Dream Sailing

[Arumbus]

This is the opening of chapter 15 in "The Battle for Traddlebow", a collaborative on-line sage with muliple authors. Here the hero needs to have some foreshadowing dreams of what may, or may not, happen in the forecoming battle. This is what I am thinking of for the opening.

Any input would be appreciated

Arumbus Talimar was in a strange state. He was dreaming, but knew full well that he was dreaming, and even while in his dream state; he knew, that he knew, he was dreaming

Dream Sailing his mother had called it, she would often go into this state and through it she could see things of the past, of the present, and even of the future. “You will not be able to control it now” he remembered her saying to him at the tender age of four after his first experience at Dream Sailing, “but as you learn to control you mind and your magic, you will one day be able control, at least to some extent, the things that you see”.

“It is like those boats on the lakes” Tropsy Talimar had told her young son “The wind fills their sails and they skit and skirt across the waters, the boat’s master foolishly thinking they have full control of where they can go and forgetting that without Elsen’s wind they would travel naught” His Ga, or magic essence, she had told him was the wind of Dream Sailing. “The stronger it is the further you can travel, the docks being the easiest to traverse; these are the things in present and can always be relied upon. Near the shores is the past, unchangeable but to navigate or decipher them accurately takes one with skill in controlling their Ga.” Tropsy cautioned Arumbus, “But the deep open waters, these are the future and are always treacherous, even to those with the strongest Ga. Here things may happen, or they may not. Just as the wind changes for countless reasons, the dreams of the future, though usually true and strait to one with strong Ga, are always unpredictable”

Arumbus had never quite mastered controlling a Dream Sailing session once it started, and was never able to induce it purposely as his Mother had, but did learn to be acutely aware, consciously and unconsciously when he was ‘Dream Sailing’ and not simply dreaming, and this was the state he was now in.

[Talysia]

Intriguing idea, Arumbus. A good start, and it did make me want to find out more about the idea of Dream Sailing.

A very interesting start. Keep up the good work!

[mixa]

Very original Arumbus!

I see that your writing style is very different to mine. I like your concept a lot. Its good stuff.

The only thing that I did pick up on, maybe its intentional is that you like to repeat certain sections

He was dreaming, but knew full well that he was dreaming, and even while in his dream state; he knew, that he knew, he was dreaming

Arumbus had never quite mastered controlling a Dream Sailing session once it started, and was never able to induce it purposely as his Mother had.

For effect?

[Arumbus]

Well the dreamiing one yes for a bit of efect and mabe tempo

the " never" one - No, not for effect - a bit sloppy I am afraid. I usually am quite careful about repeating words... unless it is for effect - which in this case, it is not.

Thanks for pointing it our - let me tweak it a bit.

[Arumbus]

Well at the beginning of the post I did the beginning of this story, with your help, I have finished it. This is the closing sequence. Your thoughts and imput would be welcome.





Kragle had just finished uttering the two of the three-word incantation when Arumbus spoke through Eetoo’s physical body from his dream side, much as he had spoken in dreams through his own body to Hogdin but seconds before. He spoke but one word but choose if carefully. After spending over 10 Seasons with his shape shifting friend Hogdin, Arumbus had learned at least some of the secret words the Hundar Class used in their transformation spells.

“Preample” the Wood Elf spat out the third word of the shape shifting incantation through the Furs mouth. This had followed Kragle’s first two words “Arraptus, Colindo” and replaced the Wizard intended final word “Parziat”. With Arumbus changing the word, The War Ogre it had been cast on transformed harmlessly into a large bay horse, instead of the Blackfur Hunter Kragle intended.

I SAID STAY OUT FUR, the thundering words crashed into both Eetoo and Arumbus’ mind, more of an elemental rage than actual thoughts, but the message was clear. Knowing that now he had broken Dulan’s protection by taking partial control of the Furs body by speaking, Arumbus could sense that Kragle would now be able to sense his presence and his thoughts. So he did what he had done countless times when in situations faced with utter doom, He bluffed.

