Spirit World - First Three Chapters (fourth on it's way)

[Griffith]

I came up with this story a week ago and decided that I had to get it written down before I forgot it. If the initial chapters have positive feedback, I will post more. When you're reading this, please keep in mind that this is the first time I've written any kind of story, so it's not going to be perfect. However, I would like some honest criticism, as it will only help me make the story better in the end. I've split what I've written so far into three chapters. The characters thoughts are written in italics, so don't let that confuse you. Also, please bear with the first part of the story, as it builds up to the rest, and even though it starts outside of a fantasy setting, this is a fantasy story. I'd like to thank you ahead of time for reading the story, and I ask that you provide feedback. I might change the title later, but for right now it's Spirit World.



Spirit World - Chapter 1

As the final school bell of the day sounded, Matt Foster gave a deep sigh of relief and quickly exited his European History class, heading towards his locker to put his books away. He noticed a group of students in the hallway across his locker talking amongst themselves, but as he neared the locker they quieted and focused their attention on him. They know what happened in the cafeteria today, Matt thought. Matt couldn’t help but recall the incident with excruciating detail: the way he just stood there as if stuck in a trance; the venomous look that she gave him; the eerie silence that followed as everyone turned to watch; and lastly the sound of nearly 300 students erupting in laughter at the spectacle.

The sound of the clock above his locker brought Matt’s mind back to the task at hand and he quickly turned the knob on his lock back and forth, stopping on the appropriate numbers, until he could snap it open and remove it from his locker. Matt heard a stifled laugh behind him, which soon changed to shrill laughter as a stream of peanuts spilled forth from his locker. The rest of the students nearby soon joined in the laughter, as Matt once again found himself in a dazed state. Everything and everyone around him seemed to be moving in slow motion. The sound of his heart beating increased in magnitude until it was all he could hear. A hand placed on his shoulder brought him out of his paralyzed state, and he sprinted for the nearest exit, his vision reduced by the stinging tears that had quickly formed. Mat continued to run until he spotted the entrance to the baseball field. He entered and was glad to find the place empty. He sat and cried for what seemed like only a few minutes, but when he lifted his head from his arms and wiped his tears, he noticed that the sky was already dark.

Picking up his backpack from where he had left it earlier, Matt made the walk to the student parking lot where he was relieved to find his dark green Toyota pickup truck just as he had left it. Some part of him expected it to be vandalized by now. A likely scenario would be to find a depiction of his genitals on one of his truck’s windows. Thinking back, the joke was obvious to Matt. The only thing he couldn’t figure out was how someone managed to find enough peanuts to fill his locker with in such a short amount of time. After lunch, he had only two classes, each lasting an hour. Matt couldn’t help but wonder if the lunch ladies had a part to play in the prank. He wouldn’t put anything past anyone at Marshall High School after the year he just had. Although, today was, by far, his worst day at the school. It hadn’t started out that way however, as Matt couldn’t wait to get to school that morning. He had been building up his confidence for weeks to ask Cynthia Robertson to go with him to the Prom.

For as long as he was a student at Marshall High, Matt had a secret crush on Cynthia. He decided that today would be the day he finally got over his fears and asked her out. Now Matt regretted the decision as it turned out to be the biggest mistake of his life. All had gone according to plan, initially. Matt did not stumble while walking over to her table like he had feared he would, nor did he have trouble getting his message across. What Matt failed to realize before he walked over to her is that his pants were unzipped, giving Cynthia and her friends that were seated at the table a direct view of his crotch. He would never be able to forget the look of disgust on her face. Nor would he ever want to show his face at Marshall again. Luckily for him, today was Friday, and he had the weekend to make his decision on the matter.

Arriving at his home, a two story house nestled in the mountainous Southern region of San Diego, California, Matt unlocked the door and was once again greeted by a note from his father posted on the fridge. “Sorry, I can’t be there for dinner tonight, Matt. I will be stuck in New York for a few more days, or until we can finish our work here. I left some money in your drawer, incase you need it.” That was all, as usual.

