Do You Write Poetry?

[Dexter]

It's a paean to a wonderful plant and a worthy bit of poetry. Of course I'm new at this, so I can't speak for the structure. So I won't. I like it.

[Dexter]

I Will Not Last

I gazed upon the stars last night
Transfixed beneath their mortal light
And trembled at their ashen fate
For I could see our common plight

Entropy is our last estate
But I’ll be gone before that date
What of me will survive my end
That will not rot or fade away

How long will tales be told by friends
Of my many shenanigans
Beyond those first horrendous tears
When they’re finally on the mend

I grew calm as my mind ran clear
I shouldn’t hold those thoughts so dear
Those foolish polyps of my fear
Are nothing more and I am here

Whew. My first poem was very easy compared to this. I don't know how you poets do it. I have hammered away at this thing for better than 14 hours over three days. Does that sound normal to you all? Or am I just slow? Anyway, it is a cheerier poem than my first one. The question is: is it a good poem?

[Nesacat]

Ben ... poetry is very relative. The rules are fluid and feelings rule more than anything else it would seem; unless you choose a firm form such as a haiku or sonnet. Even then, rules aside, it's what the poem makes you feel that wins the day. In that sense yours is a good poem. You need to work on the flow. Move some of the commas. But aside from that I liked it and yes, it did mean something.

Pyan ... brought a smile to my face it did. An ode to a small, tiny things that might otherwise go unnoticed among others so much more splendid. I like the wistfulness and the reference to a more wondrous, fantastical past. As Ben said, you've hit the right note Elder God.

Dexter ... I don't think it's ever easy even when the words flow faster than you can get them down on paper. It still takes a piece of you and puts it out there for everyone to see. And that is never easy. This one flows much better. There's a rhythm that is easy to slip into and yes, it's lighter while also being quite thoughtful. I like that you acknowledge and accept and then move on.

[HardScienceFan]

*The Siberian Husky barks happily*
Thanks Nesa.No long considerations go into such verse of mine.
I get a 'poetry attack',and type them out in a minute or two,three
I am afraid that if I keep shaving away on the piece,the original feeling gets lost

[Nesacat]

Ben ... don't keep shaving away at it. Get it out of you and on paper first.

[j. d. worthington]

First thing to do is to get the thought down... then you work at the structure. It is what (at least most of) the best poets have always done.

And Dexter... no, that doesn't sound unusual. Some poets were able to knock out several pieces in an evening, now and again. Others took years over a small handful. It depends on the writer, and on what they're working on.

[Dexter]

Thanks j.d. I was worried. It was fun doing it, but it was hard.

I'm guessing from the lack of interest that the form of the poem is alright, but the content is so-so. I'm thinking that it needs to be expanded a bit as I might've wrapped it up too abruptly. But I'll leave that for another time. When I have fresher eyes.

[HardScienceFan]

LOVE
exclamation mark
dedicated to all those who have known,know or will know that most remarkable of emotions

will you love me
when i've broken
your treasured pieces of china
vomited over your favourite dress
when i am being a whiner
and my head is a mess

will you push my wheelchair
across a sordid crowded room
rebut all pitying glances
dispel the encroaching gloom
and take unnecessary chances?

will you love me
when I'm sad,and down and out
gruesome demons attack me in the night
and caressing words are not bandied about,
darkness triumphant over the light

will you love me
when that love causes you some pain
and endless toil and trouble
you have perhaps nothing to gain
except perhaps seeing my love double

[Allegra]

Well done, Ben, Dexter and pyan, I like all of your poems! I'm no critic but I suppose poetry is the closest thing to music, therefore it should be tuneful, soulful and hearty. Your poems have all the right elements!

[Nesacat]

Ben ... it's got heart and you've got the feelings down. You just need to work on the flow. It's a little jagged right now and that breaks the rhythm. Trim some of the words and it'll flow much better.

