Thanks for the critique!
Yeah, I felt something was missing with it. I just could not quite put my finger on what. This could help with that. Certain sentences need fixing. I think I will come back with a new version later.
Anyway, a couple of things you commented on was due to lack of context, I am afraid. I feared this wouldn't quite work isolated.
That applies to your disbelief in them as elite guards. They would have been established as such. However, I have to point out that Glemadhal's physical strength goes way into superhuman territory. I was hoping tossing a 300 pound man several yards with one arm would establish that, but of course things can be missed. Against someone with superhuman physique (and millennia of combat experience) on that level, elite guards would be quite weak, I reckon. It was not really even a fight, being that one sided. They think he is easy prey, and he is just in a hurry to get out of there.
I hope this helps explaining things.
Making the orders more military style is great advice, however. I will see if I can pull it off.
As for...
Quote:
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”So, what have we here? Sneaky man has snuck where he don’t belong. You may have gotten in here, little man, but you won’t get out.”
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...I intentionally made the brute's grammar bad (hence the "he don't"). Unless it really does not work without your suggested addition of 'a'(?), I'd rather keep it as it it is, I think.
Cheers!