He didn’t even bother to leave an emergency number, where I could reach him. I bet he wouldn’t even bat an eye if I were to die while he was gone.

Matt decided to pass on dinner, despite the fact that he hadn’t eaten anything for over 14 hours. After taking a quick shower, he plopped down on his bed and instantly fell into a deep sleep. He awoke the next morning still feeling terrible, only now his hunger was unbearable. However, he decided to hold off on eating breakfast until he got in his morning jog. After putting on his dark blue Nike jogging shorts, and his White cutoff t-shirt, he headed out the backdoor and began jogging up the steep sloped path that started behind his house and ended near the summit of the small mountain he nicknamed Oasis, because of all the times he had found peace and shelter there from the harsh desert that was his life, even though the mountain had no trees to speak of. After a half hour of jogging, Matt stopped to take a few sips of water from the small bottle in his fanny pack. But just as he was about to get going again, he noticed a lizard next to his feet. It had its mouth sticking open in a futile attempt to cool itself. Noticing that there was no shelter nearby where the lizard could escape the scorching sun, Matt felt a sense of pity for the creature and decided to pour water for it onto the ground. The lizard scurried away as he poured the water, so Matt decided to continue his jog. However, a quick glance over his shoulder, as he headed up the trail, brought a smile to his face, after seeing that the lizard had returned and was drinking the puddle of water by scooping it up with his small purple tongue.

It was Sunday evening and Matt had just gotten done doing his laundry. He was still mulling over his decision to return to school the following day or to transfer to another school on his ride home. He was taking the shorter route home, through Woodman Street, which had no traffic lights, but instead boasted several twists and turns over a steep hillside. Matt had taken this road countless times before, and could clear it using a single knee to steer if he had to. However, a thick fog had settled over the entire hillside that night, which made traveling on the road treacherous. Even so, everything was going fine until he turned a corner and saw a cloaked figure standing in the middle of the road, only a few yards from his car. Matt slammed on the breaks and jerked his steering wheel to the left to avoid hitting the pedestrian, but he could not jerk the wheel back quickly enough and his car crashed through the side rail and down into the black abyss of the steep hillside below. The last thing he remembered before his eyes closed was the odor of the dust coming from the busted airbags. He awoke in a cool, dark room. The first thing he noticed was the elaborately decorated ceiling. The decorations shimmered and glowed, forming an image of the Earth and its moon, surrounded by thousands of sparkling stars. He got up from the plush bed he was lying on.

This must be one hell of a hospital, he thought as he tested his legs and found that they worked well enough. But something was wrong. His body felt different somehow. The room was too dark for him to properly examine himself so he decided to search for a light switch. He was halfway across the room before he noticed the figure by the wall. Startled, he quickly took a step back and tripped, falling on the smooth ground below. He could feel something soft behind his back, but he ignored it. “Don’t be frightened,” the figure said in a soft voice.
“Who are you,” asked Matt?
“My name is Sukraiya Sky, and it is I who brought you here.”
“I guess I have you to thank for saving me then. I’m sure my father will reward you handsomely when he gets here.” That is if he ever gets here…, Matt thought, although he didn’t bother voicing his concern. “By the way, which hospital did you bring me to? I’ve never been in a hospital room this finely decorated,” Matt said.
“I’m afraid there is a reason for that…a reason which you might not like. You see…you are not in a hospital, in fact, you are no longer even in your own world,” the figure said, making as if to say more but then changing its mind.
“What are you saying? If this is another prank, don’t bother. I’m transferring out of Marshall, so you should victimize someone else,” Matt said, although his shaky voice betrayed his stern look.
“I’m afraid you don’t understand. This is not a prank, Matt. You died in the car accident.”

[Griffith]

Spirit World - Chapter 2

The room fell quiet and a cool breeze blew in through the only window, which was covered by a thin curtain. Matt suddenly had a terrible feeling that he had been kidnapped by this figure, and he immediately wanted to catch a glimpse of the perpetrators face. “Show yourself,” he said, loudly, and in what he figured was a commanding voice.

