MIS- Why Do Klingons Have Lumpy Heads? [Drabble/monologue] - Science Fiction Fantasy Chronicles: forums

ray gower · 26th July 2001, 09:23 PM

Another waltz through the scrap box for something different.
Thus a 'Drabble monologue'- (Probably best read aloud in a deep Burnley accent)

Why do Klingons 'ave lumpy 'eads?

Voyager and the characters aboard her in this story are copyright of Paramount.

Constructive criticism and comments are welcome on e-mail story@rgower.plus.com

"Why do Klingons 'ave lumpy 'eads, Dad?" Little Jim said. (A Trek fan, 'orribly sad.)

Father looked up from 'paper, glasses at end of nose. "That's obvious our son," he declared 'orribly sure. "It saves 'em time an' cos they've no Wednesday's in the week."

Little Jim looked at Dad 'orribly 'plexed, so Dad relented and explained just a bit.

"When our Sam gets paid, he goes t' pub, 'nd our Jill cracks him a lump on t' crown. Wit' no day wit'out pay and drink, Mrs Klingon gives 'em lotsa lumps. That's why Klingons 'ave lumpy 'eads, our kid."

ray

markpud · 26th July 2001, 11:24 PM

lol, thants grand, r kid

Dave · 27th July 2001, 08:05 AM

ray gower · 27th July 2001, 11:06 AM

About the best reasoning I can think of to explain the difference twixt TOS and TNG

Maria8475 · 27th July 2001, 03:28 PM

LOL!

for the fic and the explanation!

ray gower · 27th July 2001, 03:40 PM

Rereading again, strikes me we could have the first verse of a full monologue here.

Anybody want to add the next?

Dave · 30th July 2001, 03:57 AM

Before I can add to it, I would need to translate it. So, I hope you don't mind but I did a Geordi translation.

"D'ya knaa why Klingons hez lumpy 'eads, Dad?" sez Wor Jack. (A Trek fan, awful sad.)

Wor Dad looks up. "A'll tell ya straight wor Jack," he sez like. "It saves 'em time 'cos there's nee Wednesday's in the week."

Wor Jack looks at Dad a bit strange like, so Dad explained a bit more.

"When wor Sam comes 'oot the pit, he gans t' boozer, and wor Jill cracks him a lump on 'is crown. When he gans hjem wi' nee pay or drink, Mrs Klingon gives 'im lotsa lumps. That's why Klingons hez lumpy 'eads, wor Jack."

ray gower · 30th July 2001, 04:14 AM

Droll, Very!

All we need now is Glaswegian, Cockney and thick Devon and we'll have covered the worst British accents and nobody will have a clue what we're on about

ray gower · 4th August 2001, 05:12 PM

I translated the thing into a slightly more upper crust and politically correct Queens English on request. It reads something like:-

"Why do Klingons have bumps on their heads, Father?" Young Jim asked. (A StarTrek fan, so terribly sad.)

His father peered up from his newspaper. "The reason is obvious, Jim!" He declared. "It is because they are working class and not imbided with a weekly income."

Young Jim looked at Father in confusion, so he relented a little and elucidated.

"When a worker gets paid he goes to the ale house. Then his wife hits him for being drunk, raising a lump on his head. Klingons having no particular payday manages to drink every day and is struck every day."

Anybody want to translate into their local dialect?

ray gower · 6th August 2001, 03:22 PM

I was given and is claimed to be gutter Glaswegian:-

"D'ya ken Klingons ha' bumpy heeds?" Wee Jim ask he's De'ed (A braw wee Treki fan).

His De'ed look op from he porridge and say, "Och! D'ye ken i's obvious, Jimmy lad. It save braw wee teem an'a no Windsd'y ina week."

Wee Jimmy looked at he's De'ed awfu' confused an' he's De'ed explain a dram.

"When Sam ges peed from pickling herring, Jill smacks him ona heed fur gittin drunk. Wi' dee wit out shullin's fur a dram, Klingons git pissed ever' dee an' gits smacked ona heed from he's ol' scrote. N'ya ken Klingons ha' bumpy heeds."

Looking forward to a few more variants

Maria8475 · 6th August 2001, 07:32 PM

LOL! i'm pretty awful at accents but these seem to be spot on.

ray gower · 6th August 2001, 11:08 PM

It's easy, really it is.

It's just like writing in English, just you use as much of the local slang as possible!

It doesn't have to be as indecipherable as Glaswegian, or as colourful as Geordi. It could simply be rich like my native 'West Cunry' where we leave out every third letter, roll the last letter and say 'Ooh Arrh!' a lot.

EmilyH · 10th August 2001, 11:26 AM

Great story. Can you do Screedish? Screed was the vampire carouche in Forever Knight, who used a really old fashioned sailor's Cockney, or something like that. He was played by Greg Kramer (the character looked completely different from the actor). If you haven't seen the show, it's hard to explain.

Dave · 15th August 2001, 05:43 PM

Those were good!

Any more then?

ray gower · 18th August 2001, 03:33 PM

Don't know Screedish.
Might have a look at Cockney rhyming slang, will that do?

