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| Stargate Fan Fiction What would we do without fan fiction? It\'s a way for those so inclined to add a little something of their own, answer a question that has been nagging at them that wasn\'t addressed in one of the episodes, or offer another glimpse into the people and |
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24th May 2001, 03:56 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Odi et amo et- CRUCIO!  Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Manchester. UK. Or near as dammit.
Posts: 4,670
| [size=huge] SG-1 GO TO HOLLYWOOD! [/size] *Producer/Director/Camerawoman/Scriptwriter: Skip. *Starring: Col. Jack O’Neill Dr. Daniel Jackson Maj. Samantha Carter Teal’c/Murphy *Guest Starring: Dr. Janet Frasier Maj. Gen. George Hammond Siler Davis *Also Featuring: Divers Famous Personages The Ascifi Mob (And I’m not gonna list you so you can see where you appear…  *Animals: Dave the Chicken (by popular demand. And a crowbar.) Dave was not hurt in the filming of this atrocity. People whose fingers went too near, however, were. Copyright Instructions: Yah so I don’t own anything here. Like I own all these films and SG-1. Like I WISH! No I don’t even own the mob. I don’t control them. I am not responsible (haha) for their actions. Yah so I steal from other peoples fics, but I figure why the hell not, cos you can always shout at me and then I have a reason to retire. Should you wish to use this premise (Asmiley this is directed at you…. and ykwim) go ahead. One thing I DO own…. as per usual, is Dave.Notes: Look, as much as I’d love to do another panto, I can’t. It seems old hat to me, I’m sorry. I feel the urge to TRY and be individual and original in all I do. Never happens but at least it appeases me! And hey do you guys realise how long it is since I managed to write anything sensible? I haven’t whumped Jack in ages! This is sooooo unfair. I might go on a sabbatical with all my implements of torture and leave ‘comedy’ alone for a while! Some films are done for particular people. These people will recognise them (well they should) when they get to them! Dedication: This is to You. Yes, YOU AND YOU ALONE. No, Dave, not you…. Without further ado: LIGHTS! KEYBOARD! A-CTION!!!!! *~*~*~*~*~*~*~* [size=huge]SG-1 Go to Hollywood.[/size] “Daniel? What is this?” “Uhm, well it’s been awhile…” “No it hasn’t. I distinctly remember bunny ears, a chicken and something fluffy.” “Fuzzy,” Teal’c corrected him. “Yes, fuzzy.” “Well, fuzzy wuzzy actually,” Carter supplemented. Jack sighed, “Why thank you, Major.” “No problem, Sir.” “Look, I don’t care. I’ve got written permission from General Hammond,” Daniel told them, waving a piece of paper. “May I see that?” “Sure,” Daniel handed it over. “But I have it in triplicate…” Jack sighed. “Well, I’ll just call in sick.” “Nope, I got Doctor Frasier to rescind anything you do.” “WHAT?!?! That’s illegal!” “No it isn’t, I checked. Now stop speaking in prose and go back to screenplay.” “Spacemonkey, don’t think I shan’t get back at you for this…” *~*~*~*~*~* The stage is set, and it is rather a small one. Daniel enters from Stage Left wearing an old fashioned velvet suit and concealing something behind his back. Daniel: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Mob, welcome to our little show. We are afraid that due to budget costs, there will be no super-dooper special effects. Jack: Now you see, that sucks. We employ people like Siler here, who does absolutely nothing all day and we can’t afford a few spangles? Siler: I resent that! I do lots of things! Jack: Name one? Siler: I- I- I…. Jack: Ha-ha you can’t! Siler: ARGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Siler makes a dive for Jack. He knocks him spectacularly to the floor, where they tumble for endless moments. During the process, Jack’s shirt catches on the floor and is ripped from his back. They continue to wrestle for countless