What do you want for Christmas?

[Aardie]

Evil woman!

[Shaun]

Originally posted by Shaun
If there was anyone near the stargate, they would have seen a small, curled up figure weeping uncontrollably. Now allowing himself to cry and ultimately feel.

How could I have done that? Turning down the prettiest Go'auld ever to come onto me, not that Apophis wasn't particularly pretty, he just wasn't my type. No use crying over spilt milk, plus with my looks and charm there's no way anyone with a tiny sliver of good taste could resist me.
Shaun wiped the tears from his eyes still picturing the scantily clad Anise down below (ok, the Anise he pictured still had all of her head intact, a lot more attractive that way) and headed for the DHD. He dialed his only friend left, technically he wasn't a friend but Shaun hadn't stabbed him in the back (yet) so that counts.... right?

As Shaun stepped through the glowy wet circle thingy he saw JAD just in front of him talking avidly to the little accomplice of his. Wow, thought Shaun, Shaz must really love me. She came all this way to the only place I could go in the vain hope that I would turn up. Gosh I'm good.
Unfortunately for our favourite swashbuckling hero, when Shaz turned around and saw him she wasn't wearing the adoring face he'd come to expect.
"Uh, hi guys..." Shaun muttered nervously.

[shazstar]

(ha - lol @ Shaun u wish buddy)

* * *

"YOU!!!!" Shaz screeched, murderous anger apparent on her face,
"I am gonna rip you apart with my bare hands you little traitor, you man whore you!"

Shaun squealed in fright as Shaz launched herself at him with inch long nails vying for his blood, covering his head protectively as he huddled on the ground next to the stargate. When the screaming abruptly stopped, he looked up fearfully to see JAD forcibly restraining Shaz from him.

"Phew", Shaun thought, "I can handle Goauld torture with ease, but the wrath of a woman scorned - God help me!"

Shaz was struggling to break free of JAD, and to be honest, he was having some difficulty.

"Shaz - this my homeworld and believe it or not, Shaun is always welcome here regardless of his foolish actions, he is an ally that we truly need right now." JAD preached to Shaz who was looking between the two of them in utter amazement and angry disbelief.

"Now when I let you go," Josh warned her, "I expect you both to behave yourselves, the last thing we need going in to this battle is to have you two fighting."

Shaz reluctantly nodded and Shaun sighed in relief.

JAD released Shaz and for a second there Shaun was sure she was gonna attack him again, but instead Shaz merely fired a look that could kill at him before stepping back to stand with Josh.

"So its begun then?" Shaun said softly, looming at JAd for confirmation of what he had been dreading.

"Yes", JAD sighed wearily, "it has. I recieved reports from our operatives aboard the Mothership that the entire fleet have begun on the course to the ascifi galaxy. They are expected to be here within weeks."

"This is worse than we thought." Shaun said solemnly. "I was unable to find out anything of use to me from Anise, unfortunetly I had to kill her before I could begin any kind of effective torture."

"yeah" thought Shaz, "I'll bet she proved useful to your more personal needs though" Shaz bit back the retort that Shaun deserved.

"Likewise, Shelby of Canberra is unaware of the danger we all face. She is currently entertaining Cat, the SG1 team and Chris, Squire and Gatecon on her homeworld." Shaz informed them.

"Then is time. We must send out the message to all ascifi members, we must hold an emergency galaxy breifing as we decide how to proceed." JAD turned to Shaz and Shaun.

"Now is the time to put your differences with each other, and the others, aside. We must join together to fight this evil threat, before they annihalate our existance. Shaz, you and Shaun must travel to Shelby's world. Bring her and the others back here as soon as possible. I will send word for the travelling members of Ascifi to come at once. We must join together before it is too late!"

Shaz and Shaun looked at each other - anger forgotten.

As Shaun began to dial up Canberra, Shaz turned to JAD and asked softly.

"What should I tell them?" Shaz searched Josh's face for some kind of emotion.

"Tell them..." Josh's face was grim.

"Tell them, Channel Seven has declared war and is coming to destory us."

* * * * * * * * *

Now if that ain't a massive invite for everyone here to join in the story, I don't know what is.

[Aardie]

As Shaz, Shaun and JAD talk amongst themselves, they do not notice a tiny microphone on the back of a cockroach hidden under the table.

Back in Brisbane, Aardie - Mistress of Gitwyia, Leader of Conspiracies Inc (a tale for another time, people....) listens to the news, and muses to herself and the Minion that is sitting next to her.

"So it has begun."