“You think The Mothers are foolish enough to send that worthless Grayfur again” he shouted through the Grayfurs mouth, garnering the attention of a thousand Ogres in the war camp. “I am Witriss, the Hammer of The One and I have taken full control of this Grayfur shell. I seek to do battle with these worthless Ogres… if any have enough courage to leave their mother’s skits and fight me. Though I doubt it by their looks” With this he shifted his limited control of the Furs body from the mouth to that of the eyes and forced them shut with all of his will, not allowing any of the three who shared the aging Grayfur’s body to see what was happening about them.

Unbeknownst to Kragle, Eetoo, or even Arumbus himself, a hundred Battle Axes fell into a hundred insulted War Ogre’s death grip. They methodically surrounded the Grayfur, who they thought has been processed by Witriss The Mother of Virtue and Strength supplanting their leader Kragle, their. Retribution was clearly on their minds.

You are not Eetoo and you are certainly not Witriss, furious thought invaded Arumbus’ mind. Who are you?The question boomed so loudly it crashed through his Dream side and caused pain in his real ears. As the question was being asked he felt ten thousand memories drawn out of his mind and sifted vigorously by Kragle, just as a framers wife may sift through old Swan Wheat flour looking to take out the bugs, uglies and imperfections.

Arumbus! The thought boomed at him, The so called Champion of Mernac. Well Champio,n Kraglethoughts asked him, do you know what I can do to you? Do you know what I can make you do?

Cry!

The one word response held a double purpose, not only did the Wood Elf hope that it would infuriate the Wizard, but he prayed to The One herself that it would prompt Eetoo to finally do his part.

Though Krasgle’s Ga was temporarily weak, he was still able to place Arumbus mind in the Terrors. Dark vision after dark vision assaulted his essence. Terrors of his youth, both real and imagined permeated his soul with relentless realism. Horrors to and with his mother, Vanessa, innocent children and even to Siberlee, the Mother of Nature herself disgusted and repulsed him. Despicable acts of violence, rape and rage where Arumbus himself was the unwitting perpetrator controlled by Kragle, filled his eyes, ears and spirit. Arumbus’ gentle soul wished for death.

A second was century – a moment a millennium, but still the Wood Elf endured the onslaught without flinching, keeping the Grayfur’s eyes firmly shut and thus consuming Kragle’s entire focus. It was not until he heard, or rather felt the Kaveh Cry finally go out go out did he try to escape the torment. With the warning sent, his opinion of Eetoo had changed completely. Arumbus had wished for the release of death with only moments in the Terrors. The brave Grayfur had endured it three times. Now both their ordeal was over Arumbus only prayed that Hogdin had done as he requested so this nightmare might end. There was but one way to find out.

Arumbus Talimar opened his eyes.

One never leaves a dream immediately upon waking. Floating images meander through the mind for several seconds, sometime minutes. Dream Sailing is no different. For these precious moments Arumbus was still connected to both Eetoo and Kragle. On opening his eyes both on his dream side and his conscious side at the exact same instant the visions of both scenes, that of the dungeon cell, and that of the Ogre war camp filled all three of their eyes.

In their collective vision, the foreground was dominated by four massive man-things raging and about to smash the watcher to a pulp. In the background all three saw hundreds of furious War Ogres chanting death and brandishing deadly axes of destruction.

“Kragle, you are not the only one with the magic to control creatures” The Wood Elf said out loud and in his thoughts, “Release his soul back to Ooloo where he belongs or I will have these Caetyri kill you, if your own War Ogres do not get you first”

The Wizard complied and Eetoo’s thoughts and essence left the trio, Arumbus felt, not heard, a soft “thank you” with the leaving. Then Kragle himself departed the shared body, just before an Ogres axe split the head of the empty Grayfur shell. With the Wizard’s leaving he felt, not heard, a single word, “Revenge”.

Arumbus himself left the dream himself with a satisfied utterance, “Justice”

“Justice for what?” Hogdin screamed at him desperately in the worls of the fully conscious. “Snap out of it, these man-things are about to kill you. You need to do something.”

“Not now. You will have to deal with them Hogdin, I still have dreams Siberlee needs to show me” The Wood Elf replied tiredly while closing heavy eyes and promptly returned to Dream Sailing the treacherous open waters of the future.

