Film Review- Transformers By Michael Bay

[Coolhand]

Short Version: “Awesome!” if you’re not a transformers fan, “Bloody good but with major problems” if you are.

Long Version:

HERE BE SPOILERS! ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Some of you may know that I really didn’t expect this movie to be any good. See, I read the lacklustre script a few months ago, and saw the terrible biomechanical designs for the bots, and had a bit of a Simon Pegg moment:

http://www.chronicles-network.com/fo...e-movie-2.html

Turns out there was only one thing I didn’t count on.
Michael Bay.

Now, the Bayster gets a pretty rough ride from critics because his films tend to be pretty shallow excuses to blow stuff up and have hot women run around in their underwear. And, let’s face it, they’re right. In terms of substance and integrity, his films have the depth and morals of a mud puddle.

But as a sheer visual stylist…I think Bay is one of the greatest directors working today.

There. I said it. In terms of visual skill and spectacle, Bay is pretty much the king. He can’t make you ponder the meaning of life but, by Primus, he can blow cool stuff up better than any French independent filmmaker could ever dream of doing. And this spectacle is what he brings to the Transformers.
But let’s not focus on that for now.

…what’s that? No, don’t worry, we’ll get to the cool explosions in a moment. But there is more to this film than just ka-boom.

You see, the first thing I should probably tell you is that there is a surprising amount of humour on display here. Seriously. Okay, it’s not funny in a Douglas Adams/ Oscar Wilde intelligently funny kind of way. It’s funny in a screwball, popcorn, “just had a couple of drinks and now masturbation jokes are funny hyuck hyuck” kind of way. But it’s still funny. One of the Decepticons, Frenzy, is an especially mean, bizarre little creature and is probably what happens if you cross a robot with a tourette’s suffer. He steals every scene he’s in and he’s great. Additionally Shia Labouf and Megan Fox are not as annoying as I thought they’d be and by and large fail to ruin this movie. They even manage to be quite amusing at times.

…what’s that? You want me to shut up about all that crap and talk about the huge explosions and robots? Oh, okay. So, what’s the action like?

Let me put it this way.

The opening sequence, in which Decepticon Blackout wipes out a military base had me so overloaded with excitement that I almost started running around the cinema, shooting imaginary Decepticons and singing the Transformers theme tune. This really is Bay’s thing. You can almost hear him cackling with unhinged teenage glee as he blows up yet another car or crashes a decepticon though yet another building.

And yet…and yet for every cool sequence of jaw dropping destruction, there is a sequence where Bay drops the ball. A lot of this is down to the whole “Shaky Camera” effect that ruins the action in so many movies nowadays. Here it sometimes blurs the action so badly that sometimes I actually can’t tell which robot is which (another side effect of those stupid designs) Plus, Bay has an annoying habit of focusing on the humans during these action scenes, when he’d be much better served showing us more of the robots. For example, most of the Bumblebee Vs Barricade fight is actually Spike getting chased by Frenzy, with only the occasional cut back to the bots. We don’t even see Bumblebee land the killer blow, we just see that suddenly Barricade is lying on the floor. THAT is stupid. That is wrong.

Yet there is also much that is right. There are moments that I have waited 20 years to see. The scene where the Autobots arrive on Earth, and a later scene were they roll into battle in formation was just so wonderful, such a heady mix of visuals, music and nostalgia that I think I’ll love Michael Bay for the rest of my life and might even partially forgive him the abomination that was Pearl Harbour.

However:
I’ve learned to live with the crappy designs, and Bay’s visual artistry and carnage can allow me to overlook the weak script, but there is one thing that really annoyed me and stopped me proclaiming this one of the greatest popcorn movies ever. If you’re not a transformers fan you won’t care about this so I’ve put it in white text. Highlight below to read:

