Guardian Legacy

[Cuine]

Guardian Legacy – Part 4 – Return of Heroes

Prologue – The New King

“No, please Lord Guardian,” said Satan du Mekutha. Guardian Light, leader of the rebellion against his reign and the legendary Guardians, keepers of the peace in Khuhuxan, had entered the throne room of the castle in the capital city of Niger Riki, the Black Kingdom. Satan du Kraakshaan, ruler of Khuhuxan, was at the mercy of Guardian Light’s and his own sword, Avohkii Blan Kifr and Kifr Fjorlag. “Spare me. I am weak and old. So old. Tales of my powers have been terribly exaggerated and I have weakened greatly these past millennia of my reign. Please spare me, in fact, join me. Our goals are not different. We both are trying to keep the peace, but you rebels have destroyed it with your war. People do not care who is on the throne, they just want peace. I was young and made a huge mistake when I wiped out the Guardians. I made a mistake and sought revenge for what I was exiled for. Please spare me and join me. Together, we may rule Khuhuxan in peace. That is all I ask. Kill me if you wish.”

Guardian Light pondered his words for a long while, and finally, lowered the crossed swords at Satan’s neck. “I will join you,” Guardian Light said. “Just tell me what I need to do, master.” Guardian Light knelt and bowed his head in respect and fealty as his new master rose.

Master, thought Satan, I could get used to this. “You are sure then. Doing so, you will not be able to go back. Now, allow me to place my hand on your forehead and lower the barriers around your mind and conciseness.” Guardian Light did so, and immediately, the pair began to glow and fade. The next thing the young Guardian felt was pain. There was a war of three minds: Satan, the demon lord; Guardian Mekutha, the Misunderstood and former shadow king; and the young and confused Guardian Light, whose mind was immediately overwhelmed by Satan. Then to Mekutha and Guardian Light, there was nothing, no feeling, no thought. Just pure nothingness.

A new figure rose, and bellowed, “I am Satan du Fjorlag Avohkii, the absolute ruler of Khuhuxan!” The new Satan had a set of iron colored wings; the mask of Guardian Light with demon’s horns, Kifr Fjorlag was sheathed at his waist. His new armor was steel, silver, and goldenrod colored. He stood seven feet tall.

With a mighty beat of his wings, he rushed into the sky through an oversized window, raised Kifr Fjorlag, and shot an eternal shadow over the Black Kingdom, reciting the words in the power tongue, “Let my Eternal Shadow rule over the now black kingdom of Khuhuxan!” An amethyst and black colored shadow appeared over Khuhuxan, spreading out from Satan du Demn Avohkii’s sword. The shadow of Satan would rise again, after ten millennia of waiting; he would raise rule his land once again.

Thousands of miles away, at that very moment, a child by the name of Cuine Havinson was born, who would one day, rise up to lead the bringers of hope against the never ending shadow of Satan du Demn Avohkii and Guardian Light and Guardian Mekutha, the Great Betrayers.


Hope of the Shadow

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Cuine said as she embraced her best friend, Nyra Davinroy. Nyra was all red in the face, a result of her being a blonde. Cuine’s back was soaked in sweat in the late Khuhuxan afternoon sun.

“See you!” replied Nyra as she ran home.

Cuine smiled, she turned to walk in the door to her house-cabin. Inside were two bedrooms, one for Cuine’s parents, Yonol and Henna Havinson, and one for her sister and Cuine. Cuine’s sister, Gianna, was eight years old, and to Cuine she was the most annoying thing in the world. Cuine walked to her room, which had a bunk bed in it, and several bookshelves, as she loved to read. Cuine collapsed on the bed and closed her eyes for a few moments but, all of a sudden, the room darkened.

A shadow was cast. Cuine opened her eyes and stared out the window in wonder. All of a sudden, a bolt of amethyst lightning struck Cuine and she blacked out and vanished into thin air. Next thing she knew, she was in the throne room of the feared and hated ruler of Khuhuxan, Satan du Demn Avohkii. Cuine looked up and gasped in fear, while hatred boiled up inside her. What could he possibly want from me? thought Cuine. I come from a family of leatherworkers, which isn’t nearly grand enough for an audience with Him. She remembered all the cruel tales the Sage of Bloodhren had told the village, from the fall of the original Guardian League, to his reign of terror ever since the death of the elemental lords of old.

“Hello, young one,” rumbled the king. “I’m sure you know who I am, but I don’t care. My name is Edin Elda Satan du Demn Avohkii, which means, Master Lord Satan, Death of the Light. You are Cuine of Bloodhren, and will now serve me. Not as a human, but as a Guardian.” Cuine gasped at the last four words. He continued, “Now, are you ready?”

Cuine stuttered, out of fear and shock, “I-I guess I am, my Lord.”

“Good! Now, come with me.” Satan stiffly rose from his throne and gestured toward a side door made from blackened mahogany. He led Cuine though it, and inside, strapped down to a table of stone, was a shell, or uninhabited body, of a Guardian. Not just any Guardian, however. A Light Guardian. “You are to be first of the new Guardian Order to serve me. Now, touch the mask of your destiny.” Cuine attempted to touch the mask on the shell, but her hand burned in agony. She turned it over and there was a mark shaped just like the Guardian’s mask. Despite the pain, she continued to reach for it and finally touch it. And then, Cuine and the shell began to glow. Cuine Havinson of Bloodhren faded, as the new Guardian shell awoke.

“Ugghhh, what happened?” said the new Guardian. The new Guardian had a mask similar to Satan’s, but it was bright gold, instead of goldenrod, and it had no demon’s horns. The Guardian had a pure silver body.

