new fic....Death Valley - Science Fiction Fantasy Chronicles: forums

Jessa · 26th August 2001, 12:26 PM

Hi, this is only my second fic, so i would very much apprieciate a little help.

"Ok, Daniel." Jack O'Neill said as he picked himself up off the ground. "lets go. No more of you holding us up, with those damned rocks of yours." Daniel rolled his eyes at Sam who coughed to hide a laugh.

"They're artifacts, Jack! ARTIFACTS!" Daniel stooped to gather the bundle of pieces of broken pottery and put them in his rucksack.

"What ever." Jack replied, shrugging. "lets go." and with that, he led his team away from the huge stone building and across the valley floor of P3S-562.

"you know, i translated some of the text on the walls of that building back there," Daniel said and he turned to indicate the small bump on the horizon. "it said this valley was called Death Valley by the locals. Do you wanna know why?"

Jack shook his head. "I have the feeling we will know soon enough anyway." Daniel glared at him , then carried on.

"It said most of the population of Zairne, this planet, lived in this valley, then one night, roughly three quarters disappeared with out a trace. no footprints, evidence of a ship landing, nothing." Sam looked at him.

"Well theres a tale to tell your grandchildren" she remarked, earning herself an annoyed look from her CO

"i believe i make the stupid remarks around here Major" he said. Sam looked hurt

"It wasn't meant to be stupid." she muttered as she dropped behind to walk with Teal'c. The rest of the journey to the Stargate was made in silence.

"Daniel would you please dial up?" Jack asked when they reached the 'gate. Daniel made no signs of moving. he was staring at a point in the distance. Jack came to stand by him. he could make out several moving shapes on the horizon. and they were moving VERY quickly.

"What on earth..." he muttered. "Carter DIAL US UP!!" Sam jumped at his shout, but she hurried over to the DHD and began to punch in Earths co-ordinates. "Carter hurry...." but the Colonel didn't finish. Sam looked over her shoulder, but what was there made her cry out in fear and it froze her to the spot.

First part finished. plis tell me what u think.

Jessa:blpaw:

Anni · 26th August 2001, 12:35 PM

Well there's a place to finish........ !!!! Keep going you fool!!!

Jessa · 26th August 2001, 12:37 PM

i like to see the readers on the edge of their seats. it makes them want to read more. your just gonna have to wait.:evil: :evil: :evil:

Jessa:blpaw:

Gemsong · 26th August 2001, 01:16 PM

Please continue.

Anni · 26th August 2001, 01:43 PM

Wow that was so cool Gemmie!!!!

Next time though say...... "Pray continue......" That has even more chutzpah!!!

So Jessa.......

PRAY CONTINUE!!!!

:evil:

skydiver · 26th August 2001, 03:31 PM

jessa, the technical term for what you just did is cliffhanger...and nothing ticks off hte mob more than dangling off a cliff for a while...to misquote oliver twist 'please jessa can i have some more???'

pamie · 26th August 2001, 07:20 PM

Jessa,

Hey I really like this one....but please post more soon

You know what the mob is like we won't wait for nobody:evil:

BTW: Anni love the avatar and title under your name....Grrrr:evil:

Anni · 26th August 2001, 09:35 PM

LOL, I hope that wasn't Grrrr:evil: you're mad at me for being Chronos' love slave Nobody else wants him...... and he's all MINE!!!!

ALL MINE I TELLS YA!!!!!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

Gemsong · 26th August 2001, 11:03 PM

I see it's time to up Anni's medication again

Anni · 27th August 2001, 05:05 AM

Awww!!!! :blush: :blush:

*Rushes off to get another dose of Chronos!*

:evil: :evil:

pamie · 27th August 2001, 05:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Anni
LOL, I hope that wasn't Grrrr:evil: you're mad at me for being Chronos' love slave Nobody else wants him...... and he's all MINE!!!!

ALL MINE I TELLS YA!!!!!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

LOL

Nah Anni he is all yours.....not my type...if you know what I mean

Anni · 27th August 2001, 10:35 AM

If you're trying to insinuate that you might be infatuated by a certain blue eyed archaeologist/linguist..... then I am shocked, stunned and totally taken aback..

I wonder what gave me THAT strange idea?

:evil:

CynVision · 27th August 2001, 10:54 AM

This sounds very exciting!

Anni · 27th August 2001, 11:11 AM

Yes..... you're right.... but Jessa has run away, threatening cliffhangers and thumbing her nose at us....

CynVision · 27th August 2001, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Anni
Yes..... you're right.... but Jessa has run away, threatening cliffhangers and thumbing her nose at us....

I did the same thing on Friday. Left people in a total lurch. This sounds like an idea that jumped onto 'paper' and she's now got to run with it.

Might take some 'production' time.

