Re: Small excerpt: 430 words
Ahem. Back for the last paragraph:
I wasn't sure about 'try to fight it' (do you need the 'try to'?) and I disliked 'didn't have the faintest idea as to what it was' -- could you say '...didn't have the faintest idea what it was" instead?
I did like this passage and it's gripping and involving. Everything makes sense and the description is generally fresh and effective. Yey.