Political Cows

[HoopyFrood]

I suddenly remembered seeing this pinned to the wall in my teacher's office when I used to be at school -- and was most amused by it at the time -- and wondered if I could find it...

So I typed "Political Cows" into Google and this was the first website to pop up!

Bless you, Google. I always knew you were god.


An American Democrat
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous and Barbara Streisand sings for you.

An American Republican
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

Socialist
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

Communist
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

Capitalism, American style
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

Democracy, American style
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your' government.

Bureaucracy, American style
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

Democracy, American style
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it.
After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures.
The press dubs the affair "Cowgate"

Bureaucratic socialism
You have two cows.
The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows.
They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers.
You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers.
The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

Fascism
You have two cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Russian communism You have two cows.
You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk

Dictatorship
You have two cows.
The government takes both and shoots you

Singaporean democracy
You have two cows.
The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment

Militarianism
You have two cows.
The government takes both and drafts you

British democracy You have two cows.
You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad.
The government doesn't do anything.

Bureaucracy
You have two cows.
At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them.
Then it pays you not to milk them.
After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.
Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows

Anarchy
You have two cows.
Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows

Hong Kong capitalism
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother - in - law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company.
The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.

Environmentalism
You have two cows.
The government bans you from milking or killing them

Totalitarianism You have two cows.
The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned

Political Correctness
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo - centric, war - mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non - specified gender.

Counter Culture
Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man.
You got to have some of this milk.

Surrealism
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


There are quite a few variations of these, so many that I can't post them all! But these ones are the essence of them.

[HappyHippo]

ROFLMBO!

I like the French attitude towards cow ownership.

[dustinzgirl]

Originally Posted by HoopyFrood

I
Socialist
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

The best option out of all of them, IMO...but then again I'm a socialist, so go figure. But, you also forget that in "perfect" socialism, no single person would actually own one cow, the cooperative owns the cows and distributes it equally, ensurig that everyone had milk.

PS: I thought it was pretty darn funny.

[HoopyFrood]

I think that there was a perfect socialism one that was along the lines of putting all the cows into one barn and sharing the milk between everyone. Which I also believe is a good option (go socialism! )

But yeah, overall they are very funny -- mostly because they're all so close to the truth

[dustinzgirl]

Originally Posted by HoopyFrood

I think that there was a perfect socialism one that was along the lines of putting all the cows into one barn and sharing the milk between everyone. Which I also believe is a good option (go socialism! )

But yeah, overall they are very funny -- mostly because they're all so close to the truth

Especially this one:

Environmentalism
You have two cows.
The government bans you from milking or killing them

(or allowing them to fart because of methane emissions)

LOL.

[HardScienceFan]

hoops i lovesya
That was so amazingly funny,and somehow close to the truth.
Which,i suppose ,is saddening.

[scalem X]

of course this has been posted on here before, but still funny.

Indeed DG, true socialism/communism seems the best option, but one thief could doom your whole system. Suppose he steals a cow. You trial him after a week, then you equally divide the cows again, he steals again, in the end you'll have trouble treating everyone equally, because believe it or not, people are not equal.

[Tillane]

Heard it before, but...still love it. Thanks for that, Hoopy.

[Who's Wee Dug]

Hoopy that is so funny

[Allegra]

Thanks Hoopy, they are hilarious! Especially the French one, so typical!