“Well done, my young Guardian Cuine!” boomed Satan. “Now, say the following: ‘On mine divine sacred will, I do swear that I will obey my new master, Dominus Domino Satan du Demn Avohkii, and that I will forever serve as his humble servant. This I swear on my honor, my soul, my blood.’”

Guardian Cuine pondered this for a moment. “Never,” she said, “never will I serve scum like you. I have heard too many tales of your cruelty ad lust for power and evil. Never will I willingly serve you. I have always hated you, so has the city of Bloodhren and all of Khuhuxan that hasn’t succumbed to your cruelty and evil. You are a tyrant, you force others to do what you wish out of fear and suffering, and if they do not obey, you kill them, torture them, or turn them into your slave.”

Satan was shocked. “Fine, if you will not obey, you will die.”

He began to summon his power as a tall hooded figure, clad in brown robes rushed in, and with a gloved hand raised a staff and yelled, “Stop traitor!” He began to chant: “Amitto Geyma Cuine eta mehi yun Geyma Haven!” Cuine felt a lifting sensation as an orb of golden light surrounded her and the figure as they vanished.

Cuine fell hard on a stone floor. She looked around. “Wh-where am I? Who-who are you?” Cuine stuttered as she struggled to rise.

“Welcome to the Guardian Haven young one,” said the hooded figure, the same one who had rescued her from certain death. “I am Guardian Sage, also better known as the Sage of Bloodhren.” He removed his cloak and his eyes glowed a deep gold before reverting to their original deep blue. He raised a mighty sword above his head and chanted “Gera Geyma!” He turned into a Guardian, with a white and silver body, and gold armor and mask.

Cuine gasped. No wonder he knew so much about Guardians and their lore, thought Cuine. He is a Guardian. “But why did Satan decide to make me a Guardian? I mean, of all the people in Khuhuxan, wouldn’t there be someone better suited than me?”

Sage sighed. “Well,” he said, “there are four other candidates, but you are the one who will lead those four others. You were chosen because of your bloodline. You are Cuine Havinson, direct descendant of Cuine Havinson the Trifeld, the creator of Khuhuxan, the first ruler of Khuhuxan, and first Guardian. Now, the others. Their names should be familiar to you: Nyra Davinroy; Hasan and Lorem Gantz; and Alison Vander.”

Cuine gasped again. “My best friends,” she stammered. “The-they’re gonna be Guardians just like me.”

“Yes,” said Sage, “they will. You and them will become Guardians because not only is it your destiny, it is in your blood, your genes. There is an ancient enchantment on the land, created after the Rise of Avohkii, to carefully select who would become Guardians, the Guardian Gene Enchantment, or Geyma Attartala Seior. It places a special gene in certain people, more so in certain families than others. If the combinations are just right, the person with that combination will have the powers of a Guardian in them, dormant until the time is right. You have always had your power locked away inside of you, as have your friends, and your time has come. Now your training must commence if we, the Guardians, will destroy the shadow of Satan, once and for all.”

“Before my training though,” said Cuine, pondering all she heard for a moment. “I would like to find my friends and make them Guardians first. I do not wish to be the only young Guardian in this world.”

“Fine, we can do that. But first, we must create shells for them. Come with me.” Sage led Cuine through the Guardian Haven, which was much larger than she expected. It had everything from an enormous library, to training arenas, to a forge.

When they finally stopped, Cuine’s feet were burning from all the walking. Sage pushed a sliding panel and showed Cuine a room with six stone slabs in the middle with gold leather shackles on them. Around the room were molds shaped like Guardian body parts, masks, actual body parts, just a few of the things among the heaps of treasures in the room. “Now, your friends are destined to become one Guardian of every element besides shadow. We need four shells, or uninhabited Guardian bodies, each aligned to one of the original elementals that were destroyed by Satan; water, earth, fire, and air.”

Over the next two months, Cuine and Sage labored to create the shells. It was strenuous work. First, the colors of the shells and designs of the masks had to be chosen. Then they had to be forged by Sage from pureemun, an organic material made from plants and various minerals, as Cuine assembled them. Finally, the sacred divine ichors, the blood of a Guardian, had to be created. This was the most important step, as the tiniest mistake could kill the Guardian in the body, or worse, cripple them or even kill the maker.

Finally, one day, when the bodies were finished, Sage spoke to Cuine. “Now, it is time to find those who will fill the shells. We shall go to Bloodhren in secret, as humans. One day however, you will loose your human half Cuine, so be on guard, for when that day comes, you will forever be a Guardian.” Sage then donned a hooded robe and raised his staff above his head, chanting, “Geyma Cuine, mutatio re homo voxtr!” Cuine once again, found herself a twelve-year old girl wearing the same clothes that she had been wearing when she had been teleported away to Satan’s castle two months ago, with her dirty blonde hair a mess, her tan skin rippling with muscle. Sage, too, albeit wordlessly, became human as well. Sage, as a human, was old, very old, with a short white beard and mustache, and white hair around his ears. “Amitto Geyma Cuine eta mehi yun Bloodhren!” yelled Sage. Sage and Cuine vanished in a flash of gold light.

Please help me with this. I have a weakness in character development. Thank you.

[Cuine]

Finding Their Destinies

Cuine and Sage reappeared in Sage’s one room cabin. It was furnished for a simpler life, one of great intellectual pursuit. There were three chairs in the center, on a smoothed out woven rug. On one wall lay a multitude of cubby holes and shelves that contained various ornaments, clay tiles with strange runes set into them, and yew bark pieces with similar writings in black and silvery ink. A great number of yellowing, faded scrolls also dotted the holes. On the wall opposite the shelves was a clay and stone fireplace with a pot hanging from the crossbar. Above the fireplace, were shelves filled with cooking and eating utensils, shaped from bone and pureemun. Around the fireplace on both sides was a massive pantry. On the wall to the right, was a single pane window with a cot woven from grasses and wool blankets. The opposite wall had a door leading outside. Sage said, “Come, we must not delay. Every moment we do, the Shadow of Satan grows stronger!” He searched the shelves until he found a bowl carved with odd looking pictures and symbols.

