Found in US High School Essays

[dwndrgn]

They may not be truly from said essays but they are an interesting read at the least! (I debated putting this in the humor forum but it has some relevance here - at least it shows what not to do as an aspiring writer )

Found in High School Essays.
> 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
> gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
> 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
> underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
> 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
> guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
> those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
> speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
> without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
> 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
> room-temperature Canadian beef.
> 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
> just before it throws up.
> 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
> 7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
> 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
> because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
> at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
> 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
> bowling ball wouldn't.
> 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
> filled with vegetable soup.
> 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
> surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
> Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
> 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
> 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
> fry them in hot grease.
> 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
> the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
> left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
> at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
> 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
> that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
> 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
> also never met.
> 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the
> East River.
> 18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap,
> only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
> 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
> 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
> this plan just might work.
> 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
> eating for a while.
> 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
> but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land
> mine or something.
> 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
> behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
> 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
> power tools.
> 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as
> if she were a garbage truck backing up.
> 26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in
> any pH cleanser.
> 27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
> 28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it
> to the wall.

[scalem X]

Damn these are funny, it tempting not to write a whole essay full of these.

[aftermath]

Oh my god that would be funny. I just read those off for my class... very very amsuing.

[Spirit_Caller]

There is hope then for our Year 6's!!! Made me chuckle.

[EvilDiesel]

Lovely - some like 4 & 17 could be highly usable, but trying to use 3 in a para could bring your writing to a sudden stop

[Maryjane]

hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup

That sounds familiar like been there done that except the hefty bag contained a stincky brown substance, thrown at cars in drive ways. I was a mite mischivious when I was a kid, and I never played in the girls soft ball leage either.

[Princess Ivy]

the problem is that they ARE so descriptive. and make twisted sense all on their own.

[Circus Cranium]

Sad thing is, I've read worse in the writings of people FAR older than high school age.

[Leto]

I just love the 4, 14 and 17.
Very expressive.