Question on dialog

[The_Warrior]

Okay I have a prolem on knowing if you can switch iff between

"Okay" John said

and swichting to

"Okay" Said John

Can you do that? or should you obly stick to one?

[Teresa Edgerton]

You can switch between the two. It's really a matter of where you want the emphasis to fall in any given sentence.

But those two sentences you asked about would be properly written:

"Okay," John said.

"Okay," said John.

[The_Warrior]

Mhmm

So it's alright to switch?

[Zubi-Ondo]

Definitely. And really you have quite a bit more freedom than that. You can say:

"Okay," John said.

"Okay," said John.

John said "Okay."

And your readers can get that it's John from the context:

John put the heavy scabbard down on the jagged rocks in front of him. "Okay," He said.

[Zubi-Ondo]

7777777

[The Pelagic Argosy]

Or just...

Originally Posted by Zubi-Ondo

John put the heavy scabbard down on the jagged rocks in front of him. "Okay."

Avoid the tags altogether whenever possible. And when you can't avoid the tag, I would stick with "John said."

And, for heaven's sake, don't do this...

"This scabbard is too freaking heavy!" John snarled.

"I told you to bring the lighter one," Mary huffed.

"I'm sorry," John relented. "I didn't mean to take it out on you."

[Aes]

Originally Posted by The Pelagic Argosy

And, for heaven's sake, don't do this...

"This scabbard is too freaking heavy!" John snarled.

"I told you to bring the lighter one," Mary huffed.

"I'm sorry," John relented. "I didn't mean to take it out on you."

I feel the need to quote this for extra emphasis, because it's just that ghastly to read. In my earlier writings (short stories from 10+ years ago) I did this quite a bit, and it made rereading them now feel like quite a chore.

The best thing you could do is see how other authors do their dialog, and then reverse-engineer it for your own use.

[thecraftteens]

Originally Posted by Aes

I feel the need to quote this for extra emphasis, because it's just that ghastly to read. In my earlier writings (short stories from 10+ years ago) I did this quite a bit, and it made rereading them now feel like quite a chore.

The best thing you could do is see how other authors do their dialog, and then reverse-engineer it for your own use.

My creative writing teacher just said a few weeks ago that we should avoid using "he said, she said" as much as possible. Now you all are saying not to use "snarled" and "huffed". What do we use?

[Sephiroth]

I think PA was saying that you shouldn't use attributions (and especially not the same form) in every line of dialogue. Personally, I try to avoid using them at all unless it's absolutely necessary, either to make it clear who is talking, or because there is no other way I can convey tone of voice (for example).

You might say:


"This scabbard is too freaking heavy!" John snarled.

"I told you to bring the other one."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take it out on you."


'Snarled' is better than 'said', because it conveys the emotion of his sentiment (in this case anger). But when we read the following lines, we hear the characters talk to each other the way we would expect to anyway. And since there's only two of them, it's very clear who is saying what. So there's no need for any further attribution.

[Teresa Edgerton]

"Snarled" and "huffed" are what is called saidisms (or saidbookisms) -- which is to say any word that you use where you would otherwise use "said."

There is nothing inherently wrong with them. In fact, they can add interest and variety to your writing. But if you use too many of them, particularly right in a row, they call attention to themselves and make your characters and dialogue sound far too melodramatic. Suddenly, everyone appears over-wrought. (Which leaves you no place to go and nothing left to do when it really becomes necessary to ratchet up the drama.)

Also, beginning writers often get lazy and use saidisms exclusively to show their characters' emotions, tone of voice etc. They will also use them in ways that are redundant: like saying "asked" each time a character asks a question and "answered" for every reply -- as if it isn't already obvious from the flow of the conversation which are the questions and which are the answers. This sort of misuse gives saidisms a bad name.

For all of these reasons, it's best to use them sparingly, and to place them very carefully.

But it also depends, to a certain extent, on your writing style. If you are going for a very spare modern style, where there are very few dialogue tags of any sort, they will really stick out. If your style is more old-fashioned, or more ornate (or both), you can use them a little bit more freely. (But you still don't want to get carried away.)

However, there are many other ways that you can identify who is speaking, and what their tone of voice is, and how they are feeling. And I think what your creative writing teacher is saying is that you need to learn more than one way of getting that kind of information across.

For instance:

John clenched his fist. "You will stay right here and you will not interfere."

"Surely that is for me to decide." Serena's voice was as cool as ice. "My decision. My choice."

His shoulders slumped. "Then do what you want," he said dully. "But don't blame me for what happens next."

[The_Warrior]

Thanks Teresa

[thecraftteens]

Okay, I get what your saying now. "he said, she said" is great and so is "he snarled, she huffed", but they shouldn't be used enough to call attention to themselves.

[The Ace]

I think the best bet is to combine as many different techniques as possible in a dialogue to a) avoid repetition and b) to help convey mood.

The big thing is to keep the reader interested;

"What's that ?" asked Xoth.
"Not entirely sure," I replied, definitely Skirrn, though.
His skin darkened, "Heard of the Black Cult ?"
I confessed my ignorance.
"If it's Skirrn," he continued, "The Black Cult were religious extremists, slaughtering unbelievers with molecular blades. That could be one of them."
"So, a priceless antique...."
"....Or a life-sentence."

[Thadlerian]

According to Turkey City Lexicon, a SF writing term guide by Bruce Sterling and Lewis Shiner, you can use the word "said" pretty much as often as you like:

"Said" is one of the few invisible words in the English language and is almost impossible to overuse. It is much less distracting than "he retorted," "she inquired," "he ejaculated," and other oddities. The term "said-book" comes from certain pamphlets, containing hundreds of purple-prose synonyms for the word "said," which were sold to aspiring authors from tiny ads in American magazines of the pre-WWII era.

link

[Thadlerian]

By the way, does the English language have a said-bookism in which "said" is replaced with "smiled" (or "grinned")? Like:

"It's OK. I'll fix it," he smiled.

We use the equivalent in Norwegian, and I think it's very nice.