“I shall scry them, and see where they are,” said Sage. He muttered a few inaudible words, and inside the bowl, a picture appeared. Sure enough, there was Nyra, sitting on her bed, reading. That picture faded, and then appeared Hasan and Lorem, weeding the fields. And last, was Alison Vander, hunting in the forest to the north. Sage replaced the scrying bowl on the shelf. “So we know where to find them. Come, we must not delay!” Sage walked out the door, Cuine following at his heels.

They first traveled to the market, where Cuine showed Sage the way to Nyra’s house. It was located a few blocks off the main road, near the market. The door to the log cabin was unlocked, so Sage proceeded directly in. The door to Nyra’s room was closed, so Cuine knocked. The door opened a crack. “Cuine? Is that really you?”

“Yes Nyra, it’s me,” Cuine replied.

The door burst open. “Cuine!” exclaimed Nyra, embracing her best friend. “I haven’t seen you in ages. You just vanished after I saw you, like two months ago.”

“It’s a long story, but now, you must come with the Sage and me.”

Nyra released the embrace. “Okay, whatever you say.”

“Hello young one,” said Sage as Nyra and Cuine headed out the door. “You know who I am, and I know who you are. Come, we must find the twins.”

“Wait, the twins?” said Nyra. “As in Hasan and Lorem? What is going on?”

“Listen Nyra, can you just wait?” said Cuine. “The Sage will explain everything, but we have to find the twins and Alison Vander first. Just promise us you’ll hold your questions until later?”

“Alright, fine,” replied Nyra, “but this better be worth it.”

The two girls followed Sage out the door towards the fields outside town. Again Cuine showed Sage and Nyra the way to the Gantz’s farm. Cuine was very nervous about the whole ordeal, being a Guardian and all, and being deceptive about it. She feared that if any of the four others found out before her and Sage revealed them, she would loose their trust, and all hope would be lost. Cuine brushed that thought aside, and didn’t think another negative thought until later.

When the three arrived at the twins’ house, they hopped the fence and traveled into the field, and exactly where Sage had scryed them, there were Hasan and Lorem Gantz, fighting as usual. But they’re twins, who can blame them? thought Cuine. Cuine walked right up to then and got in between them like she always did, pushing them apart when they were locked at the shoulders, which earned her the nickname, “The Peacemaker.” Nyra and Sage merely stared in disbelief. “Now that you two aren’t busy,” said Cuine, “how’s about you come for, say, a walk with us?”

“Whatever,” said Hasan.

“Yeah, sure,” said Lorem.

“Excellent!” said Sage. “Now, we just need to find Alison. Where did you say she was Cuine?”

“Hunting,” Cuine replied.

“To the forests, then we go,” replied Sage. Again Cuine led the way back through town, and north into the Rime Forests. The forest was filled with trees and shrubs. Lots of shrubs. The undergrowth was very dense and thorny; it cut through the Nyra’s legs, who Cuine knew Sage would heal. The group found Alison, or Ali, as her friends called her, skinning a deer. Ali had to hunt for her parents as they were disabled with psychosis.

“Ali, how are you?” Cuine asked.

Ali turned around suddenly, her long blonde hair whipping the air. “Cuine! I haven’t seen you in months! Where have you been?” she replied.

“Wait a few minutes, and I will tell everyone.” said Cuine. “Sage, it is time.”

Sage raised his staff, and chanted in the common tongue, “Teleport away Guardian Cuine, these four girls, and me to the Guardian Haven!” The group vanished in an orb of light, a second later to be standing where Cuine had first come to the Guardian Haven.

Nyra was the first to blurt, “Where are we? Cuine, Lord Sage, please explain this. Now.”

Hasan and Lorem just stared about in wonder. Ali went dumbstruck, with her eyes lolling about the room.

Sage began to speak, “Listen now young ones, for your lives are all about to change forever. You all have something in common no one else has. The Guardian Gene or the ability to become Guardians of the peace in Khuhuxan. Cuine and I have something to show you first. Ready Cuine?” Together they chanted “Gera Geyma!” The pair instantly, in a column of light, became Guardians. The assembled girls gasped.

“Wow, Cuine why didn’t you tell us sooner, like a few months ago?” said Nyra.

“That doesn’t concern you Nyra.” said Sage rather sternly. “Now, you four will become Guardians, like me and Cuine. Follow me, and choose your shell, your new body. That will determine who you will be for as long as you live. Now come.”

The four girls and Cuine followed Sage in silence. When they reached the room with the four stone slabs and the Guardian shells, the girls stared around in awe. Sage and Cuine had cleaned the room so it was empty except for the stone tables with the Guardian shells. One copper and bronze, one sapphire-blue and silver, one emerald-green and yellow, and one orange and ruby-red. “Now, choose a shell, and let yourself become one with it. But first, examine the mark on your hand. It will tell you which shell to choose.”

The four girls examined their hands. There was no mark. “But, there is no mark on my hand!” exclaimed Hasan.

“Same here,” added the other girls.

“Walk towards the shells. They will reveal it.” said Cuine.

