Short and sweet

[Damiynn]

Damien and the others were running as they exited out of the woods. Finally they came to a halt, almost falling to the earth, their hot breath coming in hurried gasps, forming clouds of steam around their heads in the cool night air. The spot where they exited was on a rise just above Embry. As they attempted to catch their breath Mathis, who was in better shape due to his always working in the woods, went over to the edge of the hill and studied the city below. It was the first city outside of Castlekeep that he had ever looked upon.

Mathis’s eyes studied the sky and he gestured for Damien. Pointing toward what looked like a giant black storm coming their way, almost over the city, he asked, “What’s that?”

“I’m not sure but it looks like a storm.” responded Damien studying the black skyline. “Travis, how long until those storm clouds reach us?”

Travis raised his battered face and Kendle, Braden and him all turned, studying the horizon where Damien was pointing. Looks of concern and alarm immediately crossed their faces the instant they spotted the low lying black clouds.

“Those aren’t storm clouds.” answered Kendle in a low voice, squinting hard into the distance and both Braden and Travis nodded.

Seeing their dire expressions Damien asked fearfully, “If it’s not storm clouds, what is it?”

Suddenly explosions filled the dark night and the bright orange glow of flames shot high into the air. Logan not realizing that he was still wearing his gem of Dayseeing said in an awed voice, “Its birds, look at all of those birds.”

Damien felt his heart tighten in his chest, fear constricted his stomach and throat. He realized now what the thick roiling black mass was moving across the sky, traveling against the wind.

Maybe a thousand or more decorated black war kraals were reflected in the light being thrown off by the erupting explosions. Damien noticed after a moment of closer study that it wasn’t just a mass of birds either. It was well formed battle formations. In the orange light, he could see the large birds arranged in orderly tiers and columns, and he and his friends were to far away to do anything to help unless they descended into the beginning battle.

Knowing immediately what Travis would be thinking. A hard decision filled the battlemage’s mind. Finally after a minute or so he turned to the beaten blademaster and asked the grim question, “Do we go down and help them and take the risk getting captured or probably killed? Or do we bypass the city and for the sake of the rest of the realm and continue on towards the Citadel?”

Instead of answering the question about the battle, Travis instead asked a different question, “Which way do you think we should go to avoid it?”

All of the others looked at Damien expectantly as he considered this question. He ran several different scenarios through his head about where they could go and why and why
not.

According to Caliban, there was a thousand gold piece reward on Alyssa’s head. There would be a very good chance that they would be discovered and possibly captured if they continued heading south beyond Embry where the lands grew more populated. With all of the people fleeing Embry, homeless and penniless, none of them would probably hesitate in trying to capture them. They would end up fighting off the same people they wanted to befriend.

To the north lay no answers. The krannion knights would be there. And more knights to help them if they went south, once Gunther spread word about their escape.

That only left one option. Damien turned and faced Logan, a questioning look in his blue eyes. The sandy haired spythief sighed, swallowed and shook his head grimly. With a barely perceptible movement, he nodded yes. He too had been running through their options and had reached the same conclusion.

[chrispenycate]

[/quote][quote]

Originally Posted by Damiynn

Damien and the others were running as they exited out of

exited from, or came out of

the woods. Finally they came to a halt, almost falling to the earth, their hot breath coming in hurried gasps, forming clouds of steam around their heads in the cool night air. The spot where they exited was on a rise just above Embry. As they attempted to catch their breath

comma?

Mathis, who was in better shape due to his

possibly without the "his"

always working in the woods, went over to the edge of the hill and studied the city below. It was the first city outside of Castlekeep that he had ever looked upon.

Mathis’s eyes studied the sky and he gestured for Damien. Pointing toward what looked like a giant black storm coming their way, almost over the city, he asked, “What’s that?”

“I’m not sure but it looks like a storm.” responded Damien studying the black skyline. “Travis, how long until those storm clouds reach us?”

Travis raised his battered face and Kendle, Braden and him

"he", not "him"

all turned, studying the horizon where Damien was pointing. Looks of concern and alarm immediately crossed their faces the instant

do you need the "immediately" and the "the instant"?

they spotted the low lying black clouds.

“Those aren’t storm clouds.” answered Kendle in a low voice, squinting hard into the distance

comma

and both Braden and Travis nodded.

Seeing their dire expressions Damien asked fearfully, “If it’s not storm clouds, what is it?”

Suddenly explosions filled the dark night and the bright orange glow of flames shot high into the air. Logan

comma

not realizing that he was still wearing his gem of Dayseeing

comma

said in an awed voice, “Its birds, look at all of those birds.”

Damien felt his heart tighten in his chest, fear constricted his stomach and throat. He realized now what

that?

the thick roiling black mass was moving across the sky, traveling against the wind.

Maybe a thousand or more decorated black war kraals were reflected in the light

can something be "reflected in the light", or are they relecting the light?

being thrown off by the erupting explosions. Damien noticed after a moment of closer study that it wasn’t just a mass of birds either. It was well formed battle formations. In the orange light, he could see the large birds arranged in orderly tiers and columns, and he and his friends were to

too

far away to do anything to help unless they descended into the beginning battle.

Knowing immediately what Travis would be thinking.

no period

A hard decision filled the battlemage’s mind. Finally

comma

after a minute or so

comma

he turned to the beaten blademaster and asked the grim question, “Do we go down and help them and take the risk getting captured or probably killed? Or do we bypass the city and for the sake of the rest of the realm and continue on towards the Citadel?”

Instead of answering the question about the battle, Travis instead

don't need both of the "instead"s

asked a different question, “Which way do you think we should go to avoid it?”

All of the others looked at Damien expectantly as he considered this question. He ran several different scenarios through his head about where they could go and why and why
not.

According to Caliban, there was a thousand gold piece reward on Alyssa’s head. There would be a very good chance that they would be discovered and possibly captured if they continued heading south beyond Embry where the lands grew more populated. With all of the people fleeing Embry, homeless and penniless, none of them would probably

possibly move the"probably before the "none"?

hesitate in trying to capture them. They would end up fighting off the same people they wanted to befriend.

To the north lay no answers. The krannion knights would be there. And more knights to help them if they went south, once Gunther spread word about their escape.

That only left one option. Damien turned and faced Logan, a questioning look in his blue eyes. The sandy haired spythief sighed, swallowed and shook his head grimly. With a barely perceptible movement, he nodded yes. He too had been running through their options and had reached the same conclusion.

[Damiynn]

Thanks c I was about half alseep when I wrote this and just wasn't seeing it correctly, I should have caught those insteads and those others.