Hitchhikers Guide to the Delta Quadrant - Page 2 - Science Fiction Fantasy Chronicles: forums

Dave · 14th May 2002, 02:41 PM

All my own work.

(except for the last one which is a tribute to 'Monty Python')

Highlander II · 17th May 2002, 03:53 AM

very good!!

even tho I never watch VOY - this was quite informative and very funny!!

do continue if you have more!

Dave · 19th May 2002, 12:01 PM

Belatedly, I've made this Introduction for our bestselling guidebook:

While a Delta Quadrant hitchiker faces unknown dangers in the uncharted space they must cross, the starship's crew must accomplish the journey without the benefit of Federation starbases to provide repairs, equipment, refueling and technology upgrades. They must always be on the lookout for new fuel and food sources to supplement their limited resources and friendly species to trade with. That's why everyone will find this guidebook of use.

Some visitors are rather like the Borg, just passing through on their way to somewhere else, albeit in a slower manner. They Warp through the subspace, seeing the star-filled expanse flashing by, with here and there an Minshara class planet in the distance to suggest a place of interest to draw the more curious back at a later date.

The really curious are more like the Kazon. They stay much longer in one place, venturing away form the main space-lanes, exploring planets and discovering what treasures they really hold. Then stealing it.

ray gower · 21st May 2002, 11:27 PM

Employment

It is inevitable that those attempting to see the Delta Quadrant on a handful of Credits, whether they be Travellers or Australian students doing the Galactic Tour in their Gap Year from Academy, will need to supplement their income whilst waiting for a local bank to clear a wire transfer of funds.

For these souls there is good news. As much of the Delta Quadrant is gainfully employed being unpleasant to each other, there are a wide range of temporary and not so temporary positions available. In most cases Work Permits are not required.

Places to Try

The planet Quara, in particular, with its major shortage of workers, will welcome hitch hikers in desperate need of supplementary income, with open arms. The free medical care is personal and second to none. They will also rapidly arrange a new identity, if you are in danger of remembering who you are, or in trouble with a Delta Quadrant law enforcement agency.

Australian students should try Markonian outposts for posts as barmen. The Markonian national sport, involving drunken brawling and hitting people for no readily apparent reason with a multi-limbed cricket bat, will make them feel quite at home.

For those particularly adept at thinking of obvious solutions in the most contrived and convulted fashion possible could try the 'Think Tank'. A small and select organisation that specialises in finding obscure solutions to problems that they have invented for others.

The post of Refuse Disposal Engineer on the planet Malon, may suit those in need of a large amount of cash and only a short lifespan to spend it in.

Anybody that can master three of the six basic methods of preparing Leola Root and posses an incredibly bad sense of dress; can try for a post as chef, either at one of the frequent Talaxian mining outposts, or on a Federation Star Ship. (helpful hint) On the latter Leola Root Curry is considered a great delicacy and is eatten with a high degree of decorum and ceremonial emptying of plates into the recycling plant.

Finally, if none of these appeals, then the post of Borg Drone is freely available at the nearest Transwarp Tunnel outlet.

Dave · 21st May 2002, 11:41 PM

:lol: :lol: :lol:

ray gower · 21st May 2002, 11:52 PM

So. When are you announcing the inaugural tour of Dave's Delta Travels?

Think we've covered nearly half of the Delta Quadrant

Dave · 23rd May 2002, 04:20 PM

Advertisement Feature.

Dave's Delta Tours

Cruising is the best vacation value!

There are cruise vacations to suit every budget. Your cruise fare includes all meals, your stateroom, on-board activities and entertainment, plus transportation from planet to planet. You’ll know what your vacation will end up costing you before you go. (Typically, your only extra expenses will be drinks, optional shore excursions, and personal services such as massage or hairstyling.)

Join me on the 'SS. Necessity', with it's 464-ft double deck, air-conditioned comfort, Latinum bar with beer-wine-mixed drinks and soft drinks, private charters available for up to 1146 passengers, Daily Tin Man trips.

