Shout Your Frustrations to the World! (You know you want to.(READ FIRST POST))

[Daisy-Boo]

I'm sending the warmest internet hugs your way hopewrites. Please hang in there. Even the darkest of times eventually pass. Take it one small step at a time. Don't worry about the big leaps. Slowly and surely does the job just as well, even better sometimes.

[springs]

Thinking about you, Hopew, the middle of the night can be a lonely place. You have so many gifts (opera singing, who knew?), a lovely way with words and there is no one quicker to support and give encouragement on the Chrons than you. I'm glad you'd somewhere to share the frustrations; sometimes that's the worst bit if we've no one to shout it out to. J

[Interference]

Originally Posted by hopewrites

I cant sleep and I just spent all night as the third wheel to my roommate who is stringing two along and just had to string them both tonight at the same time.

So, fourth wheel, in a way...

Originally Posted by hopewrites

I want to rip into something I am so fed to the teeth with her wishywashy ways. but i cant because its the middle of the night and I have work in the morning so I need to be asleep, instead i'm up thinking about all the things that are going wrong in my life and wishing i could just have a good cry and be done with it.

I wish I could offer a solution to this, I know the feelings so well an have rarely got beyond them and found peaceful rest. I don't know how you feel about confronting your room-mate, in fact you probably already have on more than one occasion. You don't say if you're friends as well, though by the sound of your distress you probably are, and could it be that your concerns are for her as well? And the future she seems to be making for herself? Or am I putting too much of myself into this?

Originally Posted by hopewrites

but crying didnt help and sleep aids didnt help. so i'm up and on line with no chair kneeling in front of my computer whining because I cant think of any other way to get all this pent up frustration off my chest.

Crying does help a little, though. So does punching pillows. So does screaming. The thing that doesn't help is dwelling and re-iterating conversations in your head that you'll never have. Those are the voices, those conversations, that torment me. I have to make extreme efforts to still them. I hope you find it easier.

Originally Posted by hopewrites

on top of that it will be the first year i spend christmas and thanksgiving away from family and friends. the papers were signed in such a way that I cant have my son with me even if i could afford the tickets to go get him. i dont have steady work and dont see any coming in the near future. i cant get into school. my Best Friend is paying my rent. I feel like a waste of space and a burden on society who is too selfish to remove myself from it, too conceited to see that i have never had a place, and too scared to go out and make one.

But right this moment, your enemy is that fear. The rest is in limbo, waiting to be resolved. The fear is holding you back from hoping. Hope is important - you know that. It's in your name

Originally Posted by hopewrites

and now i've posted a wall of text that will probobly not be read, and if it is will only make people feel sorry for me or mad at me or something i dont want to have done.

You're right, nobody ever reads these

I won't allow myself to feel sorry for you, cos that's your wish, so I'll just feel sorry about you. And then I'll say a bunch more self-indulgent stuff about how I know what you're going through when in truth I can't possibly know it at all, even though a lot of it resonates with feelings I've had and thoughts I've had. But you and I aren't unique in this. I claim I'm allowed to be a miserable so-and-so if I want to be one, cos I'm artistic, man. Misery is my Badge Of Honour. It's my entrance fee. You know the thing that really makes me miserable? I'm not making this up: The thing I get miserable about is I can't sing. Horrible voice. No range worth a damn. I have to write songs for myself in one octave or I'm pushing it. Some songs need more than one octave. Some feelings can't be expressed in one octave.

And the thing that surprises me sometimes is that occasionally someone will say they envy something about me and I'll think, "but I don't even work at that" and maybe I'll feel a little better about myself for a while. My best friend made me make a Good Box and put everything that's Good about me in there and look at it from time to time. I was shocked at how soon it started to look quite impressive. On paper, I'm an impressive guy Now it's just a question of believing that when I have to go out into Life.

Originally Posted by hopewrites

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFxIXC6Ss2M
this pretty much sums up how i am feeling tonight. I was thinking about my grandmother and relizing that I its been so long since i knew her that she has been pretty much idolized and mythologized in my mind. the good queen of the fairies who ruled from her castel on the hill. and i had a whole medow to roll a round in and a lake to swim in in the summer and just over the river was a forest for me to explore. and when ever i wanted i could wisk myself home to the smell of cookies or cinnamon rolls or pot roast.
when really she was just another grandmother; the meadow was a small hill that made up her back yard; the lake was a portable swimming pool that was deep enough for my feet not to touch; (they moved out of the "castle" when i was 4); the river was a trickling stream that cut through; and the forest was made of weeds on the uncultivated back 3ft of the yard.
the small hurt part of me wants to run away to that long ago time when the world could be set right with a hug and a hot cookie.