“Don’t speak loudly! Someone might hear, and if they discover what I’ve done, it will be the end of me,” the figure said in a hushed voice. Waiting until Matt gave a nod, the figure continued, “I will show myself to you, but you must promise me that you will not scream for help, or panic. Do you promise?”

“Yes, I promise,” Matt replied, while at the same time telling himself that a promise to a criminal who had kidnapped him was not a real promise, and that he would not stick to the terms if he didn’t want to. He focused on the figure, as it moved silently over to the wall nearest the entrance to the room. It touched two orbs on each side of the door, which were about the size of basketballs, and only a few seconds later they began to shine, and light enveloped the room. The figure turned around, and to Matt’s shock, she was a girl. The shock did not stop there, as a moment later, she untied the strings on the brown robe she was wearing to reveal her entire body. The room around him seemed to dim as Matt focused his attention on the brilliant sight in front of him. The girl had a face as white as snow, with high cheek bones, smooth pink lips, and dazzling green eyes that seemed to sparkle. Her curly, strawberry blonde hair fell lightly down her shoulders, highlighting her slender neck, and the onyx necklace she wore around it. She had on a white nightgown that ended at the floor, but did not disguise her slender, lithe body. But there was something odd about her ears. Matt got up to examine them more closely, causing the girl to take a step back. His heart nearly stopped as a pair of white feathered wings opened up and spread out on both sides of the girl.

“You…your….your an angel,” he nearly shouted. Suddenly a realization came upon him. “Then I must really be dead...” A cloud of memories descended on him and tears came to his eyes as he remembered his mother. I will never see her again, he thought. His only consolation was that he had made it to heaven, and would someday be reunited with her. Matt decided that he would hold firmly to that hope.

The girl recovered her composure and silenced him with a gesture. “I warned you to remain silent. If you insist on speaking loudly, then we must carry on this conversation elsewhere. Come, we will fly to my favorite ridge on the mountain,” she said, as she moved over to the open window.

“What are you talking about? I can’t fly, I’m a human remember!”

“You are human no longer. You are now a sky elf, just like me.”

“An elf? Don’t make me laugh,” he said, but then he quickly remembered the odd shape of her ears, and noticed that even though they were mostly hidden under her hair, they were sharp, and pointed upwards. Shocked, he stared down at himself, and noticed that his body was completely different. Aside from a pair of light blue tight pants, he was wearing nothing. He now had a chiseled chest and washboard abs. His arms were also more muscular. Matt spotted a small mirror on a cupboard beside the bed he’d been sleeping on, and walked over to pick it up. A glance at his face confirmed that he was no longer human, or atleast not the same human that he was before. He, like the girl also had blonde curly hair and green eyes, whereas before he had straight black hair and blue eyes. His ears were clearly pointed. He moved the mirror around to catch a glimpse of other parts of his body when he noticed something moving behind him. He turned around and fumbled with his hands to grab a feathered wing. Matt was shocked to find that it was attached to his back, along with another wing. His wings felt almost as light as air, which would explain why he hadn’t felt them until now.

Seeing that he was clearly confused and taken aback by everything Sukraiya held one of her hands out. “Come, I’ll explain everything to you. But first we must leave this room. I hear voices growing louder,” she said, in an urgent, yet soothing voice.

Matt was hesitant at first, but then moved over to where she was standing by the window. A moment later he was soaring through the cool night air, holding tightly onto Sukraiya’s right hand, with nothing below him but darkness. I'm going to wake up any moment now from this dream, Matt thought, as he closed his eyes.

