Can you date a non-fan?

[Nesacat]

Yes we do Gully. I wish we didn't have to learn in this way but maybe that is necessary too.

[chrispenycate]

As regarding the dating side, I'm possibly the worst person to ask, as essentially I never have.
Still, I keep friendships as long as most people maintain marriages, I'll base my position on this.
It would seem that communication is one of our species' strong points (foresight definitely isn't) and it is very convenient to have a range of subjects in common with a partner to converse upon; the state of the weather and the health of offspring wear out fairly fast. Not many of my friends seriously read speculative fiction, so I am forced to have knowledge on other matters (doesn't require much force – I'm still inquisitive about just about everything). Before discovering the web I didn't know anyone with an interest aproaching my own, but this didn't turn me into a total hermit. Quite.
So, if the "fan" in your description is a genuine abreviation of "fanatic" and you are totally focussed on SFF to the exclusion of all other interests (apart, one assumes, of low-communication biological ones) it would seem wiser to find someone who shares this viewpoint, albeit to a lesser degree, otherwise discussions risk becoming extremely boring.
If, on the other hand, SFF is one facet of a wider ranging personality, I can see no reason to reject someone simply because not all the cogs mesh; after all, with how many people is this latter going to occur?

[Ragnar]

I did go out with a fellow fan for a couple of years when I was younger. She was a big Dune fan and introduced me to Heinlein. Although I eventually realised that having a partner who isn't a total mentalist that likes to sleep around is much more important than having a partner with an in-depth knowledge of the works of Frank Herbert

[speedingslug]

Ideally it's nice for your partner to have some interest in your fandom, Ms Slug watches quite a few shows and films, it's going a fight for the remote between Corrie and Star Trek otherwise. But opposites attract (or so they say).

[Briareus Delta]

What's a date?

[Adasunshine]

I don't think it's necessary to have the same interests, like many other people have said, it's the differences that make it interesting but I agree with Nesa... the borderline obsessions () we have in life need to be respected and not made fun of.

Luckily, my blokee is a geek in his own little way, he's not into SF&F as such but does love a Graphic Novel which was how he got into Neil Gaiman...

Our tastes in all areas do cross over somewhere but we're also at the extremes, for example, I can't stand heavy metal music, it makes my brain hurt, blokee loves loves loves bands like Mad Capsule Markets, Slayer, Metallica.. the list goes on... blokee hates pop, whereas I've been known to bop around the house to a bit of Britney & co but we meet up in the middle with bands like Lemon Jelly, Foo Fighters, QOTSA, Zero 7, Grand National, Captain, Goldfrapp etc...

It's pretty much the same with books, he loves factual books about the history of all different cultures or things like Peter Ackroyd's LONDON: A Biography and although these topics interest me, I just can't read the books, I don't absorb factual books very well (I blame pregnancy and school) and I, well, I love my fantasy novels and although he really isn't into that sort of thing, we meet in the middle with authors like Neil Gaiman. China Mieville etc and we both also enjoy biographies and books about various mythologies (which is borderline fantasy if you ask me but nevermind ).

The same thing applies to film also and pretty much every other topic out there, we find ourselves pretty much loving what the other hates but meeting somewhere in the middle...

As far as forums go, I have Chronicles & a couple of others and he has his footy forums so we're both guilty there but as you can see, rather different tastes and concerns!

xx

[tangaloomababe]

Originally posted by Nesacat

here's a whole bunch of people who just have not worked that out yet Gully. I happened to have married one. He thought it was the stupidest thing in the world, my reading habit. It made me abnormal and unnatural. He's now married to someone who fits neatly into his ideas.

Nesa you are right. When my ex and I were married, I loved to read, still do. Loved sci fi, still do. He didn't like to read, didn't enjoy sci fi and to top it off had no appreciation for Bruce Springsteen. Heavens we were doomed. My current partener loves to read, enjoys sci fi and will even listen to Bruce with me. We get along very well!!!!!

