Do You Write Poetry?

[Redhawk]

Originally Posted by Tamageta

When she came within a breath of me,
Gasping with some unneededly suppressed laughter,
Me, complacent, started with a sudden and swift desire;
Started, shaken from my indifference that had been years growing,
At her smile-forming mouth, the lips - white teeth between them -
Pushing outwards tentatively, softly,
Unknowingly hinting at lasciviousness.

Your semi-unashamed laughter takes
Me in like dreams envelop me: taking shape
Around me, making me believe in things unkowable. Your
Arms are Earthbound angels' arms, formed fearfully
With a thousand black hairs that like underwater life
Lie with serene beauty.

M., you, like a mystic equation
Are more than the sum of your parts;
You become like heat in a desert's morning.

I like this a lot, but especially the last line...having spent time in the dunes...that line..totally gets me!

[Tamageta]

thankyou

[dustinzgirl]

Yes that is an awesome poem Tam

I love this line: Your semi-unashamed laughter takes...

Thats just coolness.

Redhawk: Excellent poem with a great epic fantasy feel. I really enjoyed it also.

[Redhawk]

Originally Posted by dustinzgirl

Yes that is an awesome poem Tam

I love this line: Your semi-unashamed laughter takes...

Thats just coolness.

Redhawk: Excellent poem with a great epic fantasy feel. I really enjoyed it also.

Dustinz! Girl! I see you have a new "look" pretty spiffy with a kick azz glamor to it!

Thanks for the compliment. I wrote it to go with the book. I just posted chapter 1 of Book two. Book one is with an editor now...crossing my fingers and toes. I can fix what ever needs fixing, I'm just praying they have enough hook and can carry a reader through! :::shivering in my timbers on that:::::: Great to "see" you!

[Chacha]

The deceiving land

And there! Above the mountains, but bowing to the clouds
Was a river of glowing gold encased in a silver shroud
Bushes that grew deep and ferns that grew tall
Grass that grew wide and water that would fall

O so beautiful was this place of serenity
It dwarfed all lands, visions and seas

But to the side there came a darkening fog
Rising above putrid water and caressing a sickly bog
There were trees that stood high but void of life, it seemed
Roses were black, the air look like poison to breathe

O so wicked was this place of black
It cast a shadow on those who refused to turn back

They were many who bathed in the sparkling pools
But little did they see, for they were fools
Painted into the clouds was a horned head and a red hand
And the waterfalls froze, fire sprung up in each crevice of the land

O those poor souls failed to see
The places of wonder are not always what they look to be

There were few who traveled along the murky road
And before their eyes a light of brilliant colors showed
And they traveled on guided by the loving face in the sky
Along a road of gold and life that would never die

O those wise folk could see
That places of evil are not always what they look to be

And away went those with the horned beast
And the land turned back to a deceiving peace
But those who followed the grinning face
Slept in a gated kingdom; an everlasting harmonic place.

[dustinzgirl]

I thought that was lovely. Nice work on imagery, Chacha!

[Tamageta]

Chacha, I was impressed in some ways by your poem. It had a nice 'ballad' feel to it, like you were telling a story. It was a bit mysterious: could you shed more light on its themes? I thought it felt quite epic, and would fit in well in some sort of fantasy story.

Here's another short poem by me. It's about someone I've unexpectedly fallen in love with (something I haven't felt for a long time). I tried to express my feelings and her but it's always hard to get an accurate picture of one's true feelings.

Girl Who is as Soft Rain

Girl of the secret smile between glances;
of the held-too-long stare;
of the twilight eyes that shine with bright greyness
and subdued sapphire;
of the small hands whose strength is in their tirelessness.
Girl of the unaccountable desire to make things straight and clean, whose
soft arms and shapely calves carry her burdens
like a weary joy.

Melancholy girl, who gently
ran an arrow through my astonished heart!

[Chacha]

Thanks Dustinzgirl and tamageta - glad you enjoyed it.


Tamageta -- it is difficult to convey feelings to paper exactly how you want, but you did an awesome job here. Love the wording, good job!

[its_me_duh_X-P]

A Dripping Drop

The sensation begins its treacherous journey,
crawling up slowly, torturous, squirmy.
Boiling hott burning your eyes,
overwhelms them compleatly untelling your lies.
Bluring your vision you try to hold back,
but they over power and seep through the crack.
Scorching and blazing a trail down your face,
leaving it smoldering and you a disgrace.
You swallow hard though it wont subside,
the choking suffication that you cannot hide.
Slow and painful it blisters burning down,
stops for a moment to stare at your frown.
It shows not hatered but hope then fleas,
it glides to your chin you fall to your knees.
The drop has dripped from your chin it falls,
it makes its departure from inside your walls.
All your anger contaned in a tiny vessle,
it falls through the air not traped by a trestle.
It stops its desent smothering its captive,
the frown on your face is no longer adaptive.
You stand and look up the sun on your face,
its warm and inviting no longer a disgrace.

yes i know i cant spell get over it lol...omg i totally didnt even mean to rhyme there lol

[mirinda]

ETERNALLY

Black rain falls down as life’s eternal sound. The world spins before me hazy; time moves so quickly tell me how can this life be. Forgotten are those we lost forever gone beneath the sea, wash away your tears you’re blinded by your fears, we are our own worst enemies, destroying piece by piece the world we throw away carelessly, but you and I will always be. Together we must move on soon I s a new day’s dawn, a ray of light shines through the black now moving forward and never looking back. All that starts must meet an end beyond this life we’ll meet again. Keep your hope and trust your faith until the end of our life’s race. Together we will always be, you and I eternally.

Untitled

The shadow comes it’s moving fast there’s darkness overhead. I hear her cries from far away while I’m snuggled in my bed. There’s no denying what she feels the pain is far too strong, please don’t let go please just hang on. She kills herself more each I can’t bare to watch, she slowly starts to fade away and soon she’ll be gone. They’ll talk about her they’ll whisper but won’t admit the truth, they could have helped but then they’re lost too. Don’t tell me you know how my feel, you can’t possibly understand. Don’t tell me that you’re sorry I don’t need you to hold my hand.

[dustinzgirl]

Originally Posted by its_me_duh_X-P

A Dripping Drop

The spelling isn't that bad, really. But, I don't like the repetition of "it" you can take that word out of every line and it would be much better. Decent poem, even so!

Originally Posted by mirinda

ETERNALLY

Untitled

.

Miranda, these are good. Work on grammar and they would be excellent.

[mirinda]

Thanks for your comments dustinzgirl, grammar isn't my forte but hey i figure if i ever get rich and famous i can hire someone to do that for me lol.

[dustinzgirl]

Originally Posted by mirinda

Thanks for your comments dustinzgirl, grammar isn't my forte but hey i figure if i ever get rich and famous i can hire someone to do that for me lol.

No worries, I suck at grammar too. Its all in the reading it outloud and learning to time yourself as you write.

[its_me_duh_X-P]

Oh wow ty i appretiate that... question though are an english teacher lol

[its_me_duh_X-P]

ill revise it and send it to u k lol