[Griffith]

Spirit World - Chapter 3


It seemed like he had closed his eyes for only a second before he felt himself plunging downward. His body spun, causing him to lose all sense of direction. The only objects he could identify were his wings, which were slapping against his face and getting caught between his legs. Matt frantically tried to position his body so that he could distinguish ground from sky, and control his wings once again. His efforts proved to be futile and a terrible realization gripped his conscience as he waited for the ground to meet him. It can’t end like this, he thought. He decided to close his eyes to his fate, to make it easier for himself. Suddenly, he was heading in the opposite direction and felt something pulling at his left foot. He opened his eyes and saw that Sukraiya had somehow managed to grab him, and was flying with him towards a dark mass which highlighted the horizon. A few minutes later she descended, and just as she was about to hit the cliff wall, her body moved to a vertical position, and her wings flapped toward the wall, causing her to be suspended in mid-air and enabling her to deposit him on the smooth ridge below. Even though the short fall had knocked the wind out of him, he was glad to be back on land. Sukraiya glanced back to make sure they hadn’t been followed. Satisfied that no one had followed them, she settled down next to him, with her back against the cliff wall. The ridge jutted out about 15 feet, so it was safe for him to stretch out his limbs. Recovering his composure, he now set about examining his body to see if any part of him was harmed during his first experience flying. Matt was pleased to find that his body was fine, so he moved onto his wings. He grabbed a wing and stretched it outward, examining it with his eyes and other hand. Then, he did the same with the other one. Aside from a few missing feathers, they were the same as before, and he felt no pain in them. “These wings must be defective or something. They gave out on me partway through the flight,” he said.

“There’s nothing wrong with your wings. You must have shut your eyes during the flight,” she said, pausing a moment to see if he understood. Seeing that he was still confused, she continued on. “Didn’t you notice that for someone who has never flown before, you had no difficulties flying in the beginning?”

“I noticed…but I thought there was magic within my wings that kept me afloat. I also thought that you had a part to play as well. I figured that you were sharing your ability with me, through our hands touching,” Matt said, with furrowed brows.

“Magic has nothing to do with it. A Sky Elf’s wings respond to his or her senses. Above all, visual stimulation is necessary in order for us to activate our wings. Our eyes send signals to our minds, which then subconsciously transmits commands to our wings. Therefore, you have to constantly keep your eyes open while you are flying, otherwise you’ll experience a repeat of today’s events,” she said, while giving him a cautionary look. “There are also other visual and emotional experiences which might trigger a Sky Elf’s wings, such as when you approached me earlier in the room, and they opened up”

“That reminds me; where were we earlier? The room we were in was fit for a king,” Matt said.

“Fit for a prince actually. You were in the room of my brother, Prince Aiden.”

“So that would make you…”

“A princess? Yes, and also the heir to the throne of the Sky Realm.”

“A princess”, Matt gasped! He stared as if seeing her for the first time. Well, she certainly looks like a princess , he thought. “But how can you be the heir to the throne if you have a brother?”

“Our ways are different from yours. Perhaps, you will come to understand them in time,” she said, while looking off into the distance.

“How did I get here? Also, why was I brought in the first place? You still haven’t told me,” he said in an impatient manner.

She paused for a long while, gathering her thoughts, then said, “In order for you to fully understand how and why you are here, I must first tell you the story of how our worlds came to exist, since they are intimately linked. A long time ago, no one is sure exactly how long, there existed only the creator. We refer to him as Tartuk. You might know him as God, or another of the many names humans have for him. He lived in a large kingdom, which you humans refer to as Heaven, but which we elves refer to as Spirit World, because it’s the place where our spirits originated. One day, he decided to make spirit creatures to serve him in his kingdom. He was so pleased with their service, that after a time, he decided to reward them with the ability to think and act freely. The spirits rejoiced and began to ask for things from him. He cared for them so much that he gave them everything they requested. Because they varied in what they asked for, distinctions began to emerge. Some spirits started to consider themselves as more worthy of Tartuk’s attention. They divide themselves into two main groups, with varying philosophies within each group. Soon enough, both groups decided that they could no longer live amongst each other and asked for Tartuk to build separate homes for them.

