Re: Extremes prologue part 2 - 1349 words
I liked it. I needed the info dumping and it didn't seem extreme. Knowing I was reading a prologue, I guess I kinda expected it, as a setup for the story. The antagonism between the two comes over very well, but I'd have expected better measuring/detecting devices with the type of technology we're seeing, but the story's the thing. As to the fight, I could see a punch happening if Gary is as p*ssed off as he comes over, but you did go to great lengths to show us how cramped the sub was. Maybe the punch knocks Ross out and his slump onto the controls knock the sub off course? Then Gary desperately tries to lift him, and the crash happens? I'd have expected proximity detectors, some kind of fail-safe, otherwise. It's nitpicking, really, and whatever, you've got a great start to your story.