I can offer itineraries from two months to three years or more and you can visit over 1,800 planets Galaxy-wide. You can even choose between traditional Warp-driven vessels or solar sail-assisted ships. Enjoy the endless activities offered on a contemporary resort-style cruise, or immerse yourself in the culture of a destination via a niche or special interest cruise (Klingon dress optional.)

For the explorer, there are cruise lines, which feature soft adventure expeditions to such unusual and rustic frontiers as Borg Space, the Void or Metreon Gas Clouds. Or discover historical legacies closer to home with enlightening itineraries to Qo'Nos, Romulus and Ferengar.

For experienced travelers, destination-focused cruises specialize in premium, culturally-rich ports of call with itineraries dedicated to illuminating such historic, world-class treasures as the antiquities of classical Bajor, the Alpha Quadrant paradise of Risa or the fabled splendor of the Iconian gateways.

For many, the perfect vacation includes the non-stop fun and sun of a tropical resort-style cruise to the next SuperNova, where you can sample a variety of planetary cultures and cuisines while working on a terrific sun tan.

ray gower · 23rd May 2002, 06:29 PM

:rolly2: :rolly2: Don't work in the travel trade do you?:rolly2: :rolly2:

In the mean time Where can I book?

Dave · 23rd May 2002, 09:40 PM

Are you saying that my advertisement didn't entice you to join a cruise? I thought it was quite good. I must apologise for that accident last year with the asteroid, but our safety record has improved no end. The antiquated Federation law, that enabled spaceship companies to fail to provide sufficient life-boats, to accommodate all the passengers and crew of the largest vessels in the event of such a disaster, has now been changed.

Highlander II · 24th May 2002, 03:40 AM

I loved your advert, Dave!

problem is - can't decide where I'd wanna go first!!

14th May 2002, 02:41 PM	#16 (permalink)
Dave Wherever I Am, I'm There Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Greater London Posts: 11,443	All my own work. (except for the last one which is a tribute to 'Monty Python')

17th May 2002, 03:53 AM	#17 (permalink)
Highlander II There can be only one!! Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Virginia Posts: 9,482	very good!! even tho I never watch VOY - this was quite informative and very funny!! do continue if you have more!

19th May 2002, 12:01 PM	#18 (permalink)
Dave Wherever I Am, I'm There Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Greater London Posts: 11,443	Belatedly, I've made this Introduction* for our bestselling guidebook:* While a Delta Quadrant hitchiker faces unknown dangers in the uncharted space they must cross, the starship's crew must accomplish the journey without the benefit of Federation starbases to provide repairs, equipment, refueling and technology upgrades. They must always be on the lookout for new fuel and food sources to supplement their limited resources and friendly species to trade with. That's why everyone will find this guidebook of use. Some visitors are rather like the Borg, just passing through on their way to somewhere else, albeit in a slower manner. They Warp through the subspace, seeing the star-filled expanse flashing by, with here and there an Minshara class planet in the distance to suggest a place of interest to draw the more curious back at a later date. The really curious are more like the Kazon. They stay much longer in one place, venturing away form the main space-lanes, exploring planets and discovering what treasures they really hold. Then stealing it.

21st May 2002, 11:27 PM	#19 (permalink)
ray gower Registered User Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Gwynedd Posts: 3,592	Employment It is inevitable that those attempting to see the Delta Quadrant on a handful of Credits, whether they be Travellers or Australian students doing the Galactic Tour in their Gap Year from Academy, will need to supplement their income whilst waiting for a local bank to clear a wire transfer of funds. For these souls there is good news. As much of the Delta Quadrant is gainfully employed being unpleasant to each other, there are a wide range of temporary and not so temporary positions available. In most cases Work Permits are not required. Places to Try The planet Quara, in particular, with its major shortage of workers, will welcome hitch hikers in desperate need of supplementary income, with open arms. The free medical care is personal and second to none. They will also rapidly arrange a new identity, if you are in danger of remembering who you are, or in trouble with a Delta Quadrant law enforcement agency. Australian students should try Markonian outposts for posts as barmen. The Markonian national sport, involving drunken brawling and hitting people for no readily apparent reason with a multi-limbed cricket bat, will make them feel quite at home. For those particularly adept at thinking of obvious solutions in the most contrived and convulted fashion possible could try the 'Think Tank'. A small and select organisation that specialises in finding obscure solutions to problems that they have invented for others. The post of Refuse Disposal Engineer on the planet Malon, may suit those in need of a large amount of cash and only a short lifespan to spend it in. Anybody that can master three of the six basic methods of preparing Leola Root and posses an incredibly bad sense of dress; can try for a post as chef, either at one of the frequent Talaxian mining outposts, or on a Federation Star Ship. (helpful hint) On the latter Leola Root Curry is considered a great delicacy and is eatten with a high degree of decorum and ceremonial emptying of plates into the recycling plant. Finally, if none of these appeals, then the post of Borg Drone is freely available at the nearest Transwarp Tunnel outlet.

