Dumb Things Said In Court

[mac1]

These are all taken from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters. How did they keep from laughing while these were all taking place? Some people really are dumb! ;D

Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year

Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which! .
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Would you repeat that question, please?

Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
A: I resent that question.

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?

Q. Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition that sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?
A: OK.
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

[brian]

I really did laugh out loud with some of those. ;D

The pathologists especially have an apparently sharp sarcastic wit.

[Habernakle]

LOL!!! Gods and demons alike! Some of those, well, all of those things were such stupid things to say!

Q. Are you quilified to give a urine sample?

??? Was he talking to a doctor or a lawyer?

[Rosemary]

OH just brilliant, thought they were all very funny!

It makes you wonder though, there are people like that in this world?

[zorcarepublic]

I loved this one:

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

[kyektulu]

LOL... they were hilarious! thanks for posting!
Made me laugh loads.

[don sky]

These have officially made my day! LOL

[Wolfeborn]

Brilliant v funny!

[iratebeaver]

YOu know there was one in west virginia. this detective drew a map.

Q:where did you draw this
A: I done did drawled it right here.

[RJM Corbet]

Just found this old thread:
(A little knowledge is a dangerous thing?)

[Starbeast]

Nice going RJM Corbet, and to Mac1, where ever you are.

I really like that last one, great zinger!

[paranoid marvin]

Slightly deaf Judge to defendant : Have you anything more to say before I pass sentence?

Defendant : Bugger all

Slightly deaf judge to usher : What did the defendant say then?

Usher : He said 'bugger all' your Honour

Slightly deaf judge to usher : That's strange , I'm sure I saw his lips move

[gully_foyle]

Thanks for reviving this one, it's good to have a larf on a Friday arvo.

[telford]

Good going guys. This one got me.

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which! .
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Laugh slowly, but for a while.

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

Originally Posted by telford

Good going guys. This one got me.

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which! .
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Laugh slowly, but for a while.

Yes, it seems he's been living with the parent ten years before his birth.....

Dear gods, one you should be able to remember how old your son is, and two, well....you get the idea.