Delete Add Comment I pursed my lips.
He sounded believable enough, but I had to be certain. I closed my eyes and reached out with my ability
.The magic within the room fought against me, cracking like a sea of electricity against my power. I clenched my fists and pushed harder
Eventually, I reached the minds of the Dark Elf monarchs, and thrust my way inside. My stomach churned as I entered, sickened by the overwhelming intensity of their disturbing and ominous thoughts. It felt like I was swimming in treacle (this could be written better - bit of a cliche)
, surrounded by a dark unnatural energy which threatened to torment and drown me within its oppressive and murky depths.
I gasped, fighting for air as my lungs began to contract beneath the pressure
. Part of me knew it wasn't real – my physical body wasn't really
trapped within their hellish
subconscious– my mind, however, was going to would
take a hell of
a lot more convincing of the fact
. My knees trembled, and
I swallowed hard as the sickly tang of vomit erupted into my mouth. I desperately wanted to pull free, to release myself from the torment, but knew it wasn't an option. I had to see just how far the rabbit hole went. I clenched my teeth,
balled my clammy hands into fists, and forced myself further into the darkness. I couldn't give up now – I had to know the truth. The fate of the world depended upon it.
Thoughts idled by, thick as mud, unnatural and disturbing. I shuddered – they were far from anything I'd ever witnessed, different in ways I couldn't even begin to imagine. They filled my mind with dread, and made my muscles spasm with anxiety as their deviant energies festered and stagnated around my own. I took a deep breath, and began to probe, my body trembling as I did.
A sudden sense of overwhelming fear burst into my mind. They were afraid, petrified of what was happening to them, of how their lives had been thrust into danger. The Source, an item of unimaginable power, had been taken from right under their noses, and there was nothing they could do about it.
Confusion flickered in the deepest echelons of their subconscious. How could something be so strong? So incredibly powerful, that even the finest Elven warriors had been powerless to overcome it
? They knew they had to try to fight it
, to destroy it
–but how? How could they wage war against something so dangerous? And especially when they didn't have the faintest idea as to what it was.
I liked this but i think you as they say in the UK, "you over egged the pudding.' Too much unneccesary description like I took a deep breath etc. Kept me interested but I think you should keep it simple. Don't waste words