Pin Man

[demolition18]

Plot/synopsis: Hobie Red was clothes designer fired from his job. He throws pins at others when they are blowing bubbles with bubble gum. Hobie Red pops some balloons. Hobie Red becomes Pin Man. He also when he sees bubble gum blowing he pops the bubbles with pins. 3 girls named Julie, Kelly and Jenna work in NYC and don't have a driver’s license. These 3 girls each chew bubble gum allot and always blow bubbles when they chew bubble gum. He takes pins out of his cushion clothes. Maybe even darts 3 lovely young bubble gum blowing ladies must turn this mean twisted pin man over to the NY PD.

Beginning

Scene 1

Hobie makes cushion shirts. His boss Ed finds out. Ed: "Hobie. Your cushion shirts are an insane idea. That is crazy to pop bubbles with pins. What is the meaning of this?" Hobie: "I come up with new ways of popping gum bubbles. It’s just hard to press a finger into a bubble and pop them. I take the pins out of my cushion shirt and pop bubbles." Ed: "You amaze me Hobie. You're fired!" Hobie: "I'll get even!"

Scene 2

Hobie Red goes and takes the subway. Hobie Red is in his cushion shirt. Hobie Red is now known as Pin Man. 3 young ladies (Jenna, Julie and Kelly) are riding the subway. These 3 girls each have long hair. They are each wearing glitter on their face and purple eye shadow. These 3 chicks work in a shopping center in Manhattan. 3 hoodlums (grown men looking like low lives) attack those girls. Hood #1: "Hello pretty girl." Hood #2: "You girls are so beautiful." Hood # 3: "You taste so good." They try to make out with them. Hobie Red gets in the train gets into a fight with the 3 hoodlums. Pin Man: "Leave those girls alone." Hood #3: "Mind your own business you cushion man." They try to beat up on Hobie Red. Hobie Red pokes them 3 hoodlums with a pin. Hood #2: "Hey you poked us with pins." Pin Man: "I'm the Pin Man." He meets the 3 lovely young ladies. Hobie: "What are your names?" Julie: "I'm Julie." Jenna: "I'm Jenna." Kelly: "I'm Kelly." Pin Man: "I'm Hobie Red. That was my name. I am now Pincushion Man."

Scene 3

At Coney Island there are kids (girls and boys) blowing bubble gum bubbles. Pin Man gets by and pops those bubbles with his darts. He goes by balloons and pops them with darts. Everyone gets mad. People scream to the police. People at Coney Island: "Police. You maniac." The 3 young ladies Jenna, Kelly and Julie are finishing up their blow pops. They chew the gum and blow some bubbles and Kelly sucks a bubble up to her nose back into her mouth. Julie blows a small bubble and bites it with her teeth. Jenna is blowing a medium size bubble and rubs and smooches it with her hand. The 3 girls blow more bubbles and Pin Man sees them and throws pins at each bubble and the pins fall down. The 3 girls try to find out who popped their bubbles with pins. Jenna: "Who did it?" Kelly: "That was dangerous." Julie: "This person popped my bubbles with pins."

Scene 4

Everyone is back in Manhattan. Pin Man sees a little girl (10 years old) blowing a huge pink bubble. He pokes it with a pin. Pin Man: "Hey bubble head." The bubble pops all over the little girl’s face. The little girl starts crying. The parents of that girl makes fists at the Hobie Red. Little Girl’s Mother: "You maniac! You are going to pay for this. You disrespected my daughter."

Pin Man runs into a local street gang. They threaten Pincushion Man with baseball bats and chains. They are different skin colors (black, white, Latin, yellow) and some of them are females. Pin Man is beating up on the gang. The leader of the gang (a man with short hair) attacks with his hands. Hobie Red pokes him in the bellybutton with a pin. Gang Leader: "Ouch. You poked me with a pin." Pin Man: "Go get your belly button pierced." He threatens all the gang members (including all the women) with his pins. Gang Member #1: "Who are you?" Hobie: "I am the Pin Man and get out of here before I poke you with more pins."