The girls obeyed, and sure enough, they each grasped their hand in agony as the mark was slowly revealed. Nyra’s was in the shape of a very curled H. Hasan’s, Lorem’s, and Ali’s were all shaped with the mark of Satan, a trifeld with demon’s horns, the mark of evil. Cuine and Sage both knew what that symbol meant, while the other four were clueless. Nyra selected the bronze shell, Hasan the ruby-red, Lorem the sapphire-blue, and Ali the emerald-green.

They simultaneously touched the masks of the shells they had chosen, and a blinding light filled the room as the four girls vanished and the new Guardians struggled to rise. Sage pulled out a golden sword, which was engraved with some strange runes that oddly, Cuine understood the meaning of. Sage laid the sword upon Nyra’s brow, who was on the end. “You, Nyra Davinroy, shall now be known as Guardian Nyra Davinroy.” Sage moved on to Hasan. “Hasan Gantz, you are now Guardian Hasan Gantz.” He did the same for Lorem and Ali, naming them Guardian Lorem Gantz and Guardian Ali Vander respectively. “Now, that you have your new identities, you will address each other by your new names. Now, for one final matter, your oath. This is not to force you to serve until the day you die, but as a matter of safety. If Satan ever captures you, he will likely want you to take an oath of loyalty to him. Now, recite the following, even you Cuine: ‘On mine divine sacred will, I do swear to always serve the Guardians of Khuhuxan, until the day I die, or a Dominus Guardian releases me. This I swear on my honor, my soul, my blood.’”

Cuine and Nyra did so without hesitation, but Hasan and Ali did not even make a move to do so.

“Never,” spat Hasan, “never will I go against my family. We Gantz’s and Vander’s have always been loyal to Lord Satan, and we will never turn against him.”

“Yes,” said Ali, “never will I, or any in my family become ones of light. Vander is Dwarfish for ‘dark one’, so I will follow my destiny, and assist my Lord in eradicating the Havinson’s and Davinroy’s once and for all.”

“Lorem, aren’t you coming?” said Hasan.

“Never Hasan,” said Lorem, “never will I serve the Dark One who calls himself Satan. I, like Cuine and Nyra, will take the oath.” Lorem recited the oath, and said, “Goodbye my sister, but remember, if you do this, you will no longer be a true Guardian.”

Hasan and Ali both vanished in orbs of light that matched their colors. “They went to Satan’s castle, no doubt.” said Sage.

“What does this mean Sage?” asked Cuine.

“Yes, what will happen now?” Nyra added.

“You three will begin your training, just as planned,” said Sage. “I did not foresee this, and I forgot that the Gantz and Vander bloodlines serve Satan. Our predicament is much worse now, as the two traitors will undoubtedly take oaths to Satan, and he will amplify their powers, making them much greater and more terrible than any other Guardian. But, we have an advantage they do not. Cuine, Nyra, Lorem, follow me.” The three girls followed Sage back to the assembly area. There, in a circle, were eight chairs, four occupied by Guardians, one ruby-red, one emerald-green, one sapphire-blue, one bronze and tan.

Rage of the Shadow

Two Guardians appeared outside Satan du Fjorlag Avohkii’s throne room. The guards, dressed in high quality, onyx chainmail, with Satan’s insignia, a trifeld with demon’s horns, halted the advancing pair. “And what be yer business ‘ere?” barked one of the guards.

The green and yellow Guardian was first to respond. “We are to seek an audience to with Master Lord Satan, the Death of Light, on extremely important business. It is regarding sightings of rebel Guardians, sir.”

“You can pass, but first, we need yer names,” responded the guard.

“Guardian Alison Vander of Bloodhren,” said the green Guardian.

“Guardian Hasan Gantz of Bloodhren,” said the other Guardian, who was ruby-red and orange.

The guards gasped, “The Royal Ones. The prophecy was true.” The lead guard said, “Yes my Ladies, you may pass.” The guards unbolted the mighty doors and they slid apart.

Hasan and Ali exchanged quick glances and cautiously stepped into the dark throne room. “Welcome, Hasan and Ali,” rumbled a deep voice, one of evil. Satan’s voice. “I have been expecting you. A prophecy reads: ‘On the Day of the Dark, the peak of the Dark Lord’s power, four Guardians of the elements fire, water, earth, air, will be born. Two will be corrupt to the dark, one will be noble, and one will be unsure, but decide their own destiny. The darkness will rise, and Guardians shall fall.’ The Day of the Dark is today, the day you became Guardians. You two are the corrupt, Lorem is the unsure, and I do not know who the noble one is. Come in, young ones, and face your destiny.”

The two Guardians entered, and ten yards from the angular obsidian throne, bowed on the ground, touching their foreheads to the cold stone floor, signaling submission and unquestionable loyalty. “Rise,” continued Satan. Hasan and Ali rose, but they knelt and inclined their heads. “You will submit yourselves to an oath, and a permanent conversion to become my servants forever. But first, I need a report on everything that has happened since your last lesson.” Hasan, Lorem, and Ali, being from Royal Loyalist families, had always been loyal to their master, Satan. They were prophesized as Guardians, and were trained in use of their future powers and in the power tongue, but Satan had never been able to make them Guardians, with all the shells he tried.

“Yes master,” said Hasan. “Well, there are four other Guardians, and I have a feeling there may be more. Guardian Cuine, which I know you know of, Guardian Nyra Davinroy, she is the ‘noble one’ in the prophecy, and Lorem betrayed us master, she turned to the rebel’s side. And there is this older Guardian, much older than anyone I know, maybe as old as you, my master. He calls himself Guardian Sage, or the Sage of Bloodhren.”

“Sage?” Satan growled, beginning to loose his temper. “Guardian Sage? Jonol Havinson? No! He must have survived the fall. But how, I cannot imagine.” Satan regained his self control.