[chrispenycate]

Originally Posted by Arumbus

This is the opening of chapter 15 in "The Battle for Traddlebow", a collaborative on-line sage with muliple authors. Here the hero needs to have some foreshadowing dreams of what may, or may not, happen in the forecoming battle. This is what I am thinking of for the opening.

Any input would be appreciated

Arumbus Talimar was in a strange state. He was dreaming, but knew full well that he was dreaming, and even while in his dream state;

comma, rather than a semicolon

he knew,

no need for this comma

that he knew, he was dreaming

Dream Sailing

something to cut off the quote - possibly inverted commas?

his mother had called it,

semicolom

she would often go into this state and through it she could see things of the past, of the present, and even of the future. “You will not be able to control it now” he remembered her saying to him at the tender age of four

comma

after his first experience at Dream Sailing, “but as you learn to control you

your

mind and your magic, you will one day be able

to?

control, at least to some extent, the things that you see”.

“It is like those boats on the lakes” Tropsy Talimar had told her young son “The wind fills their sails and they skit and skirt across the waters, the boat’s master foolishly thinking they

it's either "master - he" or "boats' masters - their"

have full control of where they can go and forgetting that without Elsen’s wind they would travel naught” His Ga, or magic essence, she had told him

comma

was the wind of Dream Sailing. “The stronger it is the further you can travel, the docks being the easiest to traverse; these are the things in present and can always be relied upon. Near the shores is the past, unchangeable but to navigate or decipher them

it?

accurately takes one with skill in controlling their

his

Ga.” Tropsy cautioned Arumbus, “But the deep open waters, these are the future and are always treacherous, even to those with the strongest Ga. Here things may happen, or they may not. Just as the wind changes for countless reasons, the dreams of the future, though usually true and strait to one with strong Ga, are always unpredictable”

Arumbus had never quite mastered controlling a Dream Sailing session once it started, and was never able to induce it purposely as his Mother had, but did learn to be acutely aware, consciously and unconsciously

comma; and perhaps "of"?

when he was ‘Dream Sailing’ and not simply dreaming, and this was the state he was now in.

Yes, I know; I've corrected dialogue again. Please feel free to ignore me.

[Arumbus]

Yes, I know; I've corrected dialogue again. Please feel free to ignore me.

LOL, don't worry about it. When it comes to correction to grammar and structure I will more often than not take them.

I am aweful with this (spellin to - hehe). I am sometimes ashamed to call my self a writer. I always try and have someone better than I go over it before I call it done.

Thank you.

[Arumbus]

Ok the story is finished but I am getting tripped up on poem/prayer the main character needs to recite. I am not much od a poet as you will see. It is to Siberlee the Mother (goddess) of Nature who is the Patron (Matron I guess LOL) to Arumbus the main character.

The lead in prose:

From the far reaches of his boyhood, Arumbus searched for a prayer he could utter. He had never been a devout Elf and could remember none save an inscription that was on the cover of a book of spells his mother had shown him as a child. It was not exactly a prayer, more of a proverb or incantation. His remembered his mother making him repeat it time and time again. He recollected with a smile on his lips what his mother had told him, “Memorize these words Arumbus, one day they may save your skin.”

Is this that time? He thought as the words from his youth entered his mind and passed silently to his lips.

The Prayer:

Ask Siberlee, Siberlee, Siberlee
Life is so blue,
Oh, what shall you do,
Turn to your Mother.

Tell Siberlee, Siberlee, Siberlee
Strength is to low,
Oh, loosing too foe,
Turn to your Mother.

Be Siberlee, Siberlee, Siberlee
Protector of Creature,
Oh, nature’s own teacher,
Turn to your Mother.

Pray Siberlee, Siberlee, Siberlee
Goddess of tree,
Oh, maker of thee,
She is your Mother.

any input would be appreciated

[Arumbus]

hmmm that bad huh? - no responses says it all - was afraid of that - back to the drawing (writing) board.

[Arumbus]

It was that bad!