Scene 5

Julie, Kelly and Jenna are on a triple date in Times Square with their boyfriends (Mark, Anthony and Michael). These 3 boys are each former hockey players. Julie is blowing a huge pink bubble and Mark sucks on it and they kiss. Jenna and Kelly are also blowing bubbles. Julie blows another one and sucks it back into her mouth. Pin Man appears. Kelly blows a regular size bubble and it pops and lands on her nose. Jenna blows a small bubble and she twists her bubble around and stuffs it back into her mouth. These girls blow their boyfriends big bubbles. Pin Man pulls out pins from the cushion under his shirts and pops them with pins. The 3 girls see the same man who dealt with their attackers on the subway. Julie, Kelly and Jenna now have some bazooka bubble gum stuck to their faces and more their lips. Anthony: "Don't you ever touch my woman you jerk." Mark: "I am going to kick your butt if you touch our women." Michael: "That was very dangerous to pop bubbles with pins. If you hurt our women, I will kick your butt."

Jenna, Kelly and Julie work at some store in Manhattan. They each put original flavor bubble tape into their mouths as they leave work. They are walking down New York chewing their gum and they all blow bubbles.

Scene 6

Pin Man out of nowhere throws bean bags at the huge bubbles these 3 lovely young ladies are blowing and all those bubbles are popped. A police car comes by and picks up the 3 girls. At the police station. Julie: "This crazy man was popping our bubbles with pins." Police Officer: "Who did it?" Kelly: "It was Hobie Red." Jenna: "Hobie Red is a guy who designs clothes. I heard that he started cushion clothes." Police Officer: "We suspect that he wants to get even with bubble gum blowers because he got fired for designing cushion clothes for holding the pins to pop bubbles with." The 3 hot chicks put double bubble in their mouths and walk out of the police station still chewing gum and blowing bubbles. Jenna blows a huge lovely bubble and sucks it back into her mouth. Julie and Kelly are blowing big ones and their bubbles pop and land on their chins and noses.

Scene 7

Later at Night. A bunch of kids (young girls and boys 7-12 years old) are at Shea stadium looking at a helmet in Queens. They are chewing bubble gum. They are in front of a helmet and they are all blowing bubbles (all pink) when they get in front of the helmet. Hobie Red shows up. A 10 year old boy blows a big pink bubble and Pin Man throws a pin at the bubble. Pin Man: "Score!" a bunch of mothers and fathers are there. Some mothers start cracking the gum. Snap! Snap! Snap! And Pin Man gets annoyed with it. Pin Man: "Hey I don't like that. If any of you crack that gum again I will shove it down your throat!" All those mothers chewing gum who cracked the gum blow some small bubbles and Pin Man takes out his pins and pops them sneaking behind. Hobie steals a baseball bat and trashes the place and some of the little kids blow bubbles and Pin Man pops them more pins from his cushion clothes. A mother blows a bubble and sucks it back in just as Pin Man swings with his pin and that mother turns away. Hobie throws more pins from his clothes into some pictures.

Scene 8

Later on in the night at a bar in Manhattan. A bunch of men and women are playing pool and are sitting and drinking. A bartender is seen in the background. Pin Man is playing darts and hits the bullseye. Pincushion Man is good at darts. The Bartender sees Pin Man. Bartender: "Hey you. Yeah I am talking to you psycho. You stay here un till the police come. You're the man who assaults bubble gum blowers with pins." Pin Man runs out of the bar just as the bartender picks up the telephone to call the police. Pin Man outside of the bar runs into the gang that he had already ran into earlier on. Gang Leader: "It’s you again you jerk. This time you die. We can kill you differently." The gang members all pull out knives. Pin Man holds several pins from his clothes. Pin Man: "Give up or I'll kill you with my pins." All those gang members lower their weapons. Gang leader: "I think that we better do what he says. He’s a good shot with pins and it’s best not to take chances." The whole gang leaves.

