Confused: Agent feedback.

[SJAB]

I have been submitting my latest effort for a few months now, and well, for the first time I am getting a lot more of personal rejections. I have even had some to and fro correspondence with a big UK agent, who certainly wants to see my next effort (when it is written).

The thing is this the beginning of manuscript I am submitting seems to be causing a split, some agents are liking it, but still rejecting it. Others seem to dislike it to the point they are commenting on it. (A sort of victory, anyway, they took enough interest in the submission to say why they didn't like it)

Now, I know I took a risk with the first page and a half (submission pages) It is just dialogue, but my main character can't see the speakers, only hear them, he doesn't know them, and is semi-conscious, disconnected mentally from everything around him due to the circumstances he is in, in fact he thinks he is dead. So the first few pages are disjointed, as I am trying to show the reader what the character is feeling/hearing and not reacting too. Only half way down the second page do I show the reader the situation of the main character.

The problem I have is that the feedback is getting me more confused with each day. Agents are, it seems, certainly reading my work, in fact moved enough to comment on it, but honestly I don't know which to jump. Stick with the beginning for my next batch of submissions, or alter it to bring the descriptive part of the character's situation to in front of the dialogue. It is very easy to do and fits well, just two small lines need to be removed.

Any thoughts on the matter would be welcome...

[Scarfy]

If you're actually getting constructive feedback, then that's a good thing.

Most people will simply get a letter or slip of card saying something along the lines of "We don't believe we are the right agency to correctly represent your material". Yeah, I've had loads of them.

So what are they saying to you? Is it things you can capitalize on? And if they're saying they'd be willing to look at it once you've made revisions, then go ahead and make the changes they've suggested.

(note - I've never had anything published, and have only had one rejection that gave me any constructive feedback)

[Meadowhawk]

What type of mss is it, Susan? What genre?

[iansales]

If it's easy to move the descriptive section... then you've nothing really to lose by moving it. At the very least, the feedback you get back after the move will give you more of a clue to how people are reacting to the page and a half of overheard dialogue.

[Troo]

Originally Posted by SJAB

The thing is this the beginning of manuscript I am submitting seems to be causing a split, some agents are liking it, but still rejecting it. Others seem to dislike it to the point they are commenting on it. (A sort of victory, anyway, they took enough interest in the submission to say why they didn't like it)

As an editor, I can assure you that any editor who bothers giving you feedback sees something in your writing. It's the ones we really don't like that just get the form rejection emails, because we can't find a single positive thing to say so it's best to say nothing at all

Disclaimer: Yes, some people send form rejection letters simply due to time constraints. Either way, the fact that you've gotten personalised rejection notifications suggests that you stand out from the crowd.

As for your first page: Purely based on your description I'd say ditch it. You should launch in with something that grabs your reader's attention. Disconnected voices and no protagonist to latch on to early on will convince most commercial readers to put the book back on the shelf when they read the first few lines to see if they want to buy your book. And editors who publish commercially viable product have to take that into consideration.

[SJAB]

Originally Posted by Meadowhawk

What type of mss is it, Susan? What genre?

Hi,

How are you? Hope things are going well.

It is 97,000 word supernatural historical thriller. Does that make sense?

The story begins on the western front, Passchendaele 1917 with an officer caught on the wire in a shell hole, listening to two men in the front trench, some yards away talking about another officer.

The style for the first section set in France does have a distinctive
rhythm/word use which eases away as the main character begins to interact with the world around him. I based it on the style used by many first world war poets for their longer pieces. I thought it captured the confusion and horror, without going into tonnes of descriptive info dump.

I feel it is one of the best things I have written so far, but then I am a bit blinkered with this one, far more than anything else I have written.

Troo and Ian, I have swapped round the sections I mentioned and sent it off to two agents, wanting just short samples, today. I will consider doing it for the next batch of major ones.(Three chapter snail mail ones) I tend not to hurry, still have a few outstanding snail mail ones + email ones with sample chapters and email queries. Until these clear, (Or three months pass on the email queries) I don't plan to send out any more.

It's just the comments seem to be polarised, even my test readers either loved it or hated the beginning. (Thankfully they all liked the rest of the story lol) And I am swinging from the idea of one draft to another, which I don't like. I prefer to have one version of said novel to peddle.

[alihale]

It's definitely a good sign to get personal responses, and the concept sounds strong, unusual and engaging.

Afraid I can't offer much advice (my novel sadly receives standard "sorry, no thanks" form rejections), except for to say keep plugging away with it and keep sending it out -- it's obvious that many professionals are saying that you have potential at least!

Good luck!

Ali

[fontlow]

Yep, agent feedback is a very rare thing. I had a pitiful excuse for an agent for a year (really wish I had found this sight before going with them) and then after a year all i get is a letter stating they weren't right for my material. Now I am seeking other agents, and even decent publishers on my own ( a total of twelve in the course of a couple of weeks) and have yet to receive any real feedback with my rejections... other than Tate Publishing who said they do not publish anything with foul language.
Take their criticisms to heart, but also keep in mind that some of their criticism are based on personal opinion. It would be best to look at all the criticisms you have received and find common points and fix those.

[Troo]

Originally Posted by fontlow

other than Tate Publishing who said they do not publish anything with foul language.

F*** C*** P*** A*** B*******!

[SJAB]

Well, I have totally "killed the baby" with this one. It has been undergoing a major edit; now nearly done, two scenes to do. Cracked the sucker open like a nut. Whether this will make it a better story, " shrugs shoulders" who knows lol...

[Stephen Aryan]

Thanks for posting about this, it's fascinating to hear what other people are getting back from agents.

I'm about to embark on submitting a novel and I've got a better idea of what to expect now.

[Boneman]

And guess what? She must have done something right..... Congratulations SJAB, even if others call you Sue!! (Stehen, she's signed with an agent).

[crystal haven]

Congratulations SJAB

[SJAB]

Just noticed this, thanks for the kind words.

[Meadowhawk]

Jackie shared your news with me Sue! Congrats!!