Grins. Merci? You were expecting mercy? The wheels of Chrispy grind very slow, but they grind exceeding small.
That first
Quote:
|
for as long as it could remember and still, the barrier held it
|
a pause there sounds odd; would you consider it before the "and still"? But of course this is your story, entirely your decision, all I can ever make are suggestions.
I believe that hanging and drawing has been discontinued for comma splices, and they are now quite tolerated in some quarters {
mutters something incomprehensible about falling standards and his youth} so consider that I'm just drawing attention towards points you might have to defend later. And yes, there is less reddening this time.