Scene 9

2 days later Jenna, Kelly and Julie are going with Mark, Anthony and Michael to Madison Square Garden. The 3 young ladies each have a bag of original flavor big league chew and put the whole bag of bubble gum into their mouths. They chew the gum. They blow some big bubbles. Each the size of their face. Pin Man coming out of nowhere pops them with his pins. Pin Man: "I love popping other people’s bubble gum bubbles. Now you girls are at the cost of my job making it difficult for me to pop bubbles by turning your faces away when someone is trying to poke them." Kelly: "Many people don't want to get their bubbles popped. Bubble gum blowing is better than smoking cigarettes." The 3 young men go to call the police. The 3 girls blow more bubbles and they blow them in front of Pin Man’s face. Pin Man: "Hey bubble gum girls!" He pokes them with 3 pins. The girls blow more big bubbles Pin Man tries to pop those bubbles by throwing pins on the bubbles and he misses. The girls all punch him. The police show up.

The boyfriends of those 3 young ladies are with the cops and the 3 guys point to the knocked down Hobie Red aim their guns at him. A cop puts the handcuffs on the Hobie Red and they put him in prison.

Scene 10

3 weeks later The girls are chewing 30 or more pieces of bazooka bubble gum. Anthony: "Did you hear the news? Pin Man and an entire gang have all been arrested." Jenna: "Yes. I heard that Pin Man is indicted on vandalism with pins and assault with pins. He’s a sharp shooter with pins." The 3 girls have the bubble gum stretched out on their tongues and ready to blow. Mark grabs onto Julie, Anthony grabs onto Jenna and Michael grabs onto Kelly. The 3 girls. blow the huge bubbles and they float away. This ends with the 3 girls blowing huge bubbles floating away while their boyfriends hold onto them.

End

[demolition18]

Christian Bale (Equilibrium, Shaft) as Hobie Red/Pin Man

Erika Christensen (Traffic) as Julie Hamilton

Julia Stiles (The Bourne Identity) as Kelly Walton

Natalie Portman (Star Wars Episode 2 Attack of The Clones, Heat, Star Wars Episode 1 The Phantom Menace, Mars Attack) as Jenna Simpson

Tazz (WWE) as local gang leader (the person who The Pin Man stabs with a pin)

There should be people look for as NY PD officers, 3 street subway hoodlums, local street gang (all different skin colors, some are females) and other bubble gum blowers. Even people as Michael, Mark and Anthony (the boyfriends of these 3 girls.)

[demolition18]

I am updating this thread. The script is really on a document. More could be written as it is only 5 pages long.

Pin Man.doc

[dustinzgirl]

K hon, I don't want you to take this the wrong way....but bubbles? Seriuosly. The ONLY way I could see that working is if the bubbles were like, poison gas balls or something of that nature.

This would make a great cartoon, but there just isn't enough for it to stand on its own. Original yes, but marketable, probably not.

This reminds me of a few movies most people have never seen. Its like a parody, like--Spiderplantman (no, that is a flick, so not joking), Meteor Man (again, great flick, not joking), Condorman, and....there's another one I can't name right now.

That being said, I think your story would be better with a little more fleshing out...for example...Hobie's boss should be way more of a butthole. I mean a total jerk. Hobie needs more of a reason than just getting fired. He needs to be on the friggin' brink. That is more believable.

It would also be a lot better if instead of Hobie calling himself the pin cushion man, everyone started calling him that. And like, if he had some type of shooting system set up to where he could just squeeze and the pin needles would come shooting out of his cushion shirt into the bad guys eyeballs and tummy. And then they could be poisoned, too. Like a nasty, gut wrenching, horrible painful death type of poison.

I am not trying to take over your story. These are just ideas for making it stronger. I do think Hobie needs to be much more abused...I mean bullied by everyone. You know, like what his name in the original Little Shop of Horrors---really nice guy, just picked on all the time. His job is the last thing holding up his sanity in a world of cruelty. Then he just FREAKING SNAPS, MAN!


PS: The only WWE star that should ever make a movie is The Rock. Not even the Hulkster should ever make another movie.

[dustinzgirl]

PPS: Would you like these moved to the critiques section or are you just sharing?

When you post in Aspiring writers, there is the critiques section which is for crits, the main AW thread which is for palaver, and the workshop, and the resources.

It might serve you better for ideas and opinions if I move all these to critiques, but I wanted to ask first because if you were just sharing then that would be rather forward of me, wouldn't it.