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Old 25th April 2012, 01:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
Hex
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: City of Edinburgh
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Re: Small excerpt: 430 words

Ahem. Back for the last paragraph:

I wasn't sure about 'try to fight it' (do you need the 'try to'?) and I disliked 'didn't have the faintest idea as to what it was' -- could you say '...didn't have the faintest idea what it was" instead?

I did like this passage and it's gripping and involving. Everything makes sense and the description is generally fresh and effective. Yey.
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