There is an humourous alternative ending to "The Empire Strikes Back" that has doing the rounds via email forwarding. I don't know who originally started it, I got it via one of the lists that I subscribe to, but I also found it here:
http://www.loganzweb.com/blog/archives/00000136.htm in a weblog dated 05/31/02 "Star Wars Recreated".
There are several slightly different versions. Anyway, it's very funny, whoever wrote it, so I'll pass it on:
I don't need to say that it has spoilers for TPM and AoTC do I?
Quote:
ALTERNATIVE ENDING: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
A furious light sabre duel is under way. DARTH VADER is forcing LUKE SKYWALKER back toward the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke looks round, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.
DARTH VADER: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father."
LUKE: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"
DARTH VADER: "No! I am your father!"
LUKE: "No, it's not true! It's impossible."
DARTH VADER: "Search your feelings; you know it to be true."
LUKE: "NO!"
DARTH VADER: "Yes, it is true and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?"
LUKE: "Threepio?"
DARTH VADER: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was seven years old."
LUKE: "No."
DARTH VADER: "Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp."
LUKE: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!"
DARTH VADER: "When you were 20! When I was 10 I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!"
LUKE: "Well, it's not my fault."
DARTH VADER: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith.. waahhh wahhh!'"
LUKE: "Shut up."
DARTH VADER: "You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!"
LUKE: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!"
DARTH VADER: "Oh, for the love of the Emperor! 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer, right here baby!"
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.
DARTH VADER: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine."
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks down after him.
DARTH VADER: "And get a haircut, you muppet!"
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The other version had
Quote:
LUKE: I worked hard on that moisture farm.
DARTH VADER: "You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!"
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6th September 2002, 11:41 AM