minutes until Teal’c picks them both up. Jack is sporting a bloody nose and Siler’s eye is blacked. A score of people leap to their feet to comfort Jack (or maybe even whump him some more) but the imposing guard of Giant Chickens (led by Cecil) soon seat them once more. Daniel: Ahem. Whilst those two get patched up… He reaches behind his back for his concealed object. He finds a top hat. He pushes his hand in. He produces a white rabbit. Uhm that’s not it… His arms goes deeper in; and now a bunch of flowers… which he throws into the audience. Peachy scrabbles over several rows to retrieve them. No…And now the severed head of a Theban prince. No, we gave up on the Greek tragedy…Finally he finds a toilet roll. Et voila! Sam: Daniel, that’s a loo roll… Daniel: Yes, I had to improvise. He rolls it out and after much fuddling it is revealed that it has a barely legible scrawling down it. He turns the roll and the credits ‘fall.’ ~~ A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… ~~ Teal’c: But it is not ‘far, far away.’ Daniel: Look, I’m not editing this, it was hard enough writing on it in the first place. ~~ There was a mighty empire… ~~ At this time Janet Frasier chooses to parade Jack back on the stage. Janet: And if you don’t stop picking fights with subordinates… Jack: ‘Yes, mom.’ Janet: Don’t you ‘Yes, mom’ me. Now go on, Daniel has worked long and hard on this! Jack (Mumbling): Sure, yeah it looks like it… Janet clouts him on the ear, turns and leaves. Ow! Daniel: ~~ These evil tyrants were trying to take over the Galaxy. ~~ Jack: That sure sounds familiar! You know you can’t just keep going round stealing things from films! And it isn’t even creative! Daniel: I am NOT stealing! Jack: Steals Daniel’s script. Sure looks like it to me! Daniel : Snatching it back. Well it isn’t! Think of it as homage to all the brilliant science fiction films out there. Or you can simply play ‘Spot the Source…’ Look, I don’t have time to change it now and the crowd is getting impatient. Jack: Yeah, they are. Look at them, they seem to be... drooling… Daniel: You still have your shirt open, Jack. Jack: Oh. [u] He turns away to button it.[/i] Daniel: Actually, the girl with the flowers keeps winking at me. I figure we should get going, maybe the plot will distract them. Jack: Agreed. Daniel: Bring out the scenery, please. Several Airmen bring out pink plastic-looking rocks. They arrange these appropriately across the stage. All that stood in their way were three intrepid heroes. A young girl with the memories of a Tok’ra, a flyboy pilot and his big, uh, hairless companion. Sam: I am NOT that young! You make it sound like I’m a teenager! Jack: Come on, kid, if you want to leave this planet. The Die-Gliders will be here soon. (DIE-Gliders?) Daniel: (Die- death. Rhymes with t-) Jack: (Oh I see.) Sam: Uh, okay. Are you sure that hunk of junk can hold us all? I mean, Teal’c- Teal’c: Murphy. Sam: Murphy? Teal’c: I am wearing my hat, therefore I am Murphy. Jack: You see it doesn’t work quite like that, you’re wearing that to pretend it’s a helmet, not to hide the… and plus its only us, Teal’c. Teal’c: Murphy. Jack: Whatever. Let the Jaffa win. Oh, and Cartwalker? No voodoo Snake tricks on MY ship, thank you very much. Sam: It isn’t voodoo… Jacob told me it was… Jack: I don’t care what some dumb old man said. Now sit back, I have some manoeuvring to do. Said manoeuvring consists of them holding hands and walking in a ‘snake’ across the stage, each wearing the beautiful cardboard boxes of familiar construction. In fact, it looks like more time was spent stencilling the serial numbers on the sides in various languages, as well as ‘Voyager’ to greetings to aliens. Daniel: Oh no! Look here comes the bad guys! Better engage that light-speed drive! Jack: WHAT light-speed drive? Daniel: (Uhm, just run a bit faster.) Jack: Ok…oof. Teal’c, why did you push me over? Teal’c: I have observed that in past instances, you have fallen when such devices were engaged. Therefore, to make it realistic, you must fall. Jack: But not on the hard floor! Geez, Teal’c, couldn’t we have swayed about a bit in ‘turbulence?’ Teal’c: That is not accurate. Hetesh Guard 1: Excuthe me, but are we going to do thith chathe or not? Jack: Hmm… you’re a Hetesh guard, right? Could you do me a favour? Shout ‘Stop! Cease! Surrender or I will be forced to shoot!’ Hetesh Guard 1: Thure. Thtop! Theathe! Thurrender or I will be forthed the thoot! Wath tho funny? He, Theve, hethe laughing. Hetesh Guard 2: Well, Wodger, so he is. May I enqwire what is so wibald as to pwovoke wibticking laughter? Jack is guffawing loudly. Hetesh Guard 1- Roger: Thath juth plain mean. Right, you’re for it now! Hetesh Guard 2- Steve: Quite wite. Jack: Oh no, please, have mewcy! Steve: Never, you’we going to suffer fow that! Roger tries to get out of his ship, but realises that his hlmet is stcuk. Roger: Thteve! Help me I’m thtuck! [Steve also tries to get out, but he has left his helmet on also.[/i] Steve: Woger! I’m most embawassed! I’m in a pwedicament! Roger: A thticky one? Daniel: Now we could keep this up all day, but we do have a timing. We don’t have enough spools to keep this up forever. Teal’c: I shall assist. [i]Teal’c goes up to the spaceships. He takes Roger and Steve’s heads. He bangs them together. Jack: Welcome to Earth. Sam: But we’re not On Earth. Jack: Then where the hell are we? Sam: PX-999. Jack: That’s it? No snappy name or anything? No blatant pillaging? No plagiarism? No- Daniel: Well, Steve and Roger could have told you, seeing as this IS their planet, before you knocked them out. Jack: Point taken. Daniel: So our heroes need a disguise. It turns out that the two Hetesh guards did a mean sideline in cabaret. Careful thought leads to them deciding to ‘borrow’ some clothes. (Guys, this is your cue to go and change your costumes.) Sam: Fine, just as long as it isn’t as bad as these robes. They itch. Jack: Yours itch? Have you seen the state of these trousers? I can barely breathe! There is a harsh intake of breath in sympathy from the assembled throng in their seats. Several collars are loosened. Sam: Neat red stripe, though. Jack: ‘Neat red stripe though’…! Daniel: And as our heroes clamber in to get changed- Jack: Quit stepping on my foot! Daniel:… we have a temporary diversion. Here is a word from our sponsors. VOICEOVER: Tired of feeding your pets? Fed up of taking them for a walk? Disinterested in running every time their bladder calls? Check out Imagicorp’s brand new ELECTRIC SHEEP- Skip: STOP STOP STOP! Daniel: What? Who are you? Skip: Skip, who’d ya think? Look, we don’t have a sponsor, so if this is a cheap way of trying to earn money to keep the SGC open, forget it. I’ll probably be sued over the gratuitous thefts already! Monsignor Lucas-ade has the best damn lawyers you can have! Daniel: But it’s for a good cause! Skip: I don’t care. Give me that script. Scribbles furiously Look, no-no to the soft drink references… and what the hell is this? Action figures? Daniel shrugs. Skip: Yeesh, how much were you raking in? Daniel: Only a few bucks. Skip: But that’s half the script! You’re a lousy negotiator, Daniel. Next time Jack gives you an idea like this, just say ‘No!’ Daniel: But you just tore out half my script! Skip: I don’t care. Make something up or I’ll be forced to let the mob loose. Daniel: I’ll uh, I’ll get to work, then… Skip: You do that. Oh look, I’ll have to find someone to narrate whilst you’re editing. Uhm… lemme see… I know! Davis? Come on up! Davis: Who, me? Skip: No, the ‘other’ Davis. YES YOU! Yeesh. Can’t get the minions these days! Davis: So, uh… Reading from script The three emerge from the Ti- uh, Die-Glider in their disguises. Jack: From inside I am NOT coming out! Sam: But sir! Daniel worked long and hard! Jack: I don’t care. I don’t see why I have to wear THIS! Sam: Because it would be degrading and sexist to make me