just an idea i put to paper

[asher marquering]

just an idea i put to paper srry i don't mean to flood the critiques sub forum i think there are parts that need work cos i read through it and some of the "hes" became confusing pls critique

Crushing Hand: Gehuygn

Bright red blood covered his master. The sound of a large army charging rang in his ears. The smell of slain warriors and battle filled the air. Gehuygn could sense his master’s pain from the shrapnel that had hit him a few seconds ago. His master was the last line of defence but now that he was down, the responsibility fell to Gehuygn.
I could just heal him… there’s no time… you must cast the Crushing Hand spell.
The battlefield was warm as the sun beamed down.

Heat always made the blood boil. The Crushing Hand spell Gehuygn had seen his master practising it. He had read about it. Gehuygn had practiced it himself. However, it was an extremely powerful spell; his master even struggled to perform it correctly. He did not have the required level or experience to perform it. Nevertheless, Gehuygn had to or he and the city would both perish. He had to try. He stood in the correct posture, closed his eyes and began the incantation.

He moved his hands in the correct fashion. He broke the eggshell and quickly placed the leathery glove over his hand. Then he felt as he began to be drawn into the magical world. He prepared himself for the magical guardian to confront him. The burning figure quickly descended into the realm. The sights of the awesome blazing figure send chills through his entire body.
“Weakness!” the figure flung him through the realm.

His entire left side ached.
Weakness?
He remembered his master’s words.
Strength in the magical realm is based on your mental strength.
He shook off the pain and suddenly believed he was omnipotent, he had to if he intended to defeat the magical guardian. Gehuygn shouted, imagining himself in the most finely crafted armour,
“I am omnipotent here.”
“Novice!” the guardian exclaimed.
His armour exploded off his body, before Gehuygn could collect himself he saw a brilliant blade surrounded in flames quickly descend on him.

He heard his flesh burn, as the blade struck him a second time and smelt his own burning corpse as the blade struck him a third time, impaling him through the chest. The guardian formed a ball of fire in his hand,
“Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t end your physical existence now and send you for judgement?”
He tried to fight the urge but Gehuygn began crying. The guardian dispelled the flame magic in his hand and then removed the blade impaling the young wizard.

“Do as you must but do not come here again until you are ready!” The guardian continued, “It upsets the balance!”
He felt as he began to slip from the magical realm. In the distance, Gehuygn saw the guardian draw two of his fiery blades. Shadows appeared in front of him. He quickly struck them down. Behind him, one grew, slowly.
He exclaimed, “Watch out!” but it was too late, Gehuygn was in the physical realm, not a moment too soon though.

The crushing hand spell succeeded and Gehuygn was able to slay the entire army. He wondered
What happened in the magic realm?

[dustinzgirl]

I like it, but I think the phrase "his master" is used to much. "He" begins dang near every sentence. Some creative phrase changes would really benefit this work. Try beginning a few sentences with the scenery or action, once you establish who you are speaking about at the beginning of a paragraph repetition becomes well, repetitive.

[asher marquering]

thx Dustin i did sorta pick up on that but i was having trouble looking at it objectively thats y i posted it

thx again