pumps through its body
Though it has no arms and cannot feel, it touches everything
It has no organs and yet possesses many hearts and brains
Though it has no legs and cannot move, it is everywhere at once


It cannot think and yet it knows all
It has no eyes and yet it sees all
It has no ears and yet it hears all


It is everything and yet it is nothing




-- a response to the internet bit Heretic wrote.

[j. d. worthington]

A response to the comments on my little bit of impromptu there:

Thanks for the kind words. It really was an impromptu, and would need some serious work before I'd consider it anything more than that, but it does sum up a bit of my philosophy toward life. One thing, though, Heretic -- while your reading is certainly a valid one, I had in mind a broader application (in a sense): that this sort of self-doubt and taking stock of our lives is something we all do from time to time, and often becomes more frequent as we enter the latter half of our lives; but, for all the painful memories and the disappointments and realizations of the bad choices we've made, there is a balance (with most of us) of the good, and sometimes we even reach a point where we realize that what we took to be the "sere of the leaf" is only a beginning, just as our real leaving of this life leaves an opening for a new life, yet unborn, to unfold as well....

A bit trite really, I suppose, but a genuine picture of a mood... even if an unpolished one.

[mirinda]

Life is inspiration Precise.


Interesting idea there Precise.

[Heretic]

Magnificent, both precise and Worthington.

[Manarion]

A Coward's Insomnia-DARK!

(may not be entire thing-written a while ago, so may be missing a verse or two. I'll say so in the end if it is.)


Death holds you in a bind
Always looming on your mind
Daybreak's waiting just ahead
And yet you lie awake in bed

Walk the road of hellish dreams
No one there to hear your screams
Sleep you always have to fight
So it won't take hold at night

And once more you lay in bed
What comes next you really dread
But in the morning all is well
You lived through another night of Hell

And every night it is the same
Thoughts always leaving how they came
You say a prayer to the night sky
On your knees so you won't die

But will this cycle ever end?
Will sleep ever be your friend?
Or will you always lie awake?
So your soul the Lord won't take?


Well, what do you know? Remembered it all!

[mirinda]

That is dark Karn. Good job remembering all of it.

[Manarion]

Considering I haven't seen it for months, I'd say good job remembering it.


But the rhythym, flow, meter. What about those?

[Heretic]

Basically this is like my poem of sleeping, except better and darker.

[Manarion]

Hehe.

*sigh* Did anyone try reading it out loud?

[Heretic]

I am a sugar cube in the bitter coffee

unhealthy, yet enjoyable

Each grain has sweet surprises, yet they are quick to disappear

when you put me in a dim liquid

I sweeten it up

though beneath the disguise I am the bane to your life.

Don't know the meaning of this. Maybe being vain and talking about me. Who knows. I just felt like writing about a sugar cube.

[Heretic]

My mouth is too sore from trying. I'll try tomorrow.

[Grimward]

Originally Posted by Manarion

Hehe.

*sigh* Did anyone try reading it out loud?

I did. If you pause in the middle of each line, it works out fine. If you demand that it flow from start to end on each line, maybe some additional work, but I like it with the pause in the middle. See other comment back in TR.