I got a little help from a poet friend (Fathercrow) and I think this works out better:

When insight is blue,
What shall you do?
Pray to your Mother.
Siberlee!

When strength is too low,
To stand against the foe,
Pray to your Mother.
Siberlee!

Protector of plant, spirit and creature,
Nature Goddess and teacher,
Pray to your Mother.
Siberlee!

[Arumbus]

Thanx for all the help! Dream Sailing is now published. LOL when you own your own Web site I guess you can publish anything!

As for the poetry part.... well I am terrible at it – but Fathercrow came to the rescue and helped me out.

When insight is blue,
What shall you do?
Pray to your Mother.
Siberlee!

When strength is too low,
To stand against the foe,
Pray to your Mother.
Siberlee!

Protector of plant, spirit and creature,
Nature Goddess and teacher,
Pray to your Mother.
Siberlee!

As for the ending this is how it ended up:

Arumbus! The thought boomed at him, The so-called Champion of Mernac. Well, Champion, Kragle’sthoughts asked him, do you know what I can do to you? Do you know what I can make you do?

Cry!

The one word response held a double purpose, not only did the Wood Elf hope that it would infuriate the Wizard, but he prayed to The One herself that it would prompt Eetoo to finally do his part.

Though Kragle’s Ga was temporarily weak, he was still able to place Arumbus’s mind in the Terrors. Dark vision after dark vision assaulted his essence. Terrors of his youth, both real and imagined, permeated his soul with relentless realism. Horrors to and with his mother, and Vanessa, innocent children, and even Siberlee, the Mother of Nature herself, disgusted and repulsed him. Despicable acts of violence, rape, and rage where Arumbus himself was the unwitting perpetrator controlled by Kragle, filled his eyes, ears and spirit. Arumbus’s gentle soul wished for death.

A second was a century – a moment a millennium, but still the Wood Elf endured the onslaught without flinching, keeping the Grayfur’s eyes firmly shut and thus consuming Kragle’s entire focus. It was not until he heard, or rather felt the Kahveh Cry finally go out did he try to escape the torment.

With the warning sent, his opinion of Eetoo had changed completely. Arumbus had wished for the release of death with only moments in the Terrors. The brave Grayfur had endured it three times. Now both their ordeals were almost over. Arumbus only prayed that Hogdin, or maybe even the Caetyri had done as he requested so that this nightmare might end. There was but one way to find out.

Arumbus Talimar opened his eyes.

One never leaves a dream immediately upon waking. Floating images meander through the mind for several seconds, sometime minutes. Dream Sailing is no different. For these precious moments Arumbus was still connected to both Eetoo and Kragle. On opening his eyes both on his dream side and his conscious side at the exact same instant the visions of both scenes, that of the dungeon cell, and that of the Ogre war camp filled all three of their eyes.

In their collective vision, the foreground was dominated by four massive man-things raging and about to smash the watcher to a pulp. In the background all three saw hundreds of furious War Ogres chanting death and brandishing deadly axes of destruction.

“Kragle, you are not the only one with the magic to control creatures,” the Wood Elf said out loud and in his thoughts, “Release Eetoo’s soul back to Ooloo where he belongs or I will have these Caetyri kill you, if your own War Ogres do not get you first.”

The Wizard complied and Eetoo’s thoughts and essence left the trio, Arumbus felt, not heard, a soft “thank you” with the leaving. Then Kragle himself departed the shared body, just before an Ogre’s axe tried to split the head of the empty Grayfur shell, but with Eetoo and Kragle gone the body disappeared with them.

With the Wizard’s leaving he felt, not heard, a single word, “Vengence.”

Arumbus himself left the dream with a satisfied utterance of a single thought, “Justice.”

“Justice for what?” Hogdin screamed at him desperately in the world of the fully conscious. “Snap out of it, these man-things are about to kill you. You need to do something.”

“Not now, but I think they were but helping us. You will have to deal with them Hogdin, I still have dreams Siberlee needs to show me,” the Wood Elf replied tiredly.

Arumbus closed heavy eyes and promptly returned to Dream Sailing the treacherous open waters of the future.

Once again thaks for all the help - maybe it will end up in a book one day!