21st May 2002, 11:41 PM	#20 (permalink)
Dave Wherever I Am, I'm There Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Greater London Posts: 11,443	:lol: :lol: :lol:

21st May 2002, 11:52 PM	#21 (permalink)
ray gower Registered User Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Gwynedd Posts: 3,592	So. When are you announcing the inaugural tour of Dave's Delta Travels? Think we've covered nearly half of the Delta Quadrant

23rd May 2002, 04:20 PM	#22 (permalink)
Dave Wherever I Am, I'm There Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Greater London Posts: 11,443	Advertisement Feature. Dave's Delta Tours Cruising is the best vacation value! There are cruise vacations to suit every budget. Your cruise fare includes all meals, your stateroom, on-board activities and entertainment, plus transportation from planet to planet. You’ll know what your vacation will end up costing you before you go. (Typically, your only extra expenses will be drinks, optional shore excursions, and personal services such as massage or hairstyling.) Join me on the 'SS. Necessity', with it's 464-ft double deck, air-conditioned comfort, Latinum bar with beer-wine-mixed drinks and soft drinks, private charters available for up to 1146 passengers, Daily Tin Man trips. I can offer itineraries from two months to three years or more and you can visit over 1,800 planets Galaxy-wide. You can even choose between traditional Warp-driven vessels or solar sail-assisted ships. Enjoy the endless activities offered on a contemporary resort-style cruise, or immerse yourself in the culture of a destination via a niche or special interest cruise (Klingon dress optional.) For the explorer, there are cruise lines, which feature soft adventure expeditions to such unusual and rustic frontiers as Borg Space, the Void or Metreon Gas Clouds. Or discover historical legacies closer to home with enlightening itineraries to Qo'Nos, Romulus and Ferengar. For experienced travelers, destination-focused cruises specialize in premium, culturally-rich ports of call with itineraries dedicated to illuminating such historic, world-class treasures as the antiquities of classical Bajor, the Alpha Quadrant paradise of Risa or the fabled splendor of the Iconian gateways. For many, the perfect vacation includes the non-stop fun and sun of a tropical resort-style cruise to the next SuperNova, where you can sample a variety of planetary cultures and cuisines while working on a terrific sun tan.

23rd May 2002, 06:29 PM	#23 (permalink)
ray gower Registered User Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Gwynedd Posts: 3,592	:rolly2: :rolly2: Don't work in the travel trade do you?:rolly2: :rolly2: In the mean time Where can I book?

23rd May 2002, 09:40 PM	#24 (permalink)
Dave Wherever I Am, I'm There Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Greater London Posts: 11,443	Are you saying that my advertisement didn't entice you to join a cruise? I thought it was quite good. I must apologise for that accident last year with the asteroid, but our safety record has improved no end. The antiquated Federation law, that enabled spaceship companies to fail to provide sufficient life-boats, to accommodate all the passengers and crew of the largest vessels in the event of such a disaster, has now been changed.

24th May 2002, 03:40 AM	#25 (permalink)
Highlander II There can be only one!! Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Virginia Posts: 9,482	I loved your advert, Dave! problem is - can't decide where I'd wanna go first!!