Morgause

[svalbard]

This is another excerpt from my story on King Arthur. This is from the perspective of one of the female characters, a new departure for me. Any comments on content, style, grammar etc. will again be more than welcome.


Dun Pelidyr
491AD

Morgause took a last look at her sleeping sons for the night. The eldest, Gawain, lay at the center of the bed. Both his younger brothers, Agravaine and Gareth, were curled up against him on either side. A smile crept across her unblemished face. Even in sleep, Gawain was protective of his siblings with both his arms about his brothers.

She closed the door to the small bedchamber and began the walk down the short hallway to her own rooms. In her hand she held a piece of parchment. Morgause thought about the words written in the missive and shuddered at the threat in them. She had warned Lot. Told him to wait for winter, but as usual he had ignored her. Now he would have to face up to his mistakes and sue for peace with Arthur. There was no other option. Arthur was at Caer Luel with a united army from the south. Morgause sighed as she came to the door of her bower. Lot was inside, just arrived from the court of Caw of Strathclyde. Opening the door, she entered to see Lot standing by their bed, a wide smile on his face.

“He agreed, as did Fergus. I go south tomorrow,” he said, by way of greeting.

Morgause looked at her husband in silence. He was a handsome man and charismatic in his own way. Lot could be fearless in battle and magnanimous in victory over his foes. He was also indecisive, a terrible failing in the eyes of Morgause. For when he did decide on an action it was at times the wrong decision. Just as now.

“I warned you!” she hissed, throwing the parchment at him. Surprise etched on his face, Lot picked up the paper from the ground.

“You know I cannot read. What is this?”

“A letter from my brother.”

“Arthur. What does he want?” asked Lot.

“Your head! My brother has the nerve to ask me to deliver your corpse to him at Caer Luel,” Morgause replied, sitting on the bed.

The significance of her words hit Lot like a hammer blow. “Caer Luel, how…when…?”

He had taken the town not a month past, driving Urien from his capital and placing a strong garrison there to hold it until he had could bring more men south. His eyes widened as he took in the fury on Morgause’s face. She had counseled against any war with Rheged in the summer.

“You should have waited for winter. It would have taken my brother months to gather an army and you could have built up your strength with the support of Strathclyde and Dal Riada. Now we must fight before we are ready,” Morgause said, wishing, not for the first time, that she had wed a more intelligent man. Lot was a good lover and pleasant company at times, but he lacked depth. Through the years she had watched him lurch from ill-conceived disaster to another. It was his occasional and lucky victories that kept Lot in power and at times her own intervention.

She could not go to war with her husband, so Morgause had slowly built up a network of spies in the north. Painstakingly she had made note of all the lords and warriors who were susceptible to bribes in the northern kingdoms and one by one had enlisted them to her side. Poison was her weapon of choice, gold at times and if the needs demanded, then she was a beautiful woman. Men were fools when it came to dealing with her charms. This she had learned early in her life.

“How strong is Fergus of Dal Riada in his support?” she asked.

“He gave Caw and myself his word,” Lot replied, joining Morgause on the bed. He sounded unsure.

“His word is nothing! As soon as he hears Arthur and his cavalry are at Caer Luel, he will abandon you,” Morgause said, shocked that she could hear a note of panic in her own voice.

“I will deal with Arthur. He is young. I have faced more seasoned warriors than him before and won,” Lot snapped.

“Lot, listen to yourself. You are deluded. Have you closed your ears to all the tales from the south. Arthur has five thousand men with him.”

Lot looked at Morgause in shock. “Five thousand…”

“That is what he says in the letter. He is High-King in all but name. We need to find another course of action here. Something more subtle than battle.” Morgause grabbed Lot’s hand as she spoke. Her husband was a fool, but he was the father of her children and offered protection in a world of ever shifting alliances and uncertainty. Lot squeezed her hand and suddenly smiled at her.

“No. I will fight. It is the only way I know. If I lose, then I will make a peace with Arthur,” he said.