26th July 2001, 09:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
ray gower Registered User Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Gwynedd Posts: 3,579	MIS- Why Do Klingons Have Lumpy Heads? [Drabble/monologue] Another waltz through the scrap box for something different. Thus a 'Drabble monologue'- (Probably best read aloud in a deep Burnley accent) Why do Klingons 'ave lumpy 'eads? Voyager and the characters aboard her in this story are copyright of Paramount. Constructive criticism and comments are welcome on e-mail story@rgower.plus.com "Why do Klingons 'ave lumpy 'eads, Dad?" Little Jim said. (A Trek fan, 'orribly sad.) Father looked up from 'paper, glasses at end of nose. "That's obvious our son," he declared 'orribly sure. "It saves 'em time an' cos they've no Wednesday's in the week." Little Jim looked at Dad 'orribly 'plexed, so Dad relented and explained just a bit. "When our Sam gets paid, he goes t' pub, 'nd our Jill cracks him a lump on t' crown. Wit' no day wit'out pay and drink, Mrs Klingon gives 'em lotsa lumps. That's why Klingons 'ave lumpy 'eads, our kid." ray Last edited by Dave; 28th January 2007 at 11:36 PM. Reason: apostrophe problem on transfer from ASciFi

30th July 2001, 03:57 AM	#7 (permalink)
Dave Wherever I Am, I'm There Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Greater London Posts: 11,532	Before I can add to it, I would need to translate it. So, I hope you don't mind but I did a Geordi translation. "D'ya knaa why Klingons hez lumpy 'eads, Dad?" sez Wor Jack. (A Trek fan, awful sad.) Wor Dad looks up. "A'll tell ya straight wor Jack," he sez like. "It saves 'em time 'cos there's nee Wednesday's in the week." Wor Jack looks at Dad a bit strange like, so Dad explained a bit more. "When wor Sam comes 'oot the pit, he gans t' boozer, and wor Jill cracks him a lump on 'is crown. When he gans hjem wi' nee pay or drink, Mrs Klingon gives 'im lotsa lumps. That's why Klingons hez lumpy 'eads, wor Jack." Last edited by Dave; 28th January 2007 at 11:23 PM. Reason: apostrophes problem when transferred from ASciFi

30th July 2001, 04:14 AM	#8 (permalink)
ray gower Registered User Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Gwynedd Posts: 3,579	Translation Service Offered? Droll, Very! All we need now is Glaswegian, Cockney and thick Devon and we'll have covered the worst British accents and nobody will have a clue what we're on about

4th August 2001, 05:12 PM	#9 (permalink)
ray gower Registered User Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Gwynedd Posts: 3,579	Translation I translated the thing into a slightly more upper crust and politically correct Queens English on request. It reads something like:- "Why do Klingons have bumps on their heads, Father?" Young Jim asked. (A StarTrek fan, so terribly sad.) His father peered up from his newspaper. "The reason is obvious, Jim!" He declared. "It is because they are working class and not imbided with a weekly income." Young Jim looked at Father in confusion, so he relented a little and elucidated. "When a worker gets paid he goes to the ale house. Then his wife hits him for being drunk, raising a lump on his head. Klingons having no particular payday manages to drink every day and is struck every day." Anybody want to translate into their local dialect? Last edited by Dave; 28th January 2007 at 11:24 PM. Reason: same problem

6th August 2001, 03:22 PM	#10 (permalink)
ray gower Registered User Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Gwynedd Posts: 3,579	More Translations I was given and is claimed to be gutter Glaswegian:- "D'ya ken Klingons ha' bumpy heeds?" Wee Jim ask he's De'ed (A braw wee Treki fan). His De'ed look op from he porridge and say, "Och! D'ye ken i's obvious, Jimmy lad. It save braw wee teem an'a no Windsd'y ina week." Wee Jimmy looked at he's De'ed awfu' confused an' he's De'ed explain a dram. "When Sam ges peed from pickling herring, Jill smacks him ona heed fur gittin drunk. Wi' dee wit out shullin's fur a dram, Klingons git pissed ever' dee an' gits smacked ona heed from he's ol' scrote. N'ya ken Klingons ha' bumpy heeds." Looking forward to a few more variants Last edited by Dave; 28th January 2007 at 11:27 PM. Reason: same problem

26th July 2001, 11:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
markpud Super-Mod to the gods Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: with Buffy, in Manchester, England... Posts: 4,732	lol, thants grand, r kid

27th July 2001, 08:05 AM	#3 (permalink)
Dave Wherever I Am, I'm There Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Greater London Posts: 11,532	LOL

27th July 2001, 11:06 AM	#4 (permalink)
ray gower Registered User Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Gwynedd Posts: 3,579	About the best reasoning I can think of to explain the difference twixt TOS and TNG

27th July 2001, 03:28 PM	#5 (permalink)
Maria8475 It goes on..... Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 4,690	LOL! for the fic and the explanation!

27th July 2001, 03:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
ray gower Registered User Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Gwynedd Posts: 3,579	Rereading again, strikes me we could have the first verse of a full monologue here. Anybody want to add the next?

6th August 2001, 07:32 PM	#11 (permalink)
Maria8475 It goes on..... Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 4,690	LOL! i'm pretty awful at accents but these seem to be spot on.

6th August 2001, 11:08 PM	#12 (permalink)
ray gower Registered User Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Gwynedd Posts: 3,579	It's easy, really it is. It's just like writing in English, just you use as much of the local slang as possible! It doesn't have to be as indecipherable as Glaswegian, or as colourful as Geordi. It could simply be rich like my native 'West Cunry' where we leave out every third letter, roll the last letter and say 'Ooh Arrh!' a lot.

10th August 2001, 11:26 AM	#13 (permalink)
EmilyH MN Sci-fi Fan Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Eagan, MN, USA Posts: 550	Great story. Can you do Screedish? Screed was the vampire carouche in Forever Knight, who used a really old fashioned sailor's Cockney, or something like that. He was played by Greg Kramer (the character looked completely different from the actor). If you haven't seen the show, it's hard to explain.

15th August 2001, 05:43 PM	#14 (permalink)
Dave Wherever I Am, I'm There Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Greater London Posts: 11,532	Those were good! Any more then?

18th August 2001, 03:33 PM	#15 (permalink)
ray gower Registered User Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Gwynedd Posts: 3,579	Don't know Screedish. Might have a look at Cockney rhyming slang, will that do?