Opening with an expletive

[Wiglaf]

My current draft begins with a four letter expletive. It is written in first person and the expletive is consistant with how most people would actually talk. However, I am not trying to be shocking and am thinking of a target audience starting with teenagers at the younger end. I'm not writting a children's story, but it has an 18ish protagonist and isn't strictly written for the grey-haired and wrinkly either. As I prefer to limit demonstrations of my swearing ability to the construction site, I was wondering if "Heck!" might be a better opening. Fiddlesticks seemed too Leave it to Beaver. It makes sense and fits; I just normally don't like the idea of swearing in my writting. Would heck work for a man who had a couple pints?

[Kissmequick]

Not for any guy I know after a couple lol. Heck is just...No.

Maybe instead of one extreme word you could string a few less offensive ones together like, or make a sentence of one

Damn and bloody sod it!
Arses to the lot of them!

Not so offensive as **** but gets the point across they are upset.

Just a thought ( mainly as this is how I do my swearing when the kids are around)

[Culhwch]

If the story warrants it, do it. I'm afraid if a book I was reading began with 'Heck!', I'd snort and throw it back in the pile.

[pyan]

Anyone seen "Four Weddings and a Funeral"?

[ray gower]

Short answer:
Provided it is in context, a short outburst signifying something is not as it ought to be, then don't change that one word. Even my dear old white haired mother will have no problem.

Longer thought:
When swearing under stress, it is not the word that matters, it is the effort expended saying it. You can put as much meaning and satisfaction in an inappropriately exploded "Sugar!" as any expletive. So it just needs to be something that can trip off the tongue in a sudden outburst.

[Culhwch]

Originally Posted by ray gower

Longer thought:
When swearing under stress, it is not the word that matters, it is the effort expended saying it. You can put as much meaning and satisfaction in an inappropriately exploded "Sugar!" as any expletive. So it just needs to be something that can trip off the tongue in a sudden outburst.

That might be so in a verbal medium, but I think it's hard to pull off in written form. Not to say it can't be done, just that it is easier to fall into farce taking that route.

[Giovanna Clairval]

Two possibilities:

1) You swear high and loud.

2) You don't.

Using a trite euphemism (in writing) takes all the strength away.

I could suggest a transformation of the four letter word into a new oath, but, as Culhwch said, it would be farcical, and that is not your intention, I guess.

And I also think that using **** in the opening sentence is risky, unless you are an established author, or else you can bribe an established author into writing an enthusiastic blurb for your novel.

[Kissmequick]

Originally Posted by Giovanna Clairval

Two possibilities:

1) You swear high and loud.

2) You don't.

Using a trite euphemism (in writing) takes all the strength away.

I could suggest a transformation of the four letter word into a new oath, but, as Culhwch said, it would be farcical, and that is not your intention, I guess.

Option 3.

How you swear actually says something about you as a person ( or your character in this case)

My dad is a bit old fashioned so goes for 'Damn it all to hell!'
My husband has quick outbursts of temper with inanimate objects and says 'Sod sod sod sod sod and bloody arse, I'm going to get the hammer to you if you don't behave'.
One of my more usual ones is 'Odin's ringpiece!' (I got that from the book Taipan, and it tickles me so...)
My mum 's is a rather more prudush 'Piddle'
My mate almost invariably says 'Fek it ya bampot!'
And of course 'Buggrit millenium hand and shrimp, I told 'em, yes I did' speaks volumes about Foul Ole Ron


Heck would imply your character is rather old fashioned, or a bit of a prude. The F-word or similar might put off some potential readers. Try and come up with a way of expressing your character's disgust / anger in a way that also expresses something about him.

[The Ace]

It depends on the situation. Sometimes you need to swear, if the situation merits it, run with it.

[Giovanna Clairval]

Ace, my Roman-Scottish friend, you are right, generally speaking, and I did say, "If you are in the situation of swearing, swear, by Tutankamon!"; but we are talking of the hook (the crucial opening sentence) here!

Beside a) any priggish considerations, and b) the very real risk of scaring away a few potential readers, this opening could resemble a cheap way of making an impression, which, I'm sure, is not what Wiglaf is after.

And what if the a) agent, b) editor, for whatever reason, immediately puts the manuscript inside the SASE after reading this first word?

[Teresa Edgerton]

As several people have pointed out, it probably wouldn't be shocking in context, if it's the type of situation where that particular word would be the natural response.

But ... if it's the very first word, there is no context as yet.

Instead of changing the word, could you move a couple of sentences explaining the situation so that readers read that part first, and then the expletive?

[Wiglaf]

Well its 1st person, he doesn't speak before that. After a year away from home, his home citystate joins in a war. At this point he has been conscripted by a foreign army who was already at war. While procuring a third pint of stout at a local watering hole, he is beset upon by some young enlistees. All questioning and commenting on his and their search for renoun and glory. His response, "*(F or Sh word), all I wanted was a normal life: a trade, regular meals, indoor sleeping." He would use the Sh-word( unless he used the F-word). I may simply omit it. I was thinking about a euphamism but was unsure if that would work or just sound silly. Alternatively, I could have him speak to an officer, drinking or not, he would do his utmost to exhibit good upbringing and respectability.
This line is a rewrite; before, while the first word was the same, he was much more animated when starting his explanation that he never intended to pursue glory and adventure. I later reckoned him tired from the campaign and unlikely to perceive young recriuts as worth losing all sense of decorum.

[Teresa Edgerton]

But if it's in first person, couldn't you put in some of his thoughts before he speaks that word out loud?

[Wiglaf]

Perhaps, actually thoughts on the general idea probably apply more than ones on my particular case. My beginning has changed so much and so often it is rediculous. I probably should write ahead then go back. That way, even if it is utter rubbish, their would be the start of an actual plot on paper. This tale gets constistantly less medieval and magical(in terms of wizardry)daily.

[tangaloomababe]

Originally posted by Pyan

Anyone seen "Four Weddings and a Funeral"?

My very thought Pyan!

If its appropriate then do it!!! Its what I remember about the movie.