“Worse news yet, my lord,” began Ali. “We were teleported away from Bloodhren to a place called the ‘Guardian Haven’. We believe it is where the Guardians hid during your reign, and we believe Bloodhren is the rebel capital. Unfortunately my master, we were not able to find where this Guardian Haven is located. We apologize my lord, and we wish to begin a search as we do have an idea of where it may be.”

“So, finally the Guardian’s home has been located,” said Satan. “I grant you permission to conduct you search. You may take up to one hundred men, and bring along five siege engines, of which you can choose. No doubt these new Guardians will be trained in the old ways. They will be able to cut down ten men with a single blast, especially the light Guardian.” Satan’s voice gained an edge on the last four words. “I will begin to lay siege to Bloodhren. These rebels will not survive, that city has escaped my gaze for far too long. Now, repeat the following oath, one at a time. ‘On mine divine sacred will, I, Guardian Hasan Gantz or Guardian Alison Vander, do solemnly swear my life and my loyalty to my eternal master, Dominus Domino Satan du Fjorlag Avohkii, until he releases me from this oath, or until I properly die. This I swear on my honor, my soul, my blood.’”

Hasan and Ali repeated the oath without hesitation, in a monotonous voice. After the oath, they felt oddly weak, as if they had used their powers.

“Good!” boomed Satan. “Now, my very young apprentices come with me.” Satan led Hasan and Ali through twisting passages until they came to a massive stone door. “By demon’s blood and eons of darkness past, let myself and brethren pass!” chanted Satan in the power tongue. The gates slowly ground open to reveal a large room, containing very little, just a throne, and several chairs. “Now, seat yourself, and lower the barriers around your mind. Concentrate on achieving thinking of nothingness. Pure nothingness.” The girls seated themselves in two chairs, and Satan in the throne, but he pulled his staff, Exorior du Kraakshaan, Rise of Shadows.

Hasan and Ali did just that, and the black diamond set into Exorior du Kraakshaan glowed bright red, as did the Guardian’s eyes. They slumped over, unconscious. Little did they know that they would never be the same again.

* * *

“These Guardians,” said Sage, who had just showed Cuine, Nyra, and Lorem four Guardians, “are the four clan chiefs of old. Like me, they survived the fall. Guardian Light never met them, so Satan does not know that these four Guardians even exist. Cuine, Nyra, Lorem, this is Guardian Tallen, the fire chief.”

“A pleasure,” said Tallen. His mask was a hexagon that was rounded at the corners. His body was crimson, his armor ruby-red and silver. “This is my brother, Hasuun, the earth leader.”

“Good to meet you,” said Hasuun. Hasuun’s mask was shaped something like a diamond. He wore bronze armor and mask over a tan body. “This is my sister, Novahana.’

“Good to see new Guardians after all these years,” said Novahana. She had a mask like a diving mask. Sapphire blue armor was bound to a storm blue body that made her up. “This is my final brother, Lem.”

“I love you young Guardians, especially to teach you,” said Lem excitedly. He had a white body with emerald-green armor.

Sage motioned for the Guardians to sit down, which they did. He remained standing and began to speak in an enchanting voice, one so powerful you were forced to listen. “Listen now, young Guardians, for I shall tell you the history of Khuhuxan, land of Guardians. The lost one, of how we came to be.

“One hundred twenty thousand and twelve years ago was the beginning of the Age Dafth, the Dark Age, the rise of Satan. Before then though, before the first Guardian, in the Age of Triavn, lived the elementals. They were made from the four original elements, water, fire, earth, and air. These elementals ruled Khuhuxan from the day it was created, and it was a golden age. But it could not last. The elementals were immortal, but were not immune to disease, poison, and wounds. They eventually died out for unknown reasons, but before they did, the Master Elementals created what they called a Geyma, and what we call a Guardian. A light Guardian, by the name of Guardian Cuine Havinson the Trifeld.” Cuine gasped at this, and Sage continued. “Now you know of your namesake Cuine. The elementals taught him what they knew before they died. They wished him to take the throne, so he did. Then came the best of times for Khuhuxan. It was an even better age than the one during the elemental’s reign. Cuine ruled for countless years, making treaties with all the races, the elves, dwarves, humans, and dragons, except for the demons. It was a lonely life, so he took a royal human, Frances Davinroy, to be his mate. The demons would not listen to Cuine, and they slaughtered any diplomat, no matter how heavily guarded, so Cuine could not form an alliance. He wanted the demons slaughtered for their crimes, and so they were, except for their leader, Satan. No matter what Cuine did, he could not kill Satan. So he arranged to have Satan captured. It cost Cuine dearly although. Satan was captured, after Cuine lost 1000 troops to him, and he was brought to the castle in the old capital of Khuhuxan, Urbis du Bloodhren, the City of Bloodhren. It is not the city of Bloodhren we know today. It is the city of darkness now, Niger Urbis, the Black City. Satan could not be killed, even by Cuine. So Satan was weakened and exiled. But not weakened enough. In the dead of night, when the full moon shown, Satan snuck into the castle, killed Cuine and his mate by slitting their throats, and fled as quickly as he had come. The next morning, the sun rose for the last time in 110,000 years. Satan had been hiding in the castle all morning, silently watching the great suffering he had caused. At noon, when the sun was at its peak, Satan flew out the balcony window, raising his sword, Kifr Fjorlag, chanting the eternal words: ‘By the laws set by the late Cuine Havinson the trifeld, I claim this land called Khuhuxan as my own. The law says the slayer of the ruler of Khuhuxan will take the throne if no heir is present, so I shall! I killed Cuine and his mate, they deserved to die. Now let my eternal reign begin!’ I was twenty years at the time and mourning over my father’s death as he chanted those words. That is when I knew my life’s course, destroy Satan and avenge my mother and father’s death.” The young Guardians gasped at this fact. They stared at each other, at the clan chiefs, and finally at Sage.

