The Outrider Chronicles

[Hawkshaw_245]

A basic outline for a SF story/novella I'm working on.

In 2298 AD...Mankind has scattered through the universe. Laius, an earth-like world is part of loose coalition of human planets who have joined in mutual defense against a common foe, the Khallisari.

'Outrider' is the name of the frontier outposts that lay on the edges of human space.

Once, a generation earlier, the Khallisari had ruled a great empire. Insurrections and civil strife. however, broke it into squabbling factions. When the new Khallisari states weren't quarreling over resources, land, or ancient blood feuds, they were practicing slavery and piracy.

Together, the Khallisari could easily crush their human neighbors. Their disunity has been the only thing that gives the weaker Coalition worlds hope.

Enter Marco Vanic, captain of the Laian cruiser, Artemis. For the past 20 years, Vanic served the Fleet, and for a time, was the second-in-command, under Capitan Marius. A decorated and revered officer, Marius was a grumpy, charming, hell-raising officer who was rapidly becoming a legend in his own time. Think of a cross between Wiford Brimley and George C. Scott.
AS quick with a tirade as he was with a dirty joke, Marius was grandfatherly figure to many junior officers.

However, Marius' hands were filthy from various rackets in which he had entangled himself. Vanic, the Executive Officer (XO) confronts his captain about the 'questionable' business dealings, but to no avail. Things spiral out of control. With rumors of corruption and espionage surrounding the captain, the Security Chief, Pennington decides that Marius must be relieved of command.

A mutiny is in the making. Despite all of Vanic's attempts to stave off disaster, the fecal matter hits the ventilation fan. Within days, Vanic finds himself standing in a cell in the brig. The bloodied bodies of the Captain and Chief lay on the floor. All eyes turn suspiciously to Vanic, the new acting captain.

A full-blown investigation ensues. With no solid evidence of complicity in the 'incident', Vanic slips the judicial noose and is promoted to Captain, and the new commanding officer (CO) of the Artemis.

There's no time for celebration. Vanic, eyed with suspicion by many in the Fleet, is reassigned to a remote mining post. At the Pelion Nebula, the Artemis will baby-sit a mining operation, and ward off the occasional threat from pirates. It's a dirty, undignified job, but suitable for an officer suspected of murdering his captain. Pelion will serve as a suitable exile until the heat dies down.

Pelion is a cloud of dust and debris. At its center is a brown dwarf star. Asteroids encircle the dwarf, and provide a treasure trove of mineral wealth.

Though it would never be publicly admitted, Laius has stretched its resources to the limit, trying to shore up its border defenses against a potential Khallisari attack. Much of its fleet is either patrolling the borders, or deployed in remote areas like Pelion, guarding mining outposts and supply convoys.

Even the hawks reluctantly admit that Laius, and the rest of the Coalition, are not ready for war.

So reluctantly, but obediently, Vanic stands the watch while miners drill and blast and dig through uncounted millions of tons of rock, and survey ships probe the murky darkness of the Nebula.

Vanic was barely out of the honeymoon phase of his marriage when he became Marius' XO. Plans for early retirement were put on hold in the hope that he would make captain. With the bigger pay grade, came the bigger retirement package. CAPTAIN VANIC could muster out and start a new life as a civilian in a defense contracting firm. And then, a brood of children, a big house, a dog named Spot....a different life, a better life.

But swimming in a sea of suspicion, and stationed in the armpit of the galaxy, for only the Gods know how long, and with war clouds looming on the horizon...it just didn't look rosy for domestic life.

But then a discovery is made. While rooting out a nest of pirates that had halted the mining operation, it's revealed that the Khallisari are constructing a massive base on the far side of the Nebula. If it were completed, it would give the Khallies a strong foothold in the Coalition's back yard. If they chose, the Khallies could launch a massive strike against against the weakest point in the Coalition's defenses.

So Vanic, again, is in the cross-hairs. There is no way that such a facility can be allowed to be built. But if it were destroyed by Laians, the consequences could be grave.

Will he avert disaster by wiping out the base? Or will he unite the Khallisari by launching a Pearl Harbor-type attack on one of their facilities? Will he save the day, or spark a war his people cannot win?

Comment, question, criticise, and most of all, enjoy.

[chrispenycate]

Very much a precis I'm not sure that doing a full punctuation raid on it is useful (besides, apart from a full stop instead of a comma in

Insurrections and civil strife. however, broke it into squabbling factions.

and one or two similar, the punctuation seems good) Tenses are a little less certain. In the above example I'd use the pluperfect, since the next sentence is more immediate past (and I don't see why "quarreling over resources, land, or ancient blood feuds" would distract them from the slavery [though it might from the piratry])
Ranks are not clear (though how they could be made clear in such a condensed explanation, I'm not sure) In the army, captain is a fairly junior rank; in the navy, more a function than a rank. Still, a fleet commander could be an admiral; unfortunately I'm not sufficiently up in military matters to know whether the "second in command" would be the flag captain of his ship or the senior commodore of the squadron, but this is easy to find out. If, on the other hand, you're going to work out your own system of ranking, separate from the traditional ones, it should probably be left out of the outline, as more confusing than helpful.

