Jokes Of The Day. . .

[Anomaly]

A man was walking in the park and came upon an old man crying and sobbing profusely.
"What's wrong the man asked?"
"Well the old man said, I am 85 years old. Recently I married a beautiful 25 year old woman. She adores me. She is a gormet chef and cooks me delicious food every day. And every night we make mad passionate love!"

"Well then the man asked why on earth are you so sad"

Through tears of pain the old man bawled out" I can't remember where I live!!!!"

[Ninepawns]

Newbie here - thought I'd share a couple of jokes for my first post.

1) A guy takes his wife to the doctors;

'Doctor, my wife has behaving strangely, can you examine her for me?' he asked.

'Certainly.' the doctor replied.

A little while later the doctor says;

'I've narrowed it down to two things.' he said 'It's either Alzheimer's disease or AIDS.'

'Oh my God,' replied the man 'What should I do?'

'Well,' advised the doctor 'take her for a long drive in the country, leave her behind and if she finds her way back home don't have sex with her.'

2) Q. What do you get if you cross a rooster with peanut butter?

A. A **** that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

I hope that's not too rude

[Joel007]

It's been censored so its not, but I'm sure everyone still gets the meaning

[HoopyFrood]

What? I don't get it...?

*Smiles innocently*

[Who's Wee Dug]

(Actual writings from hospital charts):



1. The patient refused a autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

[Loz1703]

There is an englishman and irshman and an american on top of the empire states building having a drinking competetion. The american turns to the irish man and says after ten pints i bet i can jump off the roof and fly around the building five times. Ok the irish man says your on. The american jumps off the building and flies around five times before landing safly on the roof. My turn says the irish man who jumps off and plumets to his doom. The english turns to the american and says you know what superman you can be really nasty when your drunk.