9th June 2012, 09:33 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Re: Very short scene
My two cents: I think that’s the only bit I can find any kind of issue with. It's not entirely clear to me that Jen was staying at the hotel. How about: I don't think the distance is really important. From the impression I get of your character he'd opt for the convenience of having Jen at his place even if her hotel was across the road! Just my two cents. And congrats on the 4K!
| Since it was safe to return home (according to the police, at least), he had moved both Jenn and Mercer into his house - deciding that Mercer’s flat was too small, too dark and too dirty, and fetching Jen from her hotel every day was a pain in the arse. |