[Hawkshaw_245]

Slavery did not distract them from quarreling. It's just another example of their anti-social behavior.

'Captain', in my universe. is analogous to that of US Naval rank of Captain. It refers both to rank AND the commanding officer of a ship. Vanic was a Commander before getting promoted to full captain. In the interim, after Marius died, he assumed the role of 'captain' because he was the next in rank.

Next rank above Captain is Rear Admiral or Vice-Admiral, depending on which navy you're using as a guide. And admirals do command fleets. But Vanic is not commanding an entire fleet. Only a small task force.

The Navy I've constructed has SIMILAR ranks to those used in today's military, but not exact. I've made alterations to fit the setting.

In the British and American Navies, there was once a rank of 'Commodore'.

com·mo·dore (kŏm'ə-dôr', -dōr')
n.

1. 1. (Abbr. Com.) A commissioned rank formerly used in the U.S. Navy that was above captain and below rear admiral. Abolished in 1899, it was restored temporarily during World War II.
   2. One who holds this rank.
2. Used as an unofficial designation for a captain in the British Navy temporarily in command of a fleet division or squadron.
3. 1. The senior captain of a naval squadron or merchant fleet.
   2. The presiding officer of a yacht club.

I've created the title 'Force Commander' which is comparable. But it is a war-time rank. If war erupted, then Vanic may be promoted to that.

[Hawkshaw_245]

Vanic has personal demons to wrestle with, as well.

His marriage is being strained by the long separations. Annabel, the wife, wants to rent a suite on the nearest Outrider station so she can be closer to him when he's in port. The last thing he wants, however, is for her to be closer to the war zone. They are leading separate lives, in essence. Each has a career, and all the tribulations and pressures therein.

The problem is, he can't share much of what he knows with her. The mutiny, the troubling reports about Khallie activities...it is all very sensitive material, and he fears it would trouble her too much.

[Hawkshaw_245]

Some added notes...
There is some disapproval of Vanic's rise to command. Marius commanded Artemis, his own ship, plus two other cruisers which form a squadron. When Vanic assumes Marius' command, he is ultimately given command of the entire squadron. He winds up bypassing the other captains within the squadron.

This ruffles feathers.

[Daniel Hetberg]

I'm not quite sure why the discovery of the alien(?) base in the humans' backyard puts pressure on the protagonist. All he has to do is send a radio message to command high up and wait for orders. Or would that be impossible due to funky physics?

[iansales]

What is it about your novel that makes it science fiction? From the blurb above, it could just as easily be set during WWII, with the Japanese instead of the Khallisari. You need some sfnal idea at its core, not just sf furniture.

[Hawkshaw_245]

Originally Posted by Daniel Hetberg

I'm not quite sure why the discovery of the alien(?) base in the humans' backyard puts pressure on the protagonist. All he has to do is send a radio message to command high up and wait for orders. Or would that be impossible due to funky physics?

Physics will allow Fleet Command to be notified. The issue is less about the 'ticking bomb' scenario, and more about the 'grab the tiger by the tail' scenario.

The humans are not ready for war. So the discovery of the new base raises the stakes. If they strike first, they might ignite a conflict they can't win. If they don't, then the Khallisari might use the base to launch their own strike.

I've reasoned that it may take too long for a large fleet to arrive and take out the base. So the protagonist, Vanic, may have to shoulder the burden with his own meager forces.

Originally Posted by iansales

What is it about your novel that makes it science fiction? From the blurb above, it could just as easily be set during WWII, with the Japanese instead of the Khallisari. You need some sfnal idea at its core, not just sf furniture.

sfnal? You lost me. What's 'sfnal'?

Indeed, I am writing a war story analogous to WWII or other past conflicts. I'm not trying to reinvent the literary well with this. Rather, I'm setting the stage for a series of stories surrounding the men and women involved in the Khallisari War.

I originally thought of using a superweapon, instead of a hidden base. But that was such a cliche, I shelved it.

[iansales]

sfnal = science-fictional.

Writing a story "analogous to WWII" but in a science fiction setting is fine. But you still need something science-fictional about it beyond just the furniture. Otherwise, why even bother to make it sf?

[Hawkshaw_245]

Originally Posted by iansales

sfnal = science-fictional.

Writing a story "analogous to WWII" but in a science fiction setting is fine. But you still need something science-fictional about it beyond just the furniture. Otherwise, why even bother to make it sf?

What do you suggest?

It's set in the future, using tech way beyond our own, dealing with ETs from different parts of the galaxy, som hostile, some not so much.

If you're lookng for some off-the-wall concept that no one's thought of, I can't help you.

Using your logic, as I understand it, then why bother making Star Trek, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, or any other SF series?

But perhaps, I missed your point.

[iansales]

Originally Posted by Hawkshaw_245

Using your logic, as I understand it, then why bother making Star Trek, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, or any other SF series?

