INTRO TO PART TWO:
Wah, you asked for it. I REFUSE TO COMPLY AND IF THIS MAKES NO SENSE THEN I’LL BE ECSTATIC
:nuts::crazy::rain:
This is written now because I’ve had a brill faberoony kinda day. I would like to thank the people who made this possible.
Firstly, I would like to thank my mum for going out and leaving me home alone.
Secondly I’d like to thank all the food I’ve ingested today on my massive ‘I’m such a happy person’ food fest.
Thirdly I’d like to tank Annette for keeping me :nuts::rain: whilst doing my Physics and Chemistry.
Fourthly MTV and Dangerfield for keeping me company today as ever.
Fifthly and Finally. Dave. Mishkaz. Honey.
What can I say, you’ve got me down to a T (or should we say an ‘M?’) It’s the only thing I can do to keep away and do some work. In fact, the strange dreams I had even before I got it (involving the one about the blue dress, the cardboard cut out Dalek and the brace of carton drinks [go figure]) are part of why I’m writing this! Hopefully we’ll have a puddy tat purring at your door soon and demanding a name. Have fun in communicado, darling
Now that I’ve annoyed everyone no end (hahaha) I reckon I should get on with the show, non?
TURNING, TURNING, TURNING…..
Oh wow my song is playing!
INSOMNIA! I just love that song. The lyrics are just so….
Damnit! Oh, sorry for interrupting. I felt the need to share, is all!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The curtain finally rises. The pink rocks have gone. In their place stands a wallpaper table. On the wallpaper table stand various drinks of all kinds. Including Bovril. Behind the table stands the barkeep, who we shall meet later. Thronged masses of aliens generally throng. Important to note that most of the aliens look very human like. And the most exotic aliens in the room are invisible. Odd, that, when you get to think about it. I mean REALLY…
Aris Boch:
Wolf-whistles appreciatively.Well hello there, sweetie. It isn’t often we get such a fine filly as you in here amidst the dregs. What can I do you for, hunny?
Jack: Who the hell is he talking to?
Aris: You, sweetie. Unfortunately, we don’t take garbage cans in here.
He indicates Carter in her ‘box’ costume.
Sam: Fine, then we’ll leave.
Jack: Yah, let’s get out of here.
Teal’c: O’Neill, do we not first need to meet our contact?
Aris: Woah there, honey bunch! You can’t go leave me now before we’ve even had time to get acquainted! Did he say ‘O’Neill?’ As in
THE O’Neill? Wow, dating HIS daughter would make me famous!
Puts his arm round the bikini’d Jack.
Jack: His DAUGHTER?!?!?
Aris: Well, let’s face it, he isn’t THAT young anymore…
Jack: How dare you!
Slaps Aris.
Aris: Quite feisty, aren’t we?
Jack: That’s it, people, we are SO leaving!
Aris: No, don’t leave! NO!
[i] Jack and co. stand up.[i]
Daniel: Jack? Jack! You can’t leave! You’re supposed to meet up with your informant who advances the plot in there!
Jack: And?
Daniel: Well, yes! And!
Jack: that is not a valid argument. Write us meeting in another place.
Daniel: What?!?! I’ve only just hired the act for the next scene change! You can’t just go round asking for changes in the middle of it all?
Jack: Why not? This sucks. How can I stand there whilst that freak makes goo-goo eyes at me and those two with the story books down the front keep shouting ‘On with the Suspenders!’
Bee and Kat-D look innocent. Well, they try, anyway.
Daniel: Look, I’ll try. Just take a five minute break whilst I wangle a new set.
Jack: Fine. I think we’ll take seats at the front.
Sam: Uh, Sir?
Teal’c: I believe that to be unwise, O’Neill.
Jack: No way am I carting that scenery around. And besides, those seats look comfy. I’ll go get some. Te- uh, Murphy go get us some popcorn.
Teal’c: I am no longer Murphy. I am in my bear costume, therefore I am Teal’c.
Jack: Uh… sure… whatever.
Jack chooses three seats off to one side, which is relatively empty. It is not long before they are full.
Gemsong: Hello, Jack. Would you like some popcorn? I bet you can’t wait for Teal’c to come back. Here, come sit with me, I’ll share!
Skydiver: Yeah, come sit here, Jack. We’ll make sure you’re OK.
Jack: Uhm I think I’m already OK…
Teal’c: I have bought enough for the three of us.
MsGudBod: Oh, I don’t think so. Such a…
big man like you probably eats
loads…
Starling: Come sit with us. We like popcorn!
Jsc: And we don’t bite… much…
Teal’c: I do not believe this is wise.
