Has reading ruined your relationship(s)?

[chartreuse]

Years ago, pre-divorce, my soon to be ex told me that I read too much; that it made me boring to be around. Of course, there were other things that led to the divorce, but this (he claimed) was one of the biggies.

I have several questions for everyone:
1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?
3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?
4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?
5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?

Don't misconstrue what I'm asking. There is no bigger reader than I am, at least not in my social circle. I defend reading and readers to all who scoff or say it's a waste of time. The worst thing that could happen to me would be to lose my ability to read. Do you feel this way too?

[The Master™]

I found that reading isn't a problem with my wife...

I read on the bus to and from work, and whenever my wife watches some crap on the TV that I'm not interested in...

Never lost friends, etc...

About 3+ hours a day (amateur)

I never care what other people think of me... I do what makes me happy first and foremost...

I started reading some of my books to my 2 year old son... He just gets bored and falls asleep!!!

Think you need to find someone who is willing to give you your own time to do your reading...

[Lacedaemonian]

I get wrong for reading at inappropriate times. My friends ask me why I bring books to social meetings. I always say that when conversation dies on its arse I will have something to do.

[The Master™]

HAHAH... I usually have a couple of books in my bag, so it would be useful for pub visits... Unless the lights go down...

[Lacedaemonian]

Books always come in handy for those toilet skives.

[The Master™]

I usually have a couple of books in the bathroom at home...

[hodor]

I have a book in my bag I take with me to work, two in the car, and a few on the nightstand. They are great at ALL social events here as to many ppl talking french gives me a headache (and here they all speak french). I read during my hour and a half lunch our at the restaurant. I read the entire time I spend at my in-laws every saturday and hence it helps my relationship with my wife because I have no bad things to say about her parents.

[I, Brian]

Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?

That sounds like using reading as a shield/an excuse to avoid social situations.

[Seedorn]

Hello Everyone
Books belong to me like..my nose.I have always a book in my bag.
1. I nearly lost a ...friend of mine... because of my reading.It´s a very strange story and I must confess I was very rude to him.
2. At least 2-3 Hours. Sometimes more,sometimes less
3. Absolutely NO!
4. Yes, sometimes a book is more interesting than real life
5. Hey, you can talk with others about the books, which you have read.

[littlemissattitude]

1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?

Not that I know of. However, I've probably put some people off getting to know me because I've always got a book in my hand. On the other hand, I've also met people I wouldn't have met otherwise because I've had a book in my hand. So I suppose it goes both ways. Also, I have to say that I don't usually form close bonds with people who don't read, so it doesn't become so much of an issue because those I'm really close to understand my habit. My habit...sort of makes it sound like drugs, doesn't it?

2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?

Depends on the day. At least two or three, usually (but that includes reading on the Internet, as well). Some days, it's probably closer to six or seven, especially if I'm reading a good book or researching something I'm interested in.

3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?

I don't, but some other people seem to. I know I've been told from time to time that I need to quit reading and get a life.

4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?

Oh, heck no. I just take my book with me to social gatherings. Starts some interesting conversations, like the time I went with my mother to her high school reunion but had to study for my Ancient Greek History and Culture midterm, so I just studied there. Except so many people found that interesting that I hardly got any actual studying done for telling people what I was doing and having conversations around school in general and around the subject matter I was reading.

5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?

Only if you don't share what you learn from your reading, or if you don't share good books you've read with your friends. That is one of the things I love most about this forum - everyone shares.

[Teresa Edgerton]

Most of my significant relationships (husband, friends, colleagues, some of my relatives) are with people who not only love reading as much as I do, but largely read the same kind of books. No temptation to read when I am around these people, because much of the conversation centers around books.

When I'm among people who don't love books and want to talk about them endlessly (mostly relatives) I do very quickly get bored, and they probably find me boring as well, but we struggle on together anyway and try to make polite conversation. (That is, I don't bring a book with me so I won't be tempted, and they seldom have anything worth looking at in their houses anyway, to lead me astray.) Sometimes, when I am feeling very grumpy and depressed to begin with, I do avoid socializing with these relatives, when it is possible to avoid the event.

