Can you date a non-fan?

[heyfoureyes]

As a geek who's into jocks, I've been very happy not dating other sf/f fans. I have dated fans too, but appreciating sf/f is a bonus for me, not a requirement.

However, I do have some friends who feel that they must date another fan. They don't feel that they would be truly understood by a non-fan.

So, I'm curious, folks -- is fandom a dating requirement for you? Has dating a non-fan ever causes problems? And most importantly, have you ever _converted_ a non-fan to a fan?

[Lucien21]

I don't think it is essential that your date/partner enjoys all the same things. Some crossover is nice so that you can enjoy things together, but it is nice to have something for yourself.

I suppose it also depends on how far into fandom you are. Dating someone who would think you are weird for going to a convention or dressing up as a Klingon etc is probably a bad idea.

[ironvelvet]

I don't think it's so much about your commitment to SF.
I know way too many people who see SF as a - pretty sad, desperate to escape reality, never grew up (in a retarded loser sense) - type of interest. Even within SF and Fantasy there's loads of cliques and a fair amount of disrespect floating about.
So really it comes down to how open and tolerent of your interests the other is, whatever those interests may be.

[Rohan]

Not a requirement at all, for me. So long as the person I am with has no problem with my reading material, I am content with either fans or non-fans.

Incidentally, I did indeed convert my girlfriend into a Fantasy fan. I fed her on a diet of varied fantasy; from Wheel of Time, to A Song of Ice and Fire, with many steps in between.

Actually, I often read aloud to her. I read her the entire Belgariad series aloud. I've also read the first three Malazan books to her, as well as several other smaller series. She loves it.

[Omphalos]

I'm married to a non-fan, and nothing I do will ever change her mind. If the story doesn't involve high fashion and a young upwardly mobile socially confused recent college grad, she ain't havin' nothin' to do with it. I foresee myself watching a lot of movies with my son once he gets old enough and I completely indoctrinate him.

[Kissmequick]

Wouldn't bother me, as long as we had other stuff in common tbh.

My Old Man was a TV SFF guy when I met him but he never read. He's got quite bad dyslexia. He'd tried some old style fantasy novels and found that it took him so long to read ( and often re read) a sentence or paragraph, by the time he got to the end of the page he'd forgotten what was at the start! I tried reading LOTR to him, but my voice gave out...

However, I managed to get him into Pratchett for starters and he found that not only highly amusing but above all easy to read. So I've spent my time finding him books that are written in an easy style ( dragonlance was another good one to start with) and eventually he's even got good enough to tackle Lord of the Rings( although he did have trouble with a lot of the names, he just came up with his own interpretation/ pronunciation and went with that). He was so chuffed when he finished!

Only trouble is now, he keeps nicking my books off me.

[Ragnar]

Mrs Ragnar is pretty much a non-fan. I managed to get her watching SF TV shows & she can hold her own in a discussion about DS9 or Babylon 5 etc... but that's as far as it goes. I've given up trying to get her to read anything & she fell asleep during the first Star Wars movie. Its not a problem though - its the differences that make a relationship interesting.

[Thadlerian]

Originally Posted by Omphalos

If the story doesn't involve high fashion and a young upwardly mobile socially confused recent college grad...

Sounds just like The Wheel of Time to me...

[tangaloomababe]

As far as Science Fiction and fantasy goes my partener share a common interest, we both enjoy reading and watching both styles. HOWEVER as far as chrons goes, nope this is my private sanctuary, to air my views about anything and I would'nt share it with anyone, well except the other 20,000 members that is!

[gully_foyle]

Originally Posted by Ragnar

Its not a problem though - its the differences that make a relationship interesting.

Precisely! Me and Ms Foyle have very diverse reading and professional interests. We like similar music, movies, foods, outdoorsy stuff, and we happen to like the same two children (most of the time!) She is very much into other cultures, but not imagined ones. She loves reading about far off and exotic places, but only if they really exist. So if I try to tell her about what I am reading about, her eyes pretty much glaze over, her head droops and she feigns death until I stop. The other day she asked me why I love SF and I told her it was an escape, her response was "are you trying to escape from us?" My answer was "ofcourse".

[Cayal]

At the rate I am going I can't afford to say no to anyone. lol.

[Nesacat]

It's not a problem but the other person has to respect that this is something you are interested. It's alright if they do not understand or care for it but it's not alright if they belittle you for it or use it to run you down. The differences do make things interesting I agree but there needs to be respect for the difference.

[gully_foyle]

Originally Posted by Nesacat

It's not a problem but the other person has to respect that this is something you are interested. It's alright if they do not understand or care for it but it's not alright if they belittle you for it or use it to run you down. The differences do make things interesting I agree but there needs to be respect for the difference.

Nesa, respect is the basis of any relationship. No, wait, let's say its the egg that binds the relationship cake together (cause you still need sugar n stuff).

[Nesacat]

There's a whole bunch of people who just have not worked that out yet Gully. I happened to have married one. He thought it was the stupidest thing in the world, my reading habit. It made me abnormal and unnatural. He's now married to someone who fits neatly into his ideas.

Maybe that's why sometimes people insist on dating within fandom. And yes ... you do need the sugar and stuff. But the eggy bits are necessary.

[gully_foyle]

Ms Foyle wasn't exactly first pick either. We learn the hard way Nesa. But, still we learn.