“Yes, Cuine Havinson the Trifeld was my father. My human name, before I became Guardian Sage, was Jonol Havinson. I, like you Cuine and Nyra, am half Havinson, half Davinroy, the two true royal lines. We are all distantly related. Now, back to my tale. I found the remaining Havinsons, Davinroys, elves, dwarves, and dragons that had survived Satan’s massacres, and rallied them together to form a rebel alliance. We called ourselves the Avohkii Brethren, the Bringers of Light. We fled and formed New Bloodhren, or as it is called today, Bloodhren. One day however, similar what happened to you Cuine, I was summoned away by Satan to be made into Guardian. It was a few years into his reign, and as there were simply too many uprisings, he wanted Guardians to assist him in controlling the land. He made me into a Guardian. I fled however, using my knowledge of how my father’s powers had worked. I barely did so in time, just as I barely saved you in time, Cuine. Anyways, so began the war. I oversaw generation after generation of rebels fight Satan; we weakened him and his stronghold on Khuhuxan quite a bit, but could not kill him. Finally, after 110,000 years, we created the third, or as most think the first Guardian, Avohkii. He led our armies to defeat Satan in the final showdown in over five thousand years. Satan was nearly killed, but we believe he used mental trickery on Avohkii to spare him. Avohkii thought he killed him, but he did not die all the way. He was banished into a spirit form, watching Khuhuxan, waiting to strike once again.

“Then came the Guardian’s reign. It was a golden age, or something of one. The Eternal Shadow was eased and brought to rest, but could not be banished from Satan’s capital, Niger Urbis. Satan had burned the city during his reign, making it shadowed and black. Avohkii however, usurped my orders and took the reign for himself. He was influenced by a Guardian spirit, who claimed he was Cuine the Trifeld, but was Satan. Soon, the elves and dwarves thrived again, and the dragons formed a pact with the Guardians so they could ride dragons. New Guardians were made, and the seven clans, water, fire, earth, air, light, shadow, and Metallica were formed. The Metallica Guardians, now known as Avin Guardians, could bend more than one element. They were classified as silver, gold, and onyx. Silver was the basic elements, with no strengthening bias to a certain element, gold was the basic elements strength biased to light, onyx was the same but biased to shadow. Guardians were chosen by the Guardian Gene Enchantment, which placed a gene in every human that, if it was codominant, which was extremely rare, a new Guardian would be born. Every child would be tested in a variety of ways at the Guardian Trials, anyone could try out, but only the children with the Guardian Gene would be the only ones that could pass. Our nation, at its zenith, in 5000 Rune, was 750 members, one hundred in each clan, with fifty members in the Metallica clan.

“But in the year 5023 Rune, the shadow clan leader, Mekutha, which literally means darkness, dark, or dark one, betrayed us. He slaughtered a Metallica Guardian, and was exiled, stripped of his immortality and his powers locked away. For ten years he wandered, until he found the spirit of Satan, who he took into his body. Satan was back, after five thousand twenty-three years, he would have his revenge, as Guardian-demon Satan du Mekutha, Satan of Darkness. In 5050 Rune, Light’s Revolution swept over the Guardians, and soon, I took Avohkii’s place as leader of the guardians. As his final wish, Avohkii exiled the shadow clan, all one hundred members. 25 years later, Satan revealed himself and his new army of Dark Guardian Lords. Satan himself marched into our capitol, and demanded our immediate surrender and total submission to his rule. I of course, refused, and so began another war. In short, we lost, they slaughtered every Guardian except myself and my four siblings here, so we fled from our camps, and found this cavern, which we formed into and dubbed, the Guardian Haven. Satan began to rule again, more absolutely than ever. Soon, though, we revived the Avohkii Brethren, and attacked Satan, killing off his Dark Guardians, one by one over 4927 years, creating Guardian after Guardian, who all died or worse, surrendered to Satan, who made them Dark Guardians, except for Nasu, Kranua, Lhikan, and Lewaang, until Guardian Light, my greatest failure. Guardian Light was the one who betrayed us to Satan, he is the second Great Betrayer. Guardian Light and Satan formed the new Satan, Satan du Fjorlag Avohkii; Satan, Death of Light. Over the last twelve years, he slaughtered the remaining Guardians and rebuilt the Eternal Shadow, as it slowly engulfs Khuhuxan, and soon, the world. The shadow when finished expanding, will be able to see into the minds of every person in Satan’s empire and turn them into his slaves. It will be the end of all hope and freedom, the end of all. We must not let this happen. You three shall be trained, but in the mean time, we must find replacement Guardians out of rebel families immediately to replace Hasan and Ali. No doubt they are Satan’s slaves by now.”

“I agree Sage,” said Tallen, “we must find new Guardians before it is too late.”

“And I know the perfect candidates,” said Lorem. “Eryn Ramsey and Dani Escobar are two good friends of mine that sadly, moved to Avin.”

“Do you know their lineages?” asked Sage.

“Yes, I do. Eryn is full Mullins and Dani is a Strongwater.”

“Perfect!” exclaimed Sage. “We will go now, just you and me Lorem. I know the village chief, he will gladly welcome us. Nyra, Cuine, you will receive your swords and armor, as you will train with them, and we may go to war at anytime.”

Sage gestured for Lorem to follow him, and they stepped off to the side. Sage shouted, “To the Village of Avin!” The pair vanished in an orb of light.