What a wonderful dream to carry with you forever. What a wonderful memory to keep of someone. What a place to be able to visit any time your mind takes you there.

When I read this, I knew I had to say something. I'm pompous and self-important enough to think that somehow, by accident, I might manage not to say the wrong thing. I don't know if I've said the right thing anywhere in this lot, but I hope it isn't too awful to read.

Take care and have a quick look in your Good Box and see if you can guess what I envy about you

[hopewrites]

*posting in the other thread too because that's really where this reply belongs*

Thank you all so very much for the love and support sent out to help me bale my swamped little life. I had no expectations other then the relief of stress and frustration and you stepped up to lend me a hand. I'm an empath which didnt help my situation last night, but even the smallest kind thought sent my way reaches me (the mean ones too but i try not to let them in as often) with so many of you sending me good wishes I slept soundly for the few hours that remained to my night and had a decent enough day today.
again, you have my bashful gratitude.
*bow*

[Mouse]

I am so angry that I have a huge headache. I asked a question over on the Lulu forum yesterday and this vile, condescending man has answered - although not actually answered anything I've asked at all - then told me off for using bad language! I've read my post several times and for the life of me can't see any bad language at all.

Stupid, stupid, hideous, horrible, stupid man.

This is why I like the Chrons so much. Nobody here is patronising.

*must retreat before head explodes*

[Interference]

There, there, dear, don't you worry your little head about it.


Hands up who knew I was gonna do that


Maybe he consider's a mis-placed apostrophe or something to be "bad language".

[hopewrites]

*HUG*
trolls happen. sorry one got at you, stay warm and safe over here. Tare into something like shredding chicken for your soup I find it really helps me calm down if I can get my nails dirty by clawing something to shreds. preferably something eatable so that i can lick them clean afterward. probably too catty for a good little mouse like you though

[springs]

Originally Posted by Interference

Hands up who knew I was gonna do that


".

No smiley for it, but if there were you know I'd be using it.

[Ursa major]

If there were any real bad language in your post, Mouse, wouldn't a moderator (or a Community Leader** as I think they're called) have dealt with it?








** - I joined Lulu the other day, in order to buy Teresa's Goblin Moon.

[springs]

Quickie this one, but frustrating. Job interview on Thus; most qualified for it, along the lines of what I walked away from 3 years ago, but there's travel involved (belfast to limerick and back again, in a day yeugh.) and my little one doesn't do missing mum's very well, and I don't do no income very well. Decisions to be made, my heart says no, my mind says I might have to. After four years of chronic anxiety and a year free of it, going back to that dark place of juggling it all doesn't appeal.

And I'd rather write my novel, it's just that, you know, the kids need clothes etc. etc.

[Interference]

Boy, talk about advanced Limerickitis!

I hope the best possible outcome finds you and that the anticipated anxiety is nothing like you think it'll be.

[springs]

Originally Posted by Interference

Boy, talk about advanced Limerickitis!

I hope the best possible outcome finds you and that the anticipated anxiety is nothing like you think it'll be.

Haha didn't think of it that way, made me smile. Limerick, watch out

And, I know, if I'm honest, the anxiety only comes back if I stretch my little family too far. I have a traffic light system, and I try to stay on amber - green takes me too low, red's off the scale of agitation - and I've stayed there, with the odd spike, for a year; so it would be a big gamble to chance that.

Oh, heck, hopefully someone else blows me out of the water, and I don't have to decide.

[Interference]

Amber's ok, but things get stuck in amber and it takes a couple of million years and Richard Attenborourgh to make anything out of it again. Unfortunately you see both red and green as enemies, but is that fair? Shouldn't green be a motivating force, taking you beyond stagnation and into excitement? Everyone deserves to hope for excitement, surely.

Ok, focus on yourself and your family, visualise what you really believe in and it will all come to you. That ain't hokum. That's the way the world works. Trust me. I'm a writer

Anxiety and wellbeing don't go together very well.

[hopewrites]

i thought tea was supposed to be soothing anxi-tea.... no? ok

i planned on having a bad day today and i woke up sleep-dialing my boyfriend. he changed my mind and contrary to all my plans i've had a good day.

things dont always go to plan.

and i guess after today, i'll remember that's not a bad thing.

[Deathpool]

I need some one to kill me. My mind seems to constantly be in the fiction world. My mind feels like it's under telepathic control, but I doubt that conclusion. I could be exagerating a bit, but I don't think so. I had an idea that possibly something is taking my mind, but I don't think so. Someone must kill me. If not I may have to do it myself. It's gotten worse over time.