My husband does tend to take a book with him wherever he goes, and he can get quite absorbed in a book in places like restaurants or while visiting people in hospital rooms, which can get rather annoying at times.

How much time I spend each day reading is somewhat dependent on how much time I spend writing, as well as how successful I've been in recent forays to bookstores and libraries. Could be anywhere between one hour and twelve. The spouse's rate is more steady since his retirement, and is probably somewhere around five or six hours, sitting in his father's old recliner with the smaller of our two dogs in his lap.

[Neil040]

Originally Posted by chartreuse

Years ago, pre-divorce, my soon to be ex told me that I read too much; that it made me boring to be around. Of course, there were other things that led to the divorce, but this (he claimed) was one of the biggies.

A good question chartreuse... my wife loves reading too altho we dont really share all the same tastes.. she wont touch a sci fi book for instance... but I will read some of her more general interest novels fine.. so we get on fine like that. I tend to devour books and read at high speed but she is much slower.. reckons I cant possibly retain all I read at that speed! lol Anyway, its nice and companionable to read together and she can cope with reading whilst the telly is on which I often like doing... nuts I know but I often read whilst watching a movie..

Now.. not so the above with my first wife.. not at all! She barely had even ever read a book! Damned if I know now why the hell I married her in the first place we had so little in common! It used to annoy her that I liked reading.. same thing as you report above... and it used to annoy me that she was annoyed... So... plenty of other things to choose from but that was one of many elements in our disaster of a marriage..

[erickad71]

Sounds like a good thing that you are no longer with your ex, chartreuse. My husband doesn't read very much, but thank goodness he has no problem with my reading habits.

1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
Not that I am aware of..but if I have that's their loss.


2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?
Probably at least two hours, it just depends on what I have planned for the day.


3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?
I don't think so, but I do know people who think it is...once again, their loss.


4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?
No, but I have been known to avoid household duties.


5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?
I don't think so, unless you are reading to the extent that you ignore everything else.

[Leto]

Originally Posted by chartreuse

Years ago, pre-divorce, my soon to be ex told me that I read too much; that it made me boring to be around. Of course, there were other things that led to the divorce, but this (he claimed) was one of the biggies.

I have several questions for everyone:
1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?
3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?
4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?
5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?

Don't misconstrue what I'm asking. There is no bigger reader than I am, at least not in my social circle. I defend reading and readers to all who scoff or say it's a waste of time. The worst thing that could happen to me would be to lose my ability to read. Do you feel this way too?

1 - Nope, my family is full of readers
2 - On works day, for my leisure at least 3 hours. On days off, can go up to 18. It's difficult, because I always have a book on hand, even when playing some videogames (as waiting for the turn to end in Civilization, or when my Sims sleep) or when walking on the street.
3 - No, except if i want to be rude.
4 - Yes, but not with friends.
5 - No, this boards is a good proof, most of us are readers and we're all talking about the books we've read and the ones we'll read.

IMO, your reading habits were just a sad excuse for your spouse. And yes, not being able to read anymore would be the worst for me.

[dwndrgn]

1. Has your reading habit ever caused you to lose friends/lovers/spouses?
Nope. However, my husband doesn't read a lot and if he gets bored and I happen to be reading, he gets a little annoyed. Just jealous that I have something to do I suppose. Usually though if I seem to be bored his first reaction is, 'Ah honey, don't you have any books?' and immediately make me go get one if possible. He supports my habit

2. How many hours a day do you spend reading?
Depends. My work schedule these days is so weird that I have to fit it in when I can. On my days off I can spend anywhere from an hour to the whole day reading depending on what else I need to get done. But back when I had a nine-to-five, I'd read during lunch, breaks, and when I got home until dinner and during dinner and then after...so all in all about 7 hours. Plus being broke limits the number of books available to me, so that limits my reading time too. If I could read for a living I'd die happy. Blind, but happy

3. Do you think that being a reader makes one appear boring to others?
Only to boring people I used to get laughed at for bringing crosswords and books to bars. However, I know many people now that do the same thing

4. Do you sometimes avoid social situations because you'd rather read?
I don't really avoid them, I'd just prefer to read.

5. Is reading a totally selfish pursuit, like some non-readers claim?
Nah, this website is proof that it isn't.