[Moonbat]

I didn't join this forum fro poetry, but I do write poetry and have done for a while. I afraid this makes me a bit of a poetry snob.
But thought I might as well post one.

Avalon


Far from Avalon I rest
The rough sea lies between
Each gasp, each necessary breath
And my solitary dream

Where can I go
To escape this moan
To placate this wasting
Irreplaceably slow
Irrefutable latency
That hastens me so

Let us sweat for our whitest wail,
Les us hunt our monster regrets
Parsing sonic sweeps across lakes
And believing, just let us quest!

[mirinda]

I like it Moonbat. It flows very well.
Ben I love the story in yours.
Dexter that one flows much better than the other it was very easy to dive into. I liked it.

[Dexter]

Thank you Allegra, mirinda. Yeah, I like the flow better too. I'm thinking that I might brave a rewrite of the last quatrain, but not any time soon. I'd rather play with something new right now. Who woulda thunk it? Me and poetry. If you knew me, I think you'd laugh. It makes me laugh (at myself, mostly).

Welcome, Moonbat, and I like your poem. Your composite structure has me thinking.

Nice poem, Ben.

[ragnarblackmane]

Here are two poems I've recently written, here to receive some feedback on whether it's poorly done or barely acceptable:


Alone


It glides across the sullen sky, alone,
unknowing of its destination, simply flying
and it weeps accordingly, for it has sown
its reckoning and damnation on its own.

Nothing and nobody shall ever be
able to comprehend its lonely cry,
the ways its inflection of voice decree
its melancholic sadness in an azure sky.

Forever and ever does it roam,
starved of love and affection.
Never to regain a place back home,
where it might find guidance and direction.

Never will it know the peace inherent of death,
for it will always remain, festering like a sore
and in pain it will ache and forever give breath
to the loneliness, to the depths of its very core.

It glides across the sullen sky, alone,
unknowing of its destination, simply flying
and it weeps accordingly, for it has sown
its reckoning and damnation on its own.



Lady in White (This poem was, oddly enough, inspired by a dream I experienced nearly a week ago. Keep in mind that I haven't actually finished the poem yet.)


The love of my life, this Lady in White,
she who makes me feel so happy and right.
What qualities does she possess that so
lures my affection to the threshold of her glow?
Her beauty is great and knows no bounds
and the wind twirls her bountiful hair round and round.

But what is her name and how do I know her at this hour?
How could I win the hand of so gorgeous a flower?

Flowing white gown, twisting in the autumn breeze ,
a fair maiden she seems to be, and at such ease
in the naivete she plays, innocently as she will.
My heart yearns for her oh so lovely hand,
so that on her finger I may place a wedding band.

Her face, smiling the sweetness of perfect innocence,

[Tillane]

Certainly above barely acceptable, ragnar. "Alone" is very nicely done; well paced, quite emotionally charged. I like it a lot.

And now, as the Pythons had it, for something completely different. Written shortly after the break-up of my last relationship, a nice bit of miserabilism...

Where Now, My Heart?


No goodbyes.
I stood alone,
Bereft,
Watched you walked away.
Engulfed by sorrow,
A ghost among the crowd,
I turned and left.
Waited for my heart to follow.

No asylum for this poor soul;
No sanctuary
Within this self-imposed isolation;
Space only for my own tortured thoughts.
Captive to my heart;
Cut off from the world
By walls of guilt and regret.
All ties severed.

What now for my heart?
Where to go that conscience,
Regret,
Cannot follow?
Only to pass
From one cold, dark place
Of my own making
To another: darker, but less icy.

Or else
To let my heart cool to stone,
And continue,
Devoid of care and regret.
Hollow,
All emotion stripped away.
A life without life,
Without love.

Or harder still;
To welcome the pain and loss,
Clothe it in some new garb
And live on
With all the faults,
Memories,
Hopes
At my disposal.

To hold myself open to it all;
Loss, pain,
Regret,
But also love;
Dare to begin another journey,
Find another destination
For my fragile,
Love-ravaged heart.