wear it, and it won’t fit Teal’c- I mean Murphy. Jack: And you don’t think its sexist to restrain your superior officer and dress him up in a gold bikini? Sam: Well, no… Jack: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU! Teal’c: Ypu must emerge, or I will carry you out over my shoulder. This would afford a good view of your mikta and be more degrading. Jack: TEAL’C! YOU CAN’T DO THAT! EEK! No… hands off…. Ok I’ll come out. Under PROTEST! The trio emerge. Jack dressed in a gold lacrame bikini, as promised. Teal’c is wearing his bear suit. Sam is wearing… a box. Jack: Tell me again exactly what you are, Carter? Sam: Well, I could be any sort if android. Or alien. Or- Jack: Basically you just shoved on the box the outfits were in, right? Sam: No I thought long and hard! Jack: Yeah. Right. Jack waits for the expected reprimand for straying from the topic. And waits. And- HEY? Dannyboy? Yoo-hoo? Davis: Uh, Colonel O’Neill, Sir, Daniel had to leave, Sir, he had to re-write the script Sir, Colonel, Sir! Jack: Calm down and use sentences, kid. So why didn’t you interrupt when we were talking about the costumes? Davis? DAVIS? Davis: I was, uh, just thinking how good Major Carter’s costume looked, Sir, Colonel, Sir! Jack: Oh fer cryin out loud! Dannyboy? Have you nearly finished? Daniel: Sort of. I’ll narrate again but you’ll have to keep prodding me. Ouch! Jack: What? Daniel: I didn’t mean right away! Jack: Well next time you may be a little less obscure, Daniel! Daniel: Fine, fine. Change… blah blah blah…costume… blah blah blah… Here we are. The bar sene. Jack: Oh at last some fun. Daniel: I’m sure you’ll have fun, dressed like that! Jack: Why you… Daniel: OFF stage while we do a scene change. Jack: I thought this was a film, not a play. Daniel: We can’t afford to shoot on location. Jack: But we can afford to travel half way round the Universe to look for rocks… Daniel: OFF STAGE! NOW! Jack: Alright alright I’m gone already! Daniel: And now for a little light entertainment. Out tramps a horde of Unas in monkey suits and top hats, but rather more upmarket than Daniel’s MC uniform. Still, they manage to make it look scruffier. In their hands are Pain sticks and Staff-Weapons. Music starts to swell. They start to tap dance. Well, one does. The rest all hit each other with the sticks. The audience starts to giggle. One Unas starts eating the wrong end of his staff weapon. That mess should really be cleaned up soon before someone slips in it. Finally, the Chicken Guards escort them off stage. Skip: Daniel, you better have something better planned for the next scene or costume change, otherwise I know a few people who’d be happy to meet you. Daniel: Hey cut me some slack, I’m doing the best I can! Skip: Look, don’t talk to me about that! Now go off and do better. Daniel: Fine, fine. Curtain! CURTAIN! |
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24th May 2001, 04:10 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Daniels Beloved  Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: i commute between cheyenne mountain & scotland
Posts: 2,952
| lol, that was great skippy, i can just see all us *mob* sitting in the audiance eating our popcorn, and me holding tightly onto those flowers  more, more...peachy |
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24th May 2001, 08:56 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Trivia Goddess  Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: topeka, ks, usa- 7 1/2 hours due east of Cheyenne Mountain
Posts: 2,856
| very, very cute...i think it would make everyone happy(in their own ways of course) to have all the guys in gold lame bikinis...and just thing, teal'c's would coordinate with his tattoo |
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25th May 2001, 02:15 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Odi et amo et- CRUCIO! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Manchester. UK. Or near as dammit.