The Prime Vs Megatron fight sucks.
The ultimate moment of any transformers story is when Prime and Megatron come face to face and fight to the death. In the animated movie it was the most memorable scene, and the comics all tend to build to a climactic moment where Prime points at Megatron and proclaims that “one shall stand, one shall fall.”
Not to put too fine a point on it, Bay screws this up so badly I almost walked out.
For starters, most of it happens off screen or in the background, whilst Bay focuses on his stupid humans and their stupid problems who I don’t’ care about because they’re humans in a Transformers movie and I want to watch Prime and Megs fight. I want to see every move, every punch, I want the world to stop whilst these two icons go at it full focus at the centre of the camera.
You don’t get that.
Not only that, but the fight is decidedly one sided, with Megatron just whaling on Prime until…well I won’t spoil it but no Transformer movie should end like that. It’s insulting to everyone involved. Basically Prime should not need the help of some stupid human to whup Megatron’s ass! He needs no punk kid! He is PRIME! ARRRRRGHGHGHHHHGHG!!!!!! GEEK RAGE!!!!! COOLHAND SMASH!!!!!!.

That really ruined the end for me. But it won’t for you, unless you are a similar kind of Transformers freak.

So all in all, a rocking popcorn flick with eye-searing effects and crowd pleasing one liners. But not quite the movie this fan had waited twenty years to see. Mind you, there’s always the sequel…

[Nesacat]

That about sums it up pretty neatly Coolhand. I loved the Transformers as a kid and it was a big part of my growing up. So when I heard there was going to be a movie I could not wait for it to come out. Okay I was wary. Most of these movies don't fit somehow and feel all wrong.

But I was glad that I went to see it. It was awesome but as you pointed out it had some huge problems. The humans being the main huge problem. I wanted to reach into the screen and just haul them out and put them someplace else so I could see what the bots were doing. It's a Transformer movie so why was so much of the focus, at really crucial points, on the humans for goodness sake.

Was on the edge of my seat waiting for Prime and Megatron to fight. For me that was the highlight of the TV shows and the books. The inevitable acceptance that only one would be left standing. And then when it did happen I not only got to see humans but Prime needed help. That was not good. That was almost leaving the cinema time for me too.

I hear tell that there are to be two more movies so there is hope yet. The effects were fluid and amazing and some of the lines were very good. It could have been so much better.

He didn't have to change so many of the essentials (why Megatron had to transform into an alien when he was one to start with I don;t know. And why could Bumbleebee not be a Beetle ). But like you said ... there's the second and third movies to look ahead to.

[Specfiction]

I personally don't care for this kind of movie, but I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed the review. It was very well written, informative, and amusing.

[Coolhand]

Originally Posted by Specfiction

I personally don't care for this kind of movie, but I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed the review. It was very well written, informative, and amusing.

Aw, thanks dude. You are a gentleman and a scholar.

Originally Posted by Nesacat

He didn't have to change so many of the essentials (why Megatron had to transform into an alien when he was one to start with I don;t know. And why could Bumbleebee not be a Beetle). But like you said ... there's the second and third movies to look ahead to.

Yeah, I REALLY didn't like the Megatron design. I mean, it was a great design but not for a Transformer movie.

Re: The VW Bug thing.
Apparently Bay wanted to avoid any comparisons to Herbie the Love bug, so he changed Bumblebee to a Camero. I can sort of understand his concern for a general audience, but for the fans Bumblebee is ICONIC as a VW Beetle. Another example of fans VS normal people I guess, and it was always gonna be the general audience who’d make or break a film this expensive. Sigh.

Plus they had a licensing deal with GM so all of the Autobots (except Prime) are GM vehicles. Interesting enough, that backfired a bit for Bay, who’s said he’s disappointed with the car he ended up with for Jazz, but had no choice coz GM effectively chose the car for him.

Bay and co have also admitted in interviews that the bots don’t get as much screen time as they’d like because they cost so much frickin’ money for each second of film. Again, I can sort of understand that because you can almost hear the dollar signs racking up when a bot even blinks or picks their nose, let alone engages on a kick-ass orgy of destruction. But I still think they could have spread the money a little differently, or edited the fights a little better to give us a better bot to human ratio.
Ah well.

Apparently in the sequals they will have more focus on the Transformers, because now they’ve worked out how to do them and also will have a larger budget. So here’s hoping...

I wanna see Prowl. Prowl rocks.