The Highlight Urpen Diaries

[Mark Robson]

Day 1 - 0026

Was very rudely evicted from my home at a most ungodly hour. There I was, warm and snuggled up in my nice little apartment when the landlady decided to throw me out... well, squeeze me out would probably be a better description. Actually, it took her a goodly long while to push me out through the door. She started trying nearly a day earlier, but I was determined not to let her get away with evicting me without putting up a bit of a fight. In the end all my protestations were in vain, but I'm kind of glad to be out really because it was getting pretty cramped in there. I used to have great fun jumping up and down on the landlady's bladder and somersaulting here there and everywhere. Recently, I haven't been able to do so much as take a decent swing at the wall, let alone give a running kick.

Outside the apartment is amazing. There are several other people, all very big who seem to go around with big grins fixed permanently on their faces. I think they must be mentally retarded or something. Anyway, they seemed friendly enough. I was too tired to move around much, so one of them picked me up and wrapped me in something they called clothing and blankets. They were warm enough, but felt kind of strange after my warm, wet apartment.

Got prodded and poked around a bit. Strange, but not unpleasant. Am very curious about the noises I can make out here. I opened my mouth and kind of pushed with my chest and this amazing crying sound came out. I was so surprised that my eyes popped open really wide and I stopped it straight away. Can make great gurgling sounds as well - seems to make the big people's smiles look even more demented. Will experiment with this after I take a bit of a nap.

0115 - Come on! Give a baby a break will you? I've been evicted from my home all of 45 minutes and now one of the big people has picked me up, stuck me under her arm and jammed a large red part of her anatomy in my mouth! Can't I just have a little peace for a few hours?

0120 - MMmm! Wow! Maybe this isn't such a bad thing after all. Give me more, lady - give me more!

[erickad71]

That was great Mark. Let us know when your feet touch the ground again.

[captaintripps]

Ha ha!! Great! I'v got another of the little blighters on the way at the end of January and your story made me come over all excited and nervous at the same time. God help me...

[dwndrgn]

Congrats on the new addition and the cute way of announcing it. Welcome to the world little Urpen!

[littlemissattitude]

Congrats on the new addition.

[Mark Robson]

Day 1 - 1300

It seems that one eviction in a day is not enough! I had just worked out that the big place with all the dementedly smiling people was called Hospital. It was kind of a cool place with lots to look at. I was just getting used to it, when the big person who keeps sticking part of her chest in my mouth, together with the big guy who keeps calling me son, up and drag me out into the cold air and into this incredible contraption that moves around with all of us inside it.

A while later the contraption stop and the big people start welcoming me to somewhere called home. I wonder what this is all about!

Urgh! There it goes again. Something strange keeps happening around my lower end. I get this insane urge to hold my breath and strain. Then all this black, gooey gunch comes out from between my legs and fills the clothing around my lower end. Every now and then, the big fella who calls himself daddy checks and changes the clothing. That's rather nice, actually. Particularly the warm water filled cotton wool balls. I tried to tell him that it felt nice, but he didn't seem to understand. Now I know he's retarded!

[I, Brian]

Lol!

Congratulations are in order?

[Mark Robson]

Originally Posted by I, Brian

Lol!

Congratulations are in order?

Indeed, Brian. 'Highlight' decided to put in an appearance yesterday, very early. No doubt he will keep people up to date for a few days on progress by logging his diaries. I'll try to moderate his postings to maintain some semblance of decency to the forum, but I see from the above that he already has a healthy sense of irreverance for his old man!

Edit: I put another thread on the lounge to announce properly.

[Mark Robson]

Day 2 - 0800

Mission accomplished! Managed to keep the big stupid one who calls himself 'Daddy' awake all the way through the night until now. Finally I got too tired to play any more, so I thought I'd take a nap for a while. Seems that the big fella is not quite as stupid as I thought, 'cause he took one at the same time. Will have to think of something to prevent this happening in future.

Managed to confuse the big people further today by complaining bitterly every time they checked to see if I'd filled that contraption they call a nappy. Ha! Now they don't know whether I like having it changed or not. Keep them confused - that's the strategy my instinct tells me works best.

Had a visit from the enemy today. She calls herself 'The Midwife'. It's not fair - her intelligence system seems to have collated far too much information on my natural instincts. She seems to understand how I think and what I'm up to. Note to self - must come up with new tactics to confuse and confusticate them. Will work on it over another nap.

[Mark Robson]

Day 3 - 1900

Meals - 6 so far! Sleep - not much, but more than the big people. Changes of clothing - 3. Changes of nappy - 6.

Damn but these big people are getting wise to my ways already! Stayed awake all night again last night, but the big stupid one and the one with the built in milk machines took it in turns to keep me quiet. I need to change tactics and soon if I am to break them!

Took great delight in keeping them busy all through the day again today. My crowning moment was when the big stupid one was forced into a complete change of clothing for me and I waited until he was just doing up the last popper on my jump suit before filling the new nappy in the loudest fashion I could manage, whilst simultaneously sicking up my latest feed all down the front of the clean clothing. Timing - immaculate.

[Mark Robson]

Day 3 - 2300

Sooooo tired! Must just have a little nap... zzzzzzz.

Day 4 - 0400

Damn! Damn! Damn! I let them get 5 hours of uninterrupted rest. Now I'm going to get really mad! *Yawn* Mustn't let them see that I'm weakening to their imposed routine. *Yawn*

Can't help it... eyes won't stay open... must not let them get... failed in my mission to... zzzzzzzz.

Day 4 - 0745

Now I've really had it! Must show these big people what I'm really made of.

Day 4 - 0815

Screamed myself hoarse for 30 minutes, but it made no difference. The big people have had time to get rest. I'm doomed. How can I stamp my authority on them if they're no longer tired? Think. Must think. I guess I'd better sleep on it... zzzzzz!

[littlemissattitude]

I love it. And they look so sweet and innocent when they're asleep, don't they?

[Mark Robson]

Day 5 - 0700

Have decided to abandon plans to keep big people awake all night. Went to sleep at 2300 last night and didn't wake up again until 0645. It's no good - I just like my sleep too much to mess around with the big people's any more. Will use sniper tactics from now on. Will lull them into a false sense of security and then throw an all night scream fest to keep them on their toes!

Yesterday was cool, because lots of cuddle monsters came to visit. Note to self - like cuddles very much, must wheedle more. If only they wouldn't keep sticking their big, ugly faces up close to mine, they would be the perfect pets.

Have discovered a strange new creature called a 'big sister'. This one is very different. She is about half the size of the big people and seems to be incredibly enthusiastic about everything. It was very clear that she was pleased to meet me, so she can't be all bad. Her cuddles are not quite so smooth as the really big people, but she does make funny faces and sing songs to amuse me which are really funny. Once I work out the strange language that they're being sung in, I get the feeling that they will probably turn out to be hilarious.

Note to diary: I suspect that LittlemissA is a cuddle monster!

[LadyFel]

Wooooohooo, go Highlight, go!!

I'm expecting baby #2 around the end of July, so I'm brushing up on their habits while I still have time and some semblance of sanity left...

[Mark Robson]

Originally Posted by LadyFel

Wooooohooo, go Highlight, go!!

I'm expecting baby #2 around the end of July, so I'm brushing up on their habits while I still have time and some semblance of sanity left...

Many congrats, LadyFel. I can honestly say that it's a joy when they arrive. Though by about day 3, I was pretty trashed. Much more in tune with the world again now though.