Life Changing Events.......

[HoopyFrood]

I'm also the same, Chrystelia. I just like my own 'me' time. My friends used to get annoyed if I didn't go to places with them. Occasionally, I will go out, and enjoy it, but mostly I just like to be by myself for a while.

Where it gets to be...a problem, I suppose, is when I get into relationships. I don't like being in someone's company for long periods of time, because I need a bit of my own space now and again, and I certainly don't like people clinging onto me and restricting me. However, some boys seem to be the opposite. So it can often seem that I'm cold and unaffectionate because I don't see them all the time or spend lots of time with the, but I'm not, it's just that I need my own space. I suppose it can seem selfish, but that's just who I am. Also, as I'm still young, I really don't want anything serious and I find it hard to open up to people, and again that often makes me seem disinterested and uncaring. I suppose that'll be one of the life changing moments for me...when I find someone I'm comfortable with and finally open up a bit more.

Or maybe I won't...I don't mind, as I said, I just like being me with my own space.

[Lenny]

I wonder how many people on the forums are actually like that.

[j. d. worthington]

Originally Posted by Lenny

I wonder how many people on the forums are actually like that.

My estimation? A fair number, actually. Gregarious as I can be here, I tend to be a distinct loner in my day-to-day life. Not uncaring, but I do require considerably more "alone" time than the "average person" -- at least, that I've met.

Chrystelia: I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds a lot like me (and several others I've talked to on here), and I've not only my own input, but also the backing of a fair number of people from the mental health fields to say: it's perfectly healthy (as long as you do remain emotionally accessible -- that is, empathetic), just unusual, statistically speaking.

[Lenny]

I'd guess that the "average person" wouldn't read a lot, whether it be SFF or any other type of novel, or spend their days on internet forums, though.

There's 5 of us in this thread, out of 12 people who have replied. Not a bad number.

[Rane Longfox]

I think it's fair to say that a reasonable percentage of people who post regularly on forums lean more to the "loner" persuasion than otherwise... not always true, of course, but often.

[Stenevor]

Main life changing events for me were watching my Nana die, and getting divorced which in turn lead to me ditching most of my "friends"(makes me sound a bit heartless but for reasons I wont go into it had to be done). Im another "loner" by the way. Hoopyfrood and Chrystelias description could be me, I find most company exhausting after a while and have to get away.

[jackokent]

The time I spend on these forums is about the only time I am alone. I tend to be out with a crowd most of the time. I would probably say I am not a loner and even when I'm on the net there can some times be a crowd round just doing other things like playing guitars etc.

[Kitera]

Its funny how fast things change and it happened to me 2 years ago. We were a tight bunch of friends, always close and it seems like I’ve been spending too much time with one of my friends than my childhood friend. Then it began, both fuming and our group split into too. I didn’t really know what happen, but it’s probably the usual stuff, talking behind people’s back and etc. I was forced to choose and I did. Never been quite the same again, having repaired the rift with one and hurting the other in the process. And having realized…the world doesn’t revolve around me; or so the saying goes.

And just the isolation in the group is a terrible feeling especially if no one notices. Life is very complicated.

[mosaix]

Up until about thirty years ago I was very religious person. I attended church and intended that my children should be brought up as Christians. I had been brought up a Christian and, to be honest, didn't give it a second thought. I thought then that my consciousness was my soul, that part of me that would live on after my death. I had no problem reconciling evolution with my Christianity, I wasn't in any way a fundamentalist or a creationist.

Then, as part of a minor operation, I had a general anaesthetic. The first and only one that I have ever had.

It was a life changing experience. The removal of my consciousness was total and entirely unexpected. Not at all like some form of sleep as I had expected. The thought, that came to me a while later, that my consciousness could be removed by the removal of my ability to sense external stimuli - sound, light, touch, taste and smell - led me to the conclusion that what I regarded as 'me' was nothing more than the reactions of my brain to the outside world. If 'I' couldn't survive a general anaesthetic what chance did I have of surviving death?

I read a lot, thought a lot and became an atheist and have been ever since.

In closing I would like to say I don't want this thread to disintegrate into a religious discussion. I would like this thread to be about life changing experiences not about the rights and wrongs of them.

[HoopyFrood]

I'm not a completely loney, hermit type...I have many friends, who I love dearly. I mean, I'm at university, the most social place you could find! But I can only take so much social interaction. I have to have plenty of 'me' time afterwards. And it's also more about I'm not always willing to share how I feel and the like. But I think it's also because I was brought up in a family that never really spoke about their feelings, or expressed extreme emotion.

[Chrystelia]

Well I had a hard time in university, hardly a day to myself, having a roomate and all that. It was some of the happiest time of my life with incredible friends but I felt suffocated with the constant company. Usually during the 3 months break I would "disappear" for a month or so, ignoring Emails and phone calls. My friends would say I'd gone into the cave

[Rane Longfox]

Originally Posted by mosaix

Then, as part of a minor operation, I had a general anaesthetic. The first and only one that I have ever had.

It was a life changing experience. The removal of my consciousness was total and entirely unexpected. Not at all like some form of sleep as I had expected. The thought, that came to me a while later, that my consciousness could be removed by the removal of my ability to sense external stimuli - sound, light, touch, taste and smell - led me to the conclusion that what I regarded as 'me' was nothing more than the reactions of my brain to the outside world. If 'I' couldn't survive a general anaesthetic what chance did I have of surviving death.

Really? Thats quite interesting. When I had a general anaesthetic (or however it's spelt), it was exactly like drifting off the sleep. Different for everyone, I suppose.

[Harpo]

Another life-changer for me was realising that you don't have to be "talented" to be creative. Since then I have played maybe 150 live concerts (solo and in various bands) and appeared on a handful of LPs & CDs, but I can't play at all.

(no, really!)

[Nesacat]

The positive experience would be leavinh home and going abroad to first study and then work. Before that, I do had tried to fit in by being a chameleon and while it did gain me 'friends' it also made me feel quite lost and isolated. Having to make a home and a life for myself halfway across the world was a very good thing indeed. I settled down to being a often reclusive bookaholic with a penchant for talking long walks in graveyards. It helped me settle into my skin and feel comfortable as myself.

The other experience which is pretty mixed is getting married and then divorced. It was a couple of years with more downs and outs and I understood about weight being liften from shoulders when I got the courage to file for divorce. I don't regret the marriage for what I learnt. Maybe lessons don't need to come so hard but maybe that's the only way to learn them. I know that I would definitely marry again if I do find the right person.

[Frau Kaktus]

Studying abroad for half a year brought out the extrovert in me.

I can relate to what people say about needing your own space, though. I generally like being around other people, but I start feeling really drained when I don't have any moment for myself for prolonged periods of time.