ASOIAF badass

[the smiling weirwood]

Dracarys. Brought to you by The Smiling Weirwood.

[timekiller]

Badass continued ok pulled the 1st part origionally about mr T off bebo and the second origionally about Francie Bellewie (Armagh full back) also off bebo

Randyll Tarly . does not break wind. He destroys it.

Randyll Tarly is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Randyll Tarly once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.

Randyll Tarly is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Randyll Tarly once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.

It took five women 2 years to give birth to Randyll Tarly

Randyll Tarly counted to infinity - twice.

If Randyll Tarly is late, time better slow the **** down.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Randyll Tarly

Randyll Tarly can slam revolving doors.

Randyll Tarly is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Superman owns a pair of Randyll Tarly pajamas.

Randyll Tarly can speak braille.

Randyll Tarly is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Randyll Tarly

Randyll Tarly once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber.

As a child, Randyll Tarly played Hungry Hungry Hippos with real hippos.

When Randyll Tarly laughs too hard while drinking milk, he accidently ***** a cow.

Now Randyll Tarly doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Randyll Tarly pities the fool that laughs so hard he wets himself from reading
this.

23. That's the number of people Randyll Tarly has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Randyll Tarly once doused himself in gasoline but the fuel was too afraid to ignite. Randyll Tarly pitied the fuel.

It is impossible to be raped by Randyll Tarly because that would mean you did not want it to happen.

Randyll Tarly died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Randyll Tarly doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Randyll Tarly says its beef, then it's ******* beef.

Randyll Tarly once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Randyll Tarly sold his soul to the devil for the ability to pity fools and his ability to inflict pain on suckas. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Randyll Tarly punched the crazy fool in the face and took his soul back.

Randyll Tarly was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

The last time Randyll Tarly went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him.
What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.


Randyll Tarly doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he
was hitting another full forward twelve yards away.

When Randyll Tarly was a child, he made his mother finish her
vegetables.

When Randyll Tarly pisses into the wind, the wind changes
direction.

Randyll Tarly won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to
Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Randyll Tarly....Sounds like a
fair fight.

If Randyll Tarly was gáy, his name would be Chuck Norris.

What color is Randyll Tarly's blood? Trick question. Randyll Tarly
does not bleed

Randyll Tarly cowboy boots are made from real cowboys

There was going to be a special edition Randyll Tarly toliet
paper, but Randyll Tarly doesn't take crap from anybody.

Randyll Tarly always gives blood. Just never his own

Randyll Tarly sleeps with a night light, not because hes afraid of the
dark, because the darks afraid of him

Randyll Tarly's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Randyll Tarly once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands

Randyll Tarly puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Randyll Tarly fist.

Randyll Tarly died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the
courage to tell him

Randyll Tarly doesn't wear a watch he decides what time it is

[Werthead]

Interesting. In discussions on ((other forums)) Jason Mallister has emerged to challenge Randyll Tarly's supremacy in the "Not-even-secondary characters who are nevertheless inexplicably cool," stakes, on the somewhat suspicious grounds that Mallister killed Balon Greyjoy's eldest son and then agreed to fight on alone against the Lannisters when the rest of the Riverlands capitulated.

From a historical perspective, it should be pointed out that Tarly took over from Bronze Yohn Royce as the "Boba Fett" of Westeros.

[KiwiBird]

Originally Posted by the smiling weirwood

A little girl who lost her family, her home, and her innocence all in one blow and kept on despite everything without having her spirit broken is pretty damn strong. She IS a f***ing dragon. Watch out or she'll eat you

she did not lose it all in one blow, and secondly what else is she to do?
I RL there are many cases like that and most go on as well

[the smiling weirwood]

She got married to a stranger. Not all children are like Arya and Dany, many would have been broken by the things they have endured.

[AryaUnderfoot]

I still think the Mother of Dragons would have shed at least a single tear if a Direwolf chomped her fingers.

[the smiling weirwood]

The Direwolf would be dragon chow along with its owner before it could even sniff her. That's just how she rolls.

[timekiller]

Originally Posted by AryaUnderfoot

I still think the Mother of Dragons would have shed at least a single tear if a Direwolf chomped her fingers.

Yea but wouldn't the greatjon cry and run away like a little girl if he walked into a great bloody bonfire

[Trey Greyjoy]

Not the Greatjon! The only crying he'd be doing is a war cry while pulling off dragon wings with his teeth.

[timekiller]

i would agree if his war cry was IT BURNS, IT BURNS, OH GOD IT BURNS.

[the smiling weirwood]

Just so.

[AryaUnderfoot]

Originally Posted by timekiller

i would agree if his war cry was IT BURNS, IT BURNS, OH GOD IT BURNS.

To the Greatjon that would just be a warm tickle. He wouldn't even laugh at it- he'd giggle.

[Trey Greyjoy]

Originally Posted by timekiller

IT BURNS, IT BURNS, OH GOD IT BURNS.

He'd only say that in response to the hot sauce he cooked those dragon wings in, then just wash it down with a barrel of ale.

[the smiling weirwood]

Is that before or after Ser Barristan and Belwas ripped his arms and legs off and used them as door props?

The Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea is SO bad ass, she has lesser bad asses serving her. The Greatjon is just an old, cold fat man. He's got nothing on the Mother of Dragons!

In fact, the Greatjon is SO fat, Dany could burn up just him and hatch FOUR dragons!

[Trey Greyjoy]

I think we are reading 2 different books....as I recall, Dany would flinch at the thought of a "stern pinching" from her brother.....