Aardie turns to her computer and looks up the specifications of the ship that is coming towards Earth. As she reads over blue prints and specifications, she notices a slight anomaly.

The entire ship is covered with a thin film of ..... creamed asparagus.

The Minion looks at the stunned expression on Aardie's face. "What does this mean, Mistress Aardie?"

"About three years ago, on the Season 7 finale of The X-Files, Australia was about to be overtaken by a group of intergalactic ducks called the Dissiducks. It was a bloody battle - many lives were lost due to their pursuit of being able to wear pants with holes in the back so that their tails would fit. These ducks will use any excuse to try and take over Earth to be able to achieve their goals. According to this visual provided by JAD, it makes sense that Channel 7 is in league with the Dissiducks - Outlaws of the Universe, Scourge of the Mistresses, and All-Round Nasty Stuff."

Gasps were heard all througout the underground facility known as Conspiracies Inc. Aardie took this opportunity to turn to her Minions and proclaim their course of action:

"Minions, Spacemonkeys, and Earthlings: the gasps that I am hearing are those of fear. What will happen? Will we be consumed like a star in the jaws of the clouds? Will this plague of evil consume Earth in a sticky translucent goo of creamed asparagus? Or will we stand up to them, our fears being swallowed and our anger and passion for this world fuelling the fire that burns in our hearts? Channel 7 is not an innocent player in this conspiracy, however we must not allow our hatred to just be thrown at them. This is a conspiracy of galactic proportions.

"There is a swarm of intergalactic ducks. Ducks that are determined to take over our planet. Ducks that believe that they can act with the authority and intelligence of humans. Now, will we mourn that Stargate is not on our televisions? Yes. Will we feel anger towards Channel 7 for being stupid enough to be run by ducks? Yes. But will we lament these events and sit on our butts and await world domination? NEVER!

"It is up to us and the Earthlings to stop this. Who will fight?"

[Shaun]

"How bad is it?" Shaz asked a little nervously after the silence that had been between her and Shaun since JAD let loose the devastating news.
"How can I put this, I had no problem whipping the replicators, or beating the Nazis to recover the ark of the covenant, or even," he shuddered, "turning down Anise." He finished in the one breath. "But channel seven is unstoppable. Last time I went up against them, I barely got away with my life."
'Ahh, but this time they have to face me. They don't stand a chance.' Shaz thought.
"Unfortunately my sidekick wasn't so lucky. He sacrificed himself to save me." Shaun’s answer tinged with regret.
"I'm so sorry, who was it, if I may ask?" Shaz enquired, sincerely taken aback.
"I can't be expected to remember every person’s name that I meet." From the look Shaz shot at him, he tried a litle harder to remember. "Uh, it's right on the tip of my tongue. You know... that guy... speaks English... tall, I think... named after a dead thing... got it. His name was Dodo, no wait thats not it. Was it Pterodactyl? No, I think it was Raptor. Gee I wonder if they'e killed him or just kept him imprisoned all this time."

[ShelbyS]

"Imprisoned? How could you not know Shaun? How could you leave a friend like that to die in the depths of the Channel 7 basement?"

Shaun stopped and turned to Shaz, the light of the open wormhole reflecting on their faces. "I had no choice Shaz. It was either him or Season 5 of Stargate. You should be hapy, he gave up his life so that we could see the fifth season."

"But you're not sure if he's dead or not?" Shaz asked, her eyes narrowing in contemplation.

"No, I'm not totally sure. I never saw a body. But how could anyone survive being held inside Channel 7. For all we know they could have brainwashed Raptor. He could be playing for their side."

"Or he could be our man on the inside," Shaz suggested. "If Raptor is alive and he is being held inside Channel 7 he may still be fighting on our side."

"Shaz it's a nice thought. But don't get your hopes up. Now c'mon, we have an army to collect."

With that Shaun turned and stepped inside the shimmering puddle, Shaz following closely behind.

[Shaun]

Hmm, maybe I bit off more than I could chew saying I would add something to this mish mosh of ideas. I still need to have a clue about whats going on it it yet... (not that I have for the past couple of entries but it helps).

[shazstar]

I am inspired, had no idea shelby and u had snuck in those last two entries. will be back shortly, must consult my muse!

[ShelbyS]

I'm still holding out for some more Shaun/Shaz ship.

[shazstar]

:eek7:


keep holding out there shelbs.....keep holding out

[ShelbyS]

Mwhahahahahahaha.....