[LiLi]

You might want to reword some parts of this paragraph as well as divide it. I had to re-read this part a few times to make sure there were three people in the throne room and who was talking to whom. For example, you could set it up like this:

“No, please Lord Guardian,” said Satan du Mekutha.

Guardian Light, leader of the rebellion against his (instead of the pronoun "his," you could replace this with "Mekutha's" or "du Mekutha's" because as of now, the reader doesn't know who either character is or whose reign is being referred to) reign and the legendary Guardians, keepers of the peace in Khuhuxan (it's not immediately clear who the keepers of the peace are. Are you referring to the Guardians? It's probably better to drop this description and mention it later so that you don't overload the sentence/paragraph with too much info.), had entered the throne room of the castle in the capital city of Niger Riki, the Black Kingdom.

Satan du Kraakshaan, ruler of Khuhuxan, was at the mercy of Guardian Light’s and his own sword, Avohkii Blan Kifr and Kifr Fjorlag. “Spare me. I am weak and old. So old. Tales of my powers have been terribly exaggerated and I have weakened greatly these past millennia of my reign. Please spare me, in fact, join me. Our goals are not different. We both are trying to keep the peace, but you rebels have destroyed it with your war. People do not care who is on the throne, they just want peace. I was young and made a huge mistake when I wiped out the Guardians. I made a mistake and sought revenge for what I was exiled for. Please spare me and join me. Together, we may rule Khuhuxan in peace. That is all I ask. Kill me if you wish.”

I think this is where I got confused. It appears that Satan du Kraakshaan is the ruler, and it's his throne room? If so (then I was wrong to suggest Mekutha's name...it would actually be Kraakshaan's name). It needs to be more obvious that there are three people: Guardian Light, Satan du Kraakshaan (the ruler), and Satan du Mekutha. Where are they standing? Where is Mekutha? Why does Mekuthat say, "No, please Lord Guardian," in the beginning? Is he hesitant about something?

Now, let's get more into the charaters :-)


Guardian Light pondered his words for a long while, and finally, lowered the crossed swords at Satan’s neck. “I will join you,” Guardian Light said. “Just tell me what I need to do, master.” Guardian Light knelt and bowed his head in respect and fealty as his new master rose.

I think Kraakshaan's offer for Guardian Light (and Mekutha) to join him should be a little more psychological manipulation and less of a plea to be spared. Satan du Kraakshaan is presumably a powerful ruler, a tyrant even...so I wouldn't imagine a person like this asking to be spared as if he were a weakling. Also, when Guardian Light agrees to join him, what is his motivation for doing so? Motivation is very important. It doesn't make it convincing enough if Guardian Light only ponders Kraakshaan's words for a long time, Guardian Light needs to have a believable reason to join Kraakshaan instead of just killing him and taking his place, or installing Mekutha or someone else on the throne, etc. Perhaps at this point we need to get inside Guardian Light's head and hear his thoughts, so we know what his temptations and weaknesses are.

Master, thought Satan, I could get used to this. “You are sure then. Doing so, you will not be able to go back. Now, allow me to place my hand on your forehead and lower the barriers around your mind and conciseness.” Guardian Light did so, and immediately, the pair began to glow and fade. The next thing the young Guardian felt was pain. There was a war of three minds: Satan, the demon lord; Guardian Mekutha, the Misunderstood and former shadow king; and the young and confused Guardian Light, whose mind was immediately overwhelmed by Satan. Then to Mekutha and Guardian Light, there was nothing, no feeling, no thought. Just pure nothingness.

Were Guardian Light and Mekutha killed? Did they merge with Kraakshaan? Why were the three minds warring? How did the Guardians feel?

A new figure rose, and bellowed, “I am Satan du Fjorlag Avohkii, the absolute ruler of Khuhuxan!” The new Satan had a set of iron colored wings; the mask of Guardian Light with demon’s horns, Kifr Fjorlag was sheathed at his waist. His new armor was steel, silver, and goldenrod colored. He stood seven feet tall.

With a mighty beat of his wings, he rushed into the sky through an oversized window, raised Kifr Fjorlag, and shot an eternal shadow over the Black Kingdom, reciting the words in the power tongue, “Let my Eternal Shadow rule over the now black kingdom of Khuhuxan!” An amethyst and black colored shadow appeared over Khuhuxan, spreading out from Satan du Demn Avohkii’s sword. The shadow of Satan would rise again, after ten millennia of waiting; he would raise rule his land once again.

Was he planning this all along? (it says he's been waiting ten millenia). Sounds cool, which is all the more reason why we need to see his manipulative and calculating nature at work when he's speaking to Guardian Light.

[SpaceShip]

I liked it but, like Lili, was a bit confused in places. I do have a problem with lots of people being introduced in a very short space of time, especially when they have what are to me strange (different) names to what I'm used to hearing. It would, therefore, take a lot of mental agility on my part to remember exactly who was who. Would it be possible to introduce some of them, like Cuine's family later in the story? I think I saw one glaring typo near the beginning - conciseness - should it have been consciousness? However, if the story could be simplified "namewise", it looks very good.

[Cuine]

Originally Posted by LiLi

You might want to reword some parts of this paragraph as well as divide it. I had to re-read this part a few times to make sure there were three people in the throne room and who was talking to whom. For example, you could set it up like this:

“No, please Lord Guardian,” said Satan du Mekutha.