Tartuk created two separate planets and filled each planet with different creatures. He sent the spirits that would come to be known as humans to one planet, referred to as Earth, and sent the spirits that would come to be known as elves to the planet Rhodun. The spirits in Rhodun searched far and wide for the best creatures to enter. They decided to enter the creatures that they felt were the most beautiful, which were the elves. The spirits of Earth also conducted a search for the best possible hosts, and finally settled on humans, because they saw their potential. The spirits were satiated for a time, but not long after, each spirit group wanted to know what the other spirit group was doing on their planet. They beseeched Tartuk to allow them access to each other’s planets, in order to satisfy their curiosity. So, Tartuk built a portal connecting the two worlds, allowing spirits from both sides to cross into each other’s planets and back again. The elf spirits had developed magic in the time they’d been alone, and also developed differences in their physical appearance and abilities. They viewed the humans as uncivilized and unintelligent, so they stopped entering the portal to Earth, and instead remained on their planet. When the human spirits had seen what the elf spirits had accomplished in their world, they grew jealous. They tried to bring back the magic they learned from the elves to Earth, but it was useless; the human bodies which their spirits occupied could not perform magic like the elves. They decided that if they could not share in the magic, that they would wipe out the elf spirits and occupy their world. The peaceful elves were not prepared for the horror that humans brought, and tens of thousands died. Their cries were heard by the creator and he decided to rectify the situation. He sealed the portal so that humans could no longer cross to Rhodun and elves could no longer cross to Earth. The humans were furious. They blamed the elves for turning Tartuk against them. They asked Tartuk to reopen the portal, but Tartuk refused. The humans would not let the matter go, so Tartuk offered them a choice. He knew that humans could never handle magic, and even if they could, that they would use it against themselves. Therefore, he gave humans knowledge of science instead. He granted a single human eternal life and gave him the means to distribute scientific knowledge to the other humans, so that he could watch over them and guide their progress. He also gave a single elf eternal life, and knowledge of all magic, and the ability to distribute it throughout the different realms of Rhodun, so that no elvish realm would be more powerful than any other.

These two immortal beings, the human and the elf, were granted the title of Watchers, and given servants, called helpers, to aid them in their task. For three days every 1000 years, the portal between the worlds opens and the Watchers send their servants to measure the amount of advancement each world has made. If either Watcher feels that the other Watcher has given too much power to their people, then they will hold a meeting in Spirit World, in the presence of Tartuk, who will make the final decision. This rarely happens however, as both Watchers would prefer to increase the power of their people to match the increase in power by the other Watcher, rather than to decrease the amount of power of both worlds. The Watcher in Earth was continuously bothered by some among his people who wanted more power, so he decided to erase the memories of all the humans concerning him, Rhodun, and spirit world. However, he continued to advance them in science because it improved their lives, and pleased him. The Watcher in Rhodun did not follow suit. He made sure that the elves never forgot about humans, and the threat they posed. He taught them to fear humans, and to kill any that ever pass into their world.

During the three day period every 1000 years when the portal between the two worlds are open, spirits from Rhodun can enter Earth, and occupy the bodies of the creatures on that planet, including humans. Also, human spirits can enter through the portal and occupy the bodies of elves, or the other creatures on Rhodun. However, if either group does not return through the portal before the 3 days are up, they will be stuck on the other group’s planet until the next portal opens, which is to say that they will die in a foreign world, since no human lives that long, and neither do most elves. Also, if the creature that they are occupying dies while they are still in it’s body, then they too will die with it. This is the most dangerous part about occupying another’s body, and is also the reason why most elves do not wish to enter human world. They feel much safer in their own world, and in their own bodies, then stuck in a foreign world, in a body that they don’t completely understand, with their hated enemies, the humans, all around them.

It just so happens that the portal that opens once very 1000 years opened 3 days ago, and I entered into your world.” she said, pausing to catch her breath. “I did not know that I would be stuck in the first creature that I touched. I also did not know that I have to remain in that creature’s body until 1 hour passes.”

“What’s the problem with that? One hour is not a long time,” Matt said.

