Re: Chapter 1; version 2.0
I can't get into this. It's like you're narrating a film to me.
The imagination and some of the wording are really nice - but ask yourself, why are you trying to narrate a film to me in a novel? That's not the point of a novel.
I've seen it mentioned elsewhere that Third Person Omniscient viewpoints began to fall out of favour 20-30 years ago, and that readers demand a Third Person Limited POV now.
It may simply be the case that you're coming to writing after watching lots of films, and that's great - but look at what sort of science fiction has been published over the past ten years at least to see what publishers are looking for now.
You should be able to rewrite the piece in Third Person Limited, but read up a little more on POV use where possible, and read how it's used in currently published novels, because that's what publishers want.
Otherwise, all you have is exposition that will not engage the modern reader properly IMO.