[Nikitta]

My boyfriend is not a Science Fiction fan, though he does enjoy some of the books I suggest to him. He then suggests books from other genres to me and we both end up having expanded our horizons a bit. We're both different and similar enough to do that: we different enough to have something new to introduce the other to, but also similar enough for it to be something that the other is likely to enjoy.

I'd never date someone who doesn't at least once in a while read for pleasure. It doesn't have to be the same genres as I read, but he does have to read.

[Delvo]

How often does anybody meet a non-fan who's willing to date a fan?

[pyan]

Originally Posted by Delvo

How often does anybody meet a non-fan who's willing to date a fan?

Oh, they do....once.

[jackokent]

It's good to date non fans. How else will they ever learn?

My partner doesn't read non fiction unless it's something I've written. I'm sure he hates my stuff but it's a partners duty, I feel, to be a live in critic.

But seriously diverse tastes can be as good a both liking the same things. We don't have a thing in comon and we are continually teaching eachother about new stuff. I think he may even be ready for the opera one day.

[November]

It hasn't been a problem for me, dating a non fan; in the early days. Then, going to the cinema, taking about books you have read ideas etc. then it all goes wrong. I had one boyfriend who admitted he hadn't read a book since he was 14. I knew there then it was over.

When I found out my rugby playing boyfriend liked Sci-fi/fantasy I knew he was the one for me. Eight years and two kids later we still curl up on the sofa to watch Stargate. I do get annoyed when he is reading Larry Niven though and won't pull his weight with the kids!

[Citadel]

"Opposites attract. If a couple was the exact same and loved the exact same things...we would be bored and perhaps look for more unfavorable excitement."

[Ramoth's Rider]

i would say so my other half doesnt read a lot but he watches TV so its nice to sit and read while he is watching something odious like Dog the Bounty hunter!!!
He does keep trying to hint that my bookshelves need clearing but them i think i would disown him if touched my books

[dustinzgirl]

Originally Posted by heyfoureyes

As a geek who's into jocks, I've been very happy not dating other sf/f fans. I have dated fans too, but appreciating sf/f is a bonus for me, not a requirement.

However, I do have some friends who feel that they must date another fan. They don't feel that they would be truly understood by a non-fan.

So, I'm curious, folks -- is fandom a dating requirement for you? Has dating a non-fan ever causes problems? And most importantly, have you ever _converted_ a non-fan to a fan?

I've been with my honey for almost six years. He hates most sci fi/fantasy (unless its got boobs, LOL) and I dislike most reality, sports, and comedy shows (how many freaking times can you freaking watch Tommy Boy before it is NO LONGER FUNNY!) we do come together on most of our choice of music, we meet in the middle at metal, then I like a lot of blues/jazz and he likes a lot of death/industrial.

Point being, we take turns. He takes me to all the new openings of movies I really want to see that he will hate (LOTR, Serenity, Star Wars) at the theaters because he knew thats what I wanted, and I've bought him dang near every sports game ever made for every media ever created, because thats what he likes. I also sit through hours upon hours of NASCAR racing (which I don't mind at all) then all the NASCAR television shows (which I do mind, they just all say the same thing over and over and over and over and over again).

It only causes a problem when something I like is on something he likes, like if BSG conflicts with NASCAR. Thank goodness for a VCR (going to get TiVo, its on the list).

There are some things we have found that we both like. He has come to like Eureka and I have come to enjoy stupid comedies like Jackass (I know, so beneath me.)

Oh, and he is a tried and true atheist. I'm not, I'm a Christian.

We also have a huge affection for video games, although he likes sports games and I like rpg's.

I actually have no idea why we are together, but I think its because if we both liked the same thing all the time we wouldn't be able to get into three hour long debates about why Evil Dead is a thousand times better than Vanishing Point (it is, if you don't agree with me, go choke).

So I guess are real commonality is that we are both stubborn as heck and love a good argument.