Morgause could not believe what she was hearing. Did Lot not understand that Arthur would not settle for anything less than his head on a platter. He had said so in the letter and all the stories she had heard about him, told of his ruthlessness. She could understand that, for was she not of the same blood, the Aurlianii. They had both inherited the cold, ambitious traits of their ancestors. Her eyes looked into those of Lot’s and saw the doubt there. He does know.

[Lord_Rahl]

I hate to be one of those people who gives seamlessly useless and generalised reviews, but I'm not a grammar/punctuation genius.

On that note, I really like this wee snippet. It has good description and pace. The characters (Morgause especially) seem full, developed and most of all human.

Is she supposed to be Morganna, btw? I have never heard of her anyway- so that added a bit more interest to it.

Obviously one of the biggest problems for you is that you need to inject life into an old and used story. I'm pleased to say that- at least in this excerpt- you have achieved a fresh handle on things.

Thanks for sharing, and looking forward to anything else you might post!

[svalbard]

Thanks for the critique, Lord_Rahl. Morgause is a sister to Morganna in a lot of the legends. I have gone with her as the only sister of Arthur, although Morganna will play a part.

[Peter Graham]

Hi Svalbard,

Good stuff as ever, but I'm having problems believing that Morgause is a woman! She talks and acts pretty much like your male characters - she is blunt and her main concerns are politics, war and power. Now, the Morgause of myth was single-minded and ruthless like that, but she couldn't act like the blokes because she just wouldn't have been taken seriously. So she has to resort to more subtle means to get her own way - coaxing, wheedling, pouring poison in the ear etc. She would probably not take her husband on so directly. "You know your own business, my Lord, but have you thought what might happen if..." etc etc

I think you also have room for dialogue that doesn't relate directly to the main narrative line of the story. One of your great strengths as a writer is that everything is tight, cohesive and very plot-driven, but I think you could loosen the reins a bit on occasion. It might help with developing characterisation, which is perhaps something you are not quite as strong on. We need to be able to relate to your characters - see them as individuals rather than just pawns in a political game. We need to know which ones we like and why. I'm not sensing much difference between Lot and Morgause, or between Lot and Cai or Maelgwyn. Differences are explained by the narrative voice (Lot is not as bright as his wife), but are not as obvious from reading the dialogue. I think they need to be.

Having said that, your Arthur, with all his concerns and worries, is really getting somewhere. The rest of them need the same development and work. I think this is probably why I thought you should consider limiting your p.o.v characters.

I have read this post back and it all looks rather negative. Perhaps I should make it clear that I think the positives outweigh the negatives by a country mile. Strong and cohesive plot, strong and credible narrative voice, interesting and absorbing storyline, well defined and easily believable backdrop, obvious and in-depth knowledge of both the history and myth of the period and virtually no grammar niggles. You can write!

Regards,

Peter

[mactavish]

Good, but too much 'telling'

Examples :
He was a handsome man and charismatic in his own way. Lot could be fearless in battle and magnanimous in victory over his foes. He was also indecisive, a terrible failing in the eyes of Morgause.

She could not go to war with her husband, so Morgause had slowly built up a network of spies in the north. Painstakingly she had made note of all the lords and warriors who were susceptible to bribes in the northern kingdoms and one by one had enlisted them to her side. Poison was her weapon of choice, gold at times and if the needs demanded, then she was a beautiful woman. Men were fools when it came to dealing with her charms. This she had learned early in her life.

My recommendation would be to consider reworking into dramatic scenes. Show.

Mactavish

[svalbard]

Hello Peter,

That was not at all negative, but a constructive critique. I take your point about Morgause needing to be more wily or subtle considering the times she lives in. I am working on the characterization, trying to give different voices to all of them. Dialogue is a good tool for this, so I will examine this area further.

Hi mactavish,

Thanks for reading. I will examine the telling more than showing. It is a fault in my writing style and something I always try to balance.