Charles Jupiter - a ripping space yarn.

[Dave]

This is one of the first things that I ever, ever wrote. Seems like the right place to put it. Completely nonsense. (so Skip will like it!)

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Charles Jupiter, the infamous gambler, with extra-ordinary psychic powers, was returning from his lunch appointment at the Mars Bar, with his clone and the Czechoslovakian business associate known for his popular spy thrillers. Charles once saved his life when an alien’s pet escaped and threatened to devastate the city’s infrastructure.

Back at his laboratory, he is intrigued by a curious 40-hertz hum and the smell of Ascetic Acid. He suddenly notices that the flasks of EDTA complexes are missing, and that the activity scores of the mice in the open field test are exceptional low today. While he is unlocking his grav-bike to leave, hordes of Barbarians, carrying pixie hats and programmable toasters, rush by shouting “Blancmange, Blancmange!”

The next morning, his assistant, Miss Clark finds only that the chart of gas volumes have not been corrected to STP. Too terrified to tell anyone, she thrusts a hunting knife deep into her dorsal aorta. Detective-Superintendent Wilson Andrews suspects foul play. He becomes suspicious later that day, when a strange one legged, dark-haired, paranormal investigator, with a false cockney accent visits the police station. His wife, Joan, is slowly turning invisible and makes an appointment with Doctor Smyth, an elephant trainer in his spare time. Almost a week later, he meets Charles at a concert with the Heavy Mithril rock group “Death No Save.” He reveals that he is leaving in an hour, to begin mining on an interesting close-approach minor planet in the Asteroid Belt.

While outside, clouds of concentrated Sulphuric Acid form, and 200 mph winds sweep through the planet’s deserted valleys. Charles only just leaps the 60-foot gorge to safety, before an enormous space-monster turns the corner. He dodges into the doorway of the space farer’s tavern; a moment before its chest opens up and a laser carbine shoots directly at him. However, he slips and falls into the path of an eagle diving from the next building. The pavement folds back to reveal a secret underground complex, and Charles jumps down, too late to avoid being carried away by a rushing river of foam. The torrent becoming ever faster carries him for miles with creatures snapping at his feet, until he manages to scramble up onto the side.

Meanwhile, the police find the test-tube of flu vaccine and the early Cambrian graptolite fossil in the pocket of Charles’ jacket. This leads them to the spaceport just in time to see the sports car turn a corner and speed out of control at Charles. At that very moment, bombers swoop down to bomb the last pockets of resistance. The only ship leaving is a merchant free trader bound for Barnard’s Star, and Charles only just makes it.

Almost immediately, poisonous gases begin to fill the compartment, but Charles escapes by being transported through time and fantastic psychedelic light patterns by the evil Count Dalvar. He finds himself imprisoned together with the beautiful hairspray model that works for a children’s charity.

Later, there is a knock at the airlock door, and the Chief Constable is found in a pool of salad cream with the word ‘parallelepipeds’ scratched beside him. Charles was the only person who knew that he was actually the Purple Avenger.

Charles falls in love with the model, who is to be sacrificed at sunset unless someone can answer the riddle the Count has asked, but he finds out she is really his long lost sister.

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What do think of it as a possible film plot?

[Skip]

.......I think I can sell it to the big cheese if you loan me a lenght of duct tape, a purple paperclip, three varying elastic bands and a smaaaaaaall aubergiene..... Oh and a BFG!

Hehe you right I did love it Dave, thanks!

[Dave]

Even McGuyver couldn't sell it using those ordinary household objects!

[Highlander II]

ahem -- it's "MacGyver" (little pet peeve of mine)

and - oh yes he could! he can sell anything -- he's just that charming!! (biased opinion - HUGE MacGyver fan!! )

i liked it --- nonesense is fun!!

[jsc]

Yes, it is delightful nonsense! I enjoyed it Dave... think I am going to haunt this section!

[jsc]

Hello DAVE! Are you doing more fic...PLEASE!

[Dave]

Yes, but it's all been here:

http://www.ascifi.com/forums/forumdi...hp?forumid=107