Re: Action scene approximately 400 words
Not bad TomS, action scenes are always difficult to do and this one works fairly well, but not quite on the money.
‘evolution apparently’ – I did not like this comment on the creature, evolution would always comes into play. It was just Don who does not understand why the creature is as it looks.
I’m a big fan of ray guns so well done, mate. However, if you were shooting at me I’d duck. So on constant beam shooting the creature was a little too easy. The shooting into the mouth was fine. Realism, a tough one in SciFi but important for the reader.
Pace, needs to be faster to create tension, all covered by ctg. The other members have beaten me to all the hard work, which is nice. Study their comments carefully.
Lastly and sadly, and this is why for me the section failed to grab me was the missing emotion. If I were being chased by a 3.5m creature moving really fast I’d s**t myself. Yet Don, is as cool as you like. Don can still be a cool character but I’d like more of what he felt to make him feel more real to me.
Still telling and could be tighter but much improved.
Some nice bits like the jack rabbit which I liked. This is a good example of reader perception and the differences in readers taste!
You’re starting to rock and roll, TomS so keep chipping away.