| Re: Infodump?
It didn't work for me - the first two sentences were great - they felt like they set a scene of awe and tension, almost Lovecraftian in their sence of terrible anticipation.
And then it felt like it was interrupted by a news reader telling us casually that, oh, you know, let's talk about the Samireans.
Then back to the quiet voice of trepidation ...
News reader is back! Let's talk about the ancient Samirean calendar!
My personal feeling is that you're better stripping out the info dump from here, and putting it into more of a learning context, ie, mentioned in passing in light conversation with a mentor/techer/sage where it feels appropriate. Or else pare it down a lot more.
However, that's just my own initial reading of it .... |