26th August 2001, 12:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jessa aka Padfoot Join Date: May 2001 Location: can't remember. if i don't know if i'm human, what makes u think i can remember where i live? Posts: 3,424	new fic....Death Valley Hi, this is only my second fic, so i would very much apprieciate a little help. "Ok, Daniel." Jack O'Neill said as he picked himself up off the ground. "lets go. No more of you holding us up, with those damned rocks of yours." Daniel rolled his eyes at Sam who coughed to hide a laugh. "They're artifacts, Jack! ARTIFACTS!" Daniel stooped to gather the bundle of pieces of broken pottery and put them in his rucksack. "What ever." Jack replied, shrugging. "lets go." and with that, he led his team away from the huge stone building and across the valley floor of P3S-562. "you know, i translated some of the text on the walls of that building back there," Daniel said and he turned to indicate the small bump on the horizon. "it said this valley was called Death Valley by the locals. Do you wanna know why?" Jack shook his head. "I have the feeling we will know soon enough anyway." Daniel glared at him , then carried on. "It said most of the population of Zairne, this planet, lived in this valley, then one night, roughly three quarters disappeared with out a trace. no footprints, evidence of a ship landing, nothing." Sam looked at him. "Well theres a tale to tell your grandchildren" she remarked, earning herself an annoyed look from her CO "i believe i make the stupid remarks around here Major" he said. Sam looked hurt "It wasn't meant to be stupid." she muttered as she dropped behind to walk with Teal'c. The rest of the journey to the Stargate was made in silence. "Daniel would you please dial up?" Jack asked when they reached the 'gate. Daniel made no signs of moving. he was staring at a point in the distance. Jack came to stand by him. he could make out several moving shapes on the horizon. and they were moving VERY quickly. "What on earth..." he muttered. "Carter DIAL US UP!!" Sam jumped at his shout, but she hurried over to the DHD and began to punch in Earths co-ordinates. "Carter hurry...." but the Colonel didn't finish. Sam looked over her shoulder, but what was there made her cry out in fear and it froze her to the spot. First part finished. plis tell me what u think. Jessa:blpaw:

26th August 2001, 12:35 PM	#2 (permalink)
Anni Chronos' Love Slave Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Third star on the left and straight on till morning! Posts: 1,371	Well there's a place to finish........ !!!! Keep going you fool!!!

26th August 2001, 12:37 PM	#3 (permalink)
Jessa aka Padfoot Join Date: May 2001 Location: can't remember. if i don't know if i'm human, what makes u think i can remember where i live? Posts: 3,424	i like to see the readers on the edge of their seats. it makes them want to read more. your just gonna have to wait.:evil: :evil: :evil: Jessa:blpaw:

26th August 2001, 01:16 PM	#4 (permalink)
Gemsong The Spawn Queen Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Nia'Ladam Posts: 2,379	Please continue.

26th August 2001, 01:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
Anni Chronos' Love Slave Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Third star on the left and straight on till morning! Posts: 1,371	Wow that was so cool Gemmie!!!! Next time though say...... "Pray continue......" That has even more chutzpah!!! So Jessa....... PRAY CONTINUE!!!! :evil:

26th August 2001, 03:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
skydiver Trivia Goddess Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: topeka, ks, usa- 7 1/2 hours due east of Cheyenne Mountain Posts: 2,856	jessa, the technical term for what you just did is cliffhanger...and nothing ticks off hte mob more than dangling off a cliff for a while...to misquote oliver twist 'please jessa can i have some more???'

26th August 2001, 07:20 PM	#7 (permalink)
pamie Space Monkey! Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: South coast of the UK Posts: 3,091	Jessa, Hey I really like this one....but please post more soon You know what the mob is like we won't wait for nobody:evil: BTW: Anni love the avatar and title under your name....Grrrr:evil:

26th August 2001, 09:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
Anni Chronos' Love Slave Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Third star on the left and straight on till morning! Posts: 1,371	LOL, I hope that wasn't Grrrr:evil: you're mad at me for being Chronos' love slave Nobody else wants him...... and he's all MINE!!!! ALL MINE I TELLS YA!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

26th August 2001, 11:03 PM	#9 (permalink)
Gemsong The Spawn Queen Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Nia'Ladam Posts: 2,379	I see it's time to up Anni's medication again

27th August 2001, 05:05 AM	#10 (permalink)
Anni Chronos' Love Slave Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Third star on the left and straight on till morning! Posts: 1,371	Awww!!!! :blush: :blush: Rushes off to get another dose of Chronos! :evil: :evil:

27th August 2001, 10:35 AM	#12 (permalink)
Anni Chronos' Love Slave Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Third star on the left and straight on till morning! Posts: 1,371	If you're trying to insinuate that you might be infatuated by a certain blue eyed archaeologist/linguist..... then I am shocked, stunned and totally taken aback.. I wonder what gave me THAT strange idea? :evil:

27th August 2001, 10:54 AM	#13 (permalink)
CynVision CO, RDA's Leather Brigade Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: South Carolina Posts: 1,220	This sounds very exciting!

27th August 2001, 11:11 AM	#14 (permalink)
Anni Chronos' Love Slave Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Third star on the left and straight on till morning! Posts: 1,371	Yes..... you're right.... but Jessa has run away, threatening cliffhangers and thumbing her nose at us....