“One hour in our world is roughly 12 hours in your world. And, the first creature I happened to touch was a small, peculiar creature with green skin, four legs, a tail, and a purple tongue,” she said, waiting to see if he understood.

“You mean a lizard? Those are fairly common in our world. I guess they aren’t exactly the best choice of creature to occupy if you’re going to be in Earth. Personally, I’d go with an eagle, so that I could soar high above the ground. But…then again you can already fly, so that probably wouldn’t interest you much,” he said.

“When I entered the…lizard’s… body, I thought I was going to die. My throat was parched, and my entire body felt like it was burning from the intense rays of your star. I thought that for sure I would perish until you came along and poured some water for me. I drank the water, and soon afterwards I exited the creature’s body and decided that I would follow you around and observe you until the end of the third day arrived. However, just when I was about to leave back to my world, you perished. I decided to take your spirit before the helpers reached it, and brought it back with me through the portal to Rhodun, afterwards placing it in my brother’s body,” she said, studying his face to see how he would react to the revelation.

“Wait, so you were…? The…the accident? And, the lizard too?”

She nodded, “Everything I’ve told you is true, Matt. Now you must promise to never reveal it to anyone, and in return I will promise to show you all that my world has to offer," she said, adding the last part with a smile.

[silveroxide]

Having read the first chapter, there's only one part that really sticks out at me as needing rewriting:

Originally Posted by Griffith

It was Sunday evening and Matt had just gotten done doing his laundry. He was still mulling over his decision to return to school the following day or to transfer to another school on his ride home. He was taking the shorter route home, through Woodman Street, which had no traffic lights, but instead boasted several twists and turns over a steep hillside. Matt had taken this road countless times before, and could clear it using a single knee to steer if he had to. However, a thick fog had settled over the entire hillside that night, which made traveling on the road treacherous. Even so, everything was going fine until he turned a corner and saw a cloaked figure standing in the middle of the road, only a few yards from his car. Matt slammed on the breaks and jerked his steering wheel to the left to avoid hitting the pedestrian, but he could not jerk the wheel back quickly enough and his car crashed through the side rail and down into the black abyss of the steep hillside below. The last thing he remembered before his eyes closed was the odor of the dust coming from the busted airbags. He awoke in a cool, dark room. The first thing he noticed was the elaborately decorated ceiling. The decorations shimmered and glowed, forming an image of the Earth and its moon, surrounded by thousands of sparkling stars. He got up from the plush bed he was lying on.

This is way too much action to fit into one small paragraph. You need to write more about what the accident looked and felt like from Matt's point of view, and add details that build up tension. You definitely need something to indicate a significant break in the story between passing out/dying and waking up again. (The character has just died and woken up in another world, yet you haven't even started a new paragraph...)

[Commonmind]

Hey Griffith, welcome to the chronicles. If you haven't had a chance to read the posting guidelines please do so at your earliest convenience. A submission this large isn't going to receive the attention it may deserve because of its size. For a worthwhile critique it's best to post short excerpts (I speak from experience). If you're looking for someone to critique the story itself (which is what I believe was your intention) post an outline or synopsis. You'll find everyone very helpful and willing to give good input if you follow the basic rules I linked to above.

[Griffith]

Originally Posted by silveroxide

Having read the first chapter, there's only one part that really sticks out at me as needing rewriting:


This is way too much action to fit into one small paragraph. You need to write more about what the accident looked and felt like from Matt's point of view, and add details that build up tension. You definitely need something to indicate a significant break in the story between passing out/dying and waking up again. (The character has just died and woken up in another world, yet you haven't even started a new paragraph...)

Thanks for the tips. I'll keep those things in mind in the future.

[Admiral Ryouhei]

totally sweet, perchance, is the heir to the throne thing a brother/sister marraige. just wondering, it seems quite common in anime-esque fantasy plots. and now that the main character is in the elf's brothers body, there always is a romantic twist, is this it?

oh, yeah, I agree with the below

[pyan]

What Commonmind said - short and sweet gets a better response.