Guardian Light, leader of the rebellion against his (instead of the pronoun "his," you could replace this with "Mekutha's" or "du Mekutha's" because as of now, the reader doesn't know who either character is or whose reign is being referred to) reign and the legendary Guardians, keepers of the peace in Khuhuxan (it's not immediately clear who the keepers of the peace are. Are you referring to the Guardians? It's probably better to drop this description and mention it later so that you don't overload the sentence/paragraph with too much info.), had entered the throne room of the castle in the capital city of Niger Riki, the Black Kingdom.

Satan du Kraakshaan, ruler of Khuhuxan, was at the mercy of Guardian Light’s and his own sword, Avohkii Blan Kifr and Kifr Fjorlag. “Spare me. I am weak and old. So old. Tales of my powers have been terribly exaggerated and I have weakened greatly these past millennia of my reign. Please spare me, in fact, join me. Our goals are not different. We both are trying to keep the peace, but you rebels have destroyed it with your war. People do not care who is on the throne, they just want peace. I was young and made a huge mistake when I wiped out the Guardians. I made a mistake and sought revenge for what I was exiled for. Please spare me and join me. Together, we may rule Khuhuxan in peace. That is all I ask. Kill me if you wish.”

I think this is where I got confused. It appears that Satan du Kraakshaan is the ruler, and it's his throne room? If so (then I was wrong to suggest Mekutha's name...it would actually be Kraakshaan's name). It needs to be more obvious that there are three people: Guardian Light, Satan du Kraakshaan (the ruler), and Satan du Mekutha. Where are they standing? Where is Mekutha? Why does Mekuthat say, "No, please Lord Guardian," in the beginning? Is he hesitant about something?

Now, let's get more into the charaters :-)


Guardian Light pondered his words for a long while, and finally, lowered the crossed swords at Satan’s neck. “I will join you,” Guardian Light said. “Just tell me what I need to do, master.” Guardian Light knelt and bowed his head in respect and fealty as his new master rose.

I think Kraakshaan's offer for Guardian Light (and Mekutha) to join him should be a little more psychological manipulation and less of a plea to be spared. Satan du Kraakshaan is presumably a powerful ruler, a tyrant even...so I wouldn't imagine a person like this asking to be spared as if he were a weakling. Also, when Guardian Light agrees to join him, what is his motivation for doing so? Motivation is very important. It doesn't make it convincing enough if Guardian Light only ponders Kraakshaan's words for a long time, Guardian Light needs to have a believable reason to join Kraakshaan instead of just killing him and taking his place, or installing Mekutha or someone else on the throne, etc. Perhaps at this point we need to get inside Guardian Light's head and hear his thoughts, so we know what his temptations and weaknesses are.

Master, thought Satan, I could get used to this. “You are sure then. Doing so, you will not be able to go back. Now, allow me to place my hand on your forehead and lower the barriers around your mind and conciseness.” Guardian Light did so, and immediately, the pair began to glow and fade. The next thing the young Guardian felt was pain. There was a war of three minds: Satan, the demon lord; Guardian Mekutha, the Misunderstood and former shadow king; and the young and confused Guardian Light, whose mind was immediately overwhelmed by Satan. Then to Mekutha and Guardian Light, there was nothing, no feeling, no thought. Just pure nothingness.

Were Guardian Light and Mekutha killed? Did they merge with Kraakshaan? Why were the three minds warring? How did the Guardians feel?

A new figure rose, and bellowed, “I am Satan du Fjorlag Avohkii, the absolute ruler of Khuhuxan!” The new Satan had a set of iron colored wings; the mask of Guardian Light with demon’s horns, Kifr Fjorlag was sheathed at his waist. His new armor was steel, silver, and goldenrod colored. He stood seven feet tall.

With a mighty beat of his wings, he rushed into the sky through an oversized window, raised Kifr Fjorlag, and shot an eternal shadow over the Black Kingdom, reciting the words in the power tongue, “Let my Eternal Shadow rule over the now black kingdom of Khuhuxan!” An amethyst and black colored shadow appeared over Khuhuxan, spreading out from Satan du Demn Avohkii’s sword. The shadow of Satan would rise again, after ten millennia of waiting; he would raise rule his land once again.

Was he planning this all along? (it says he's been waiting ten millenia). Sounds cool, which is all the more reason why we need to see his manipulative and calculating nature at work when he's speaking to Guardian Light.

Really hate to tell you this, but there are TWO people in the throne room, not three. Satan du Mekutha and Guardian Light. The Kraakshaan thing is a typo.
Thanks for the criticism.

[Admiral Ryouhei]

Let me see if I get the whole shibang before I continue

1) Satan is possesing Mekutha

2) Satan uses Mekutha's old age and probably a pathetic tone of voice to lure Guardian Light's guard down... that sorta sounds wierd, the wording I used I mean

3) Satan transfers his essence to Light's body or fuses the two bodies together or some sort of life force stealing thing, IDK, and reclaims enough power to assume his 'true form'?

[LiLi]

Originally Posted by Cuine

Really hate to tell you this, but there are TWO people in the throne room, not three. Satan du Mekutha and Guardian Light. The Kraakshaan thing is a typo.
Thanks for the criticism.

Then I was even more confused than I thought! Sorry about that :-)
I hope I didn't come off as harsh or anything...I do think it's interesting and the funny thing is that my own story has demi-god characters in it known as Guardians.

[Cuine]

Originally Posted by Admiral Ryouhei

Let me see if I get the whole shibang before I continue

1) Satan is possesing Mekutha

2) Satan uses Mekutha's old age and probably a pathetic tone of voice to lure Guardian Light's guard down... that sorta sounds wierd, the wording I used I mean

3) Satan transfers his essence to Light's body or fuses the two bodies together or some sort of life force stealing thing, IDK, and reclaims enough power to assume his 'true form'?

That's pretty much it.