For some of the episodes in those series, there was no point at all :-)

Have you ever come across the term "skiffy"? It refers to a science fiction story in which you can swap everything with, say, a western, and the story itself doesn't change. The term "space opera" was originslly coined to describe that type of story (happily, the meaning of "space opera" has changed considerably).

This shouldn't prevent you from writing sf that is analogous to some other genre or an historical event... but you still need that central science-fictional conceit. For example, perhaps the type of FTL used in your novel causes ships to arrive chronologically some hours before their departure. Causality is not affected because they are hugely separated. But that concept gives you something to play with, and allows you set up a situation in your novel that could only happen in the universe of your novel. If you changed the spaceships to destroyers, the area of space to the Pacific, and the ETs to Japanese... it wouldn't work. They didn't have time travel in WWII (well, unless you believe in the Philadelphia Experiment :-)).

[Culhwch]

I have to admit to siding with Hawkshaw on this one. What matter if there is a 'science-fictional conceit' or if there's just sf 'furniture'? If this is the story that the author concieved, developed, and above all wants to tell, then bowing to some preconcieved notion about what a science fiction story should and shouldn't contain is just ludicrous. As I see it, such a forced concession is most likely to be damaging to the end result. If the square block don't fit in the circular hole, then there ain't no amount of pushing that's gonna make it... In my book, if the story is set in space and concerns aliens, well, what do you know, I think that might be science fiction. Sure, it mightn't be hard sf, or serious sf, or whatever other 'literary' categories there are, but that doesn't exclude it in any way from being entertaining, engaging, moving, or thought-provoking.

I'm not too proud to admit that I'll take space opera over hard sf any day...

[iansales]

Originally Posted by Culhwch

...bowing to some preconcieved notion about what a science fiction story should and shouldn't contain is just ludicrous.

Perhaps you should try telling this to editors. They won't buy a WWII-in-space story or novel. They'll be looking for the sfnal conceit that distinguishes the story. (Plus all the other stuff as well, of course: well-written prose, good characterisation, originality, a good story...) If Hawkshaw is not taking writing seriously, then why post the novel here and ask for critiques?

[Hawkshaw_245]

Well, there are different approaches to story-telling, especially with SF/Fantasy.

Let's consider the two basic approaches.

1)fanciful stories about far and away places, improbable beings, and they simply drop humans into the mix.

2) HUMAN stories about believable characters, put into fanciful settings.

I go with the second choice. I tell human stories, and place them in exotic times and places.

All the gimmicks and "OMG! That's so Incredible and Original!" stories have been told.

I'm too thick-skinned for anyone to faze me with unfavorable critiques. That's why I freely share ideas with others. So, you need not ask me why I'm here, because you think I'm afraid of criticism. You won't live long enough to hurt MY feelings.

But what is marketable? 'Star Wars' wasn't an immediate sell.

"Farm Boy Saves the Galaxy"...What kind of nut job would peddle that to a mass audience?

Good stories always sell to SOMEBODY, SOMEWHERE...

Dune, 1984, Naked Lunch, 2001: a Space Odyssey...These are some of the strangest, most indescribable novels and films ever made. Yet they're considered classics in their own way.

So what makes a viable SF story? Cute and cuddly aliens adopted by schoolboys? Dinosaurs resurrected from extinction by geneticists? Supercomputers gone mad? It's all been done before.

[iansales]

Originally Posted by Hawkshaw_245

Let's consider the two basic approaches.

1)fanciful stories about far and away places, improbable beings, and they simply drop humans into the mix.

2) HUMAN stories about believable characters, put into fanciful settings.

I go with the second choice. I tell human stories, and place them in exotic times and places.

You just made this up. It's completely meaningless. There are between 3 and 36 basic plots, depending on which authority you choose to follow. There are 5 main choices of narrative voice -- omniscient, third person loosely-coupled, third person tightly-coupled, first person, and the infrequently-done second person. There are an uncountable number of stylistic choices you can make when writing a story. In all cases, characters should be plausible, situations should be plausible, and settings should be plausible. That's what suspension of disbelief is all about.

Originally Posted by Hawkshaw_245

All the gimmicks and "OMG! That's so Incredible and Original!" stories have been told.

How do you know this?

Originally Posted by Hawkshaw_245

I'm too thick-skinned for anyone to faze me with unfavorable critiques. That's why I freely share ideas with others. So, you need not ask me why I'm here, because you think I'm afraid of criticism. You won't live long enough to hurt MY feelings.

I haven't criticised you or the piece you posted. I merely asked a question.

Originally Posted by Hawkshaw_245

Good stories always sell to SOMEBODY, SOMEWHERE...

Er, no. That's why there's a slush pile. That's why lulu.com exists. A huge number of manuscripts never make it into print. Some of them are good.

Originally Posted by Hawkshaw_245

Dune, 1984, Naked Lunch, 2001: a Space Odyssey...These are some of the strangest, most indescribable novels and films ever made. Yet they're considered classics in their own way.

They're not indescribable. They're classics, yes. Although that label applies more to the book than the film. With the exception of 2001, that is. But then the novel 2001 was based on the script for the film.