Markpud: Here, Sam. Come sit with me and Neo.
Neo: Yeah, sure hunny, there’s loads of room.
Markpud: Yah, me and Buffy have some chocolate. We might be persuaded to share.
Asmiley: Oh, and I have some smores, too. Here, Jack, try one of these!
The SG teams have been trained for some heavy- uh, heavy… crud… but nothing like this! They try to resist but are pulled into the respective cliques. Peachy looks at Jack briefly, but decides against fighting the rabble swarming him. Instead, she clutches her flowers extra hard and looks longingly to where Daniel last was. Her face lights up as she hears his voice again.
Daniel: Get on stage NOW!
A grumbling blue cloud wanders onto the stage from the left. An equally upset ‘Blob’ squelches on from the right.
Entity: How does it feel? Wasn’t it good? Wasn’t it fine?
Blob: I sensed him with my psuedopodia and sensitivity to electromagnetic fields induced in my nucleus too well!
The two sing the rousing serenade for several minutes. Eventually Daniel is forced to push them offstage. Few people have even noticed what is happening. The mob are busy and SG-1 is trying to unbusy them.
Daniel: Curtain!
The stage is revealed again. The aliens are still there, but Aris has gone. (Some say broken hearted he left for the furthest edges of the Galaxy never to return. Others say he had a Bounty to hunt.) The wallpaper table has been moved to the other end of the stage and now holds one apple, one pear, one tomato and a kumquat.
Market Seller: Fresh fruit! Come and get your fresh fruit!
Daniel: JACK! SAM! TEAL’C! You’re needed onstage-
NOW!
Jack: Uhm, much as I would love to listen to your delightful anecdotes about ‘Thread Killing,’ food fights and… uh… cartoons… I think I should be going.
Teal’c: I regret that I must depart from your company.
Mob: NO! Don’t go!
Sam: Well, it was nice talking to you Mark, Neo, Buffy. I’ll be sure to take those hints to heart should I encounter a vampire.
Buffy: Cool. Have fun.
Sam: See you!
The stars finally make it back on stage.
Market Seller: fresh fruit! Fresh vegetables!
Jack: Who said that?
Market Seller: I did. Look down.
They do. They spot a chicken on the table. Jack peeks under the table.
Dave: No, me you wally! Just because I’m a chicken doesn’t mean I can’t turn a profit!
Jack: A CHICKEN?!?!
Dave: Oh look! Three gold stars to Mr. Observant! Take a crash course in stating the obvious, did we?
Jack: What?
Dave: Never mind, I see your one of our mentally deficient monkey friends again. Well, what’ll it be, fruit? Veg? Life insurance?
Teal’c: I can see no vegetables on this table.
Dave: Well try telling the masses that a tomato is a fruit and not a vegetable. Besides, I have other foods.
Sam: Is it a wise trade for a chicken to be in?
Dave: You kidding? We’re sacred round here. Plus, I get to promote vegetarianism. The Carrots protest, of course, but what are you to do?
Sam: Carrots?
Dave: Geez, where you been? Living in a BOX? Oh yeah, you have. The sentient carrots from Nova Scotia V. now are you buying or not?
Jack: Well, no, actually. We’re looking for a guide.
Dave: Then you came to the right place!
Teal’c: But you lead us to believe this was a place for the sale of foodstuffs.
Dave: Can’t a guy make a sideline in homeopathy and tourism? Yeesh, foreigners.
Jack: Well…. Ok… Huddle!
The three turn away from Dave, who starts to absently peck at the kumaquat. They huddle.
Jack: So, guys?
Sam: I don’t know what to think anymore. You screwed up the script, Sir.
Teal’c: I concur. I believe that the chicken would find it difficult to harm us in any way. I believe we are adequately safe.
Jack: Daniel?
Daniel: Don’t ask me, I mean I only write the script.
Jack: OK I’m sorry I screwed up your script, Daniel. But its your fault I’m in this bikini!
Daniel: Fine. Go with Dave and get changed in the curtain break.
Jack: Cheers.
Daniel: The things I do… honestly... CURTAIN!
Jack picks up Dave, and none too kindly.
Dave: Oi! Careful, you! Not only are chickens sacred and my body sacrosanct, I am also the King of a small planet, I’ll have you know!
Jack: Well that’s a load of bull-
The curtain falls, for tonight at least.
END OF ACT ONE!
That’s as far as I’ve got so far so don’t get tetchy. Don’t spoil my good mood by whining for more. It only makes me cranky and less inclined to write. But some people will never be told, will they?
I’m going as fast as I can! I haven’t had chance to read half the stuff here!!!! *Worries*