[Griffith]

Originally Posted by Admiral Ryouhei

totally sweet, perchance, is the heir to the throne thing a brother/sister marraige. just wondering, it seems quite common in anime-esque fantasy plots. and now that the main character is in the elf's brothers body, there always is a romantic twist, is this it?

oh, yeah, I agree with the below

The females in the Sky Realm are the ones who do all of the administrative work. The men are the ones who do the jobs that require labor. So, her brother is a figure head prince, just like her father is a figure head king. They are only there to be seen, and to pleasure the females, which does entail an incestual relationship.

I was starting to think that no one really liked it. So, you would be interested in reading more chapters?

[Griffith]

Originally Posted by pyanfaruk

What Commonmind said - short and sweet gets a better response.

Sorry, this is the first time I've ever submitted my writting, so I'm not familiar with the proper ettiquette.

[Commonmind]

Originally Posted by Griffith

Sorry, this is the first time I've ever submitted my writting, so I'm not familiar with the proper ettiquette.

No harm no foul Griffith. Often times when joining a new forum I'm so overjoyed with introducing myself to the community, or sharing my own work that I normally forget to read the "PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING" thread (and no, that is not sarcasm, though it very well could be taken as such; I joined another not-to-be-named community site on the web, posted a long laborious reply to a thread I was participating in, only to find out I had broken about 19 of the 20 rules outlined in their proper etiquette thread. The post was modded, and I was publicly shamed)

[Griffith]

Originally Posted by Commonmind

No harm no foul Griffith. Often times when joining a new forum I'm so overjoyed with introducing myself to the community, or sharing my own work that I normally forget to read the "PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING" thread (and no, that is not sarcasm, though it very well could be taken as such; I joined another not-to-be-named community site on the web, posted a long laborious reply to a thread I was participating in, only to find out I had broken about 19 of the 20 rules outlined in their proper etiquette thread. The post was modded, and I was publicly shamed)

lol, sorry that happened to you. I'm also impatient with reading all of the rules. I like to get started posting right away.

[Admiral Ryouhei]

Same here, I'm not a rules-man, I don't think I've read the rules either, dunno, I could have, but my memory's so scetchy I can't remember all the forums and webcomics I go to 99.9% of the time, let alone what the rules are for each one.

I generally... well, plain-out, don't read the rules until I'm notified I've made an infraction.

================================================== =========

Originally Posted by Griffith

The females in the Sky Realm are the ones who do all of the administrative work. The men are the ones who do the jobs that require labor. So, her brother is a figure head prince, just like her father is a figure head king. They are only there to be seen, and to pleasure the females, which does entail an incestual relationship.

I was starting to think that no one really liked it. So, you would be interested in reading more chapters?

4|-| 54y \/\/007\/\/007 2 73|-| 1n(357!!!

yes, more chapters please

[Griffith]

Originally Posted by Admiral Ryouhei

4|-| 54y \/\/007\/\/007 2 73|-| 1n(357!!!

yes, more chapters please

Ok, I'll post the next chapter soon. What do all those numbers and symbols you posted mean?

[Commonmind]

Originally Posted by Admiral Ryouhei

Same here, I'm not a rules-man, I don't think I've read the rules either, dunno, I could have, but my memory's so scetchy I can't remember all the forums and webcomics I go to 99.9% of the time, let alone what the rules are for each one.

I generally... well, plain-out, don't read the rules until I'm notified I've made an infraction.

Well, normally I wouldn't be pretentious enough to remind someone that a rule had been broken. The difference is that here (specifically in the Critique sub-forum), that reminder is actually meant to help the individual, not merely to point out their folly so that everyone can point their finger and laugh. Some of the rules and posting guidelines for other forums can be general and really have no bearing on what you're posting, save warning against language and improper or immoral subject matter. Here, if you don't follow the rules and guidelines, its counter-productive and only hurts your chances at garnering a worthwhile critique (the very point of this forum).

With respect, I would rather not remodel Griffith's thread any further, so I'll end before I knock down any more walls.