:evil:

[shazstar]

Meanwhile in Canberra the mood had turned sombre. Jackers (her current alias, she also goes by the name of cookies) had travelled to the gate from distant Queensland bringing grave news, her spies in Channel Seven's ranks had sent word that Seven had aquired a dangerous new weapon. Unfortunately they disappered before they could abandon the mission and come home, but they did send a message before ceasing contact. Unable to decipher the message, Jackers had come to Canberra to enlist the help of SG1, Shelby and the gang.

"This is the strangest code I have ever seen, once rearranged it resembles pictographs", mused Daniel.

"Yes,", agreed Cat, "Look at the arrangements, when you think there are patterns you chase a dead end."

"Who were the operatives, Jackers?" asked Shelby. "Anyone from Ascifi?"

Jackers looked up sadly. "Yes, you may remember them. JSC and Texanne. Two of the best! They used to frequent the boards but many years ago went underground on this mission. Its kind of a Charlie and the angels thing, I never see them, just recieve and send messages."

"HOLY HANNAH!" yelled Gatecon in suprise. Everybody looked up startled at the sudden exclamation. "JSC and Texanne! I know what the code is!"

"You do?" asked Shelby in suprise.

"YES! THE SMILIE ONLY THREAD! THAT IS THE KEY! We had a secret agreement, that if one day something needed to be said in code, then we would use this thread! That is the answer!"

"Quick, Cat get online, you need the practice anyway!" yelled Shelby!

Cat was lightning fast for someone so rusty in her posting ability, within seconds the ascifi long buried smilie only thread had resurfaced and Gatecon was breaking the code faster than Daniel could say 'Da Vinci'.

"I have it!" cried Gatecon triumphantly. Everybody gathered around, Shelby, Squire and Cat all jostling for prime position, next to Jack.

"The message says..."

"UNAUTHORISED INCOMING WORMHOLE!" Klaxons in the castle blared, strangely enough to the tune of da da, da da da da da, da da da da da, da, da da da da. Sam whistled along.

"Who could that be...." muttered Shelby. She hurried over to her surveillance cam. Shaz and Shaun peered up at the camera, with grave looks on their faces.

"Its Shaun and Shaz!"

A suprised murmer arose in the crowd. Squire and Gatecon exchanged nervous looks, worried about Shaz's attraction to their stargate booty hidden in the castle.

"I will get them and click them here" said Gatecon, and with three clicks of his red ruby heels he was standing in front of Shaz and Shaun.

Shaun and Shaz did not notice his sudden presence, they were currently squabbling over some cookie dough icecream Shaz had brought with her in an Asguard freeze container.

Gatecon cleared his throat and they looked up in suprise. "The time is late, you must come with me now to Shelby's castle."

"Gatecon, we bring bad news" cried Shaz, " and I also bring bad company. You remember Shaun, my rather untrustworthy snaky deceptive sidekick!"

"And of course you remember Shaz, my pyscho and kleptomaniac of a partner who did try over and over again to steal your stargate items!" retailiated Shaun with a glare at Shaz.

"There is no time for that" Gatecon explained, "I am about to read a top secret message brought by Jackers from JSC and Texanne who are missing in action in under undercover mission infiltrating channel seven's ranks! Come!" And before they could react, he grabbed both Shaun and Shaz and with three clicks they were in the castle.

"We bring warning from JAD!" explained Shaun. "Channel Seven are on their way in ships to destroy us, they have declared war!"

Everybody gasped, but Gatecon interrupted the panic. "Its worse than that..."

Eyes turned and silence fell and with baited breath the group awaited the bombshell he was about to drop.

"The message is brief but enough. They have a deadly new weapon! Channel Seven has taken the time-looping machine and modified it for war... OH MY GOD!" with a strangled gasp he fainted dead on the floor.

Shelby stepped forward and retrieved the fallen message, read it quickly and promptly dropped the paper in shock and fear.

"They intend to use it upon us, to make us live the same day over and over, and, and..."

She paused to compose herself, the tension in the room was at breaking point.

"They have programmed a Heartbeat marathon!"

[shazstar]

Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha. :evil:

[Shaun]

Noooooooooo. I'd completely forgotten about Heartbeat.

Originally posted by shazstar
"Who could that be...." muttered Shelby. She hurried over to her surveillance cam. Shelby and Shaun peered up at the camera, with grave looks on their faces.

"Its Shaun and Shaz!"

Hmmm, it appears that everyone wants a copy of me, I shouldn't be too surprised though .

[ShelbyS]

Hehe, nice Shaz.

@ Shaun