Posts: 4,670
|  managed to get most of u in so far...:D INTRO TO PART TWO: Wah, you asked for it. I REFUSE TO COMPLY AND IF THIS MAKES NO SENSE THEN I’LL BE ECSTATIC :nuts::crazy::rain:This is written now because I’ve had a brill faberoony kinda day. I would like to thank the people who made this possible. Firstly, I would like to thank my mum for going out and leaving me home alone. Secondly I’d like to thank all the food I’ve ingested today on my massive ‘I’m such a happy person’ food fest. Thirdly I’d like to tank Annette for keeping me :nuts::rain: whilst doing my Physics and Chemistry. Fourthly MTV and Dangerfield for keeping me company today as ever. Fifthly and Finally. Dave. Mishkaz. Honey. What can I say, you’ve got me down to a T (or should we say an ‘M?’) It’s the only thing I can do to keep away and do some work. In fact, the strange dreams I had even before I got it (involving the one about the blue dress, the cardboard cut out Dalek and the brace of carton drinks [go figure]) are part of why I’m writing this! Hopefully we’ll have a puddy tat purring at your door soon and demanding a name. Have fun in communicado, darling Now that I’ve annoyed everyone no end (hahaha) I reckon I should get on with the show, non? TURNING, TURNING, TURNING….. Oh wow my song is playing! INSOMNIA! I just love that song. The lyrics are just so…. Damnit! Oh, sorry for interrupting. I felt the need to share, is all!~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The curtain finally rises. The pink rocks have gone. In their place stands a wallpaper table. On the wallpaper table stand various drinks of all kinds. Including Bovril. Behind the table stands the barkeep, who we shall meet later. Thronged masses of aliens generally throng. Important to note that most of the aliens look very human like. And the most exotic aliens in the room are invisible. Odd, that, when you get to think about it. I mean REALLY… Aris Boch: Wolf-whistles appreciatively.Well hello there, sweetie. It isn’t often we get such a fine filly as you in here amidst the dregs. What can I do you for, hunny? Jack: Who the hell is he talking to? Aris: You, sweetie. Unfortunately, we don’t take garbage cans in here. He indicates Carter in her ‘box’ costume. Sam: Fine, then we’ll leave. Jack: Yah, let’s get out of here. Teal’c: O’Neill, do we not first need to meet our contact? Aris: Woah there, honey bunch! You can’t go leave me now before we’ve even had time to get acquainted! Did he say ‘O’Neill?’ As in THE O’Neill? Wow, dating HIS daughter would make me famous! Puts his arm round the bikini’d Jack. Jack: His DAUGHTER?!?!? Aris: Well, let’s face it, he isn’t THAT young anymore… Jack: How dare you! Slaps Aris. Aris: Quite feisty, aren’t we? Jack: That’s it, people, we are SO leaving! Aris: No, don’t leave! NO! [i] Jack and co. stand up.[i] Daniel: Jack? Jack! You can’t leave! You’re supposed to meet up with your informant who advances the plot in there! Jack: And? Daniel: Well, yes! And! Jack: that is not a valid argument. Write us meeting in another place. Daniel: What?!?! I’ve only just hired the act for the next scene change! You can’t just go round asking for changes in the middle of it all? Jack: Why not? This sucks. How can I stand there whilst that freak makes goo-goo eyes at me and those two with the story books down the front keep shouting ‘On with the Suspenders!’ Bee and Kat-D look innocent. Well, they try, anyway. Daniel: Look, I’ll try. Just take a five minute break whilst I wangle a new set. Jack: Fine. I think we’ll take seats at the front. Sam: Uh, Sir? Teal’c: I believe that to be unwise, O’Neill. Jack: No way am I carting that scenery around. And besides, those seats look comfy. I’ll go get some. Te- uh, Murphy go get us some popcorn. Teal’c: I am no longer Murphy. I am in my bear costume, therefore I am Teal’c. Jack: Uh… sure… whatever. Jack chooses three seats off to one side, which is relatively empty. It is not long before they are full. Gemsong: Hello, Jack. Would you like some popcorn? I bet you can’t wait for Teal’c to come back. Here, come sit with me, I’ll share! Skydiver: Yeah, come sit here, Jack. We’ll make sure you’re OK. Jack: Uhm I think I’m already OK… Teal’c: I have bought enough for the three of us. MsGudBod: Oh, I don’t think so. Such a… big man like you probably eats loads… Starling: Come sit with us. We like popcorn! Jsc: And we don’t bite… much… Teal’c: I do not believe this is wise. Markpud: Here, Sam. Come sit with me and Neo. Neo: Yeah, sure hunny, there’s loads of room. Markpud: Yah, me and Buffy have some chocolate. We might be persuaded to share. Asmiley: Oh, and I have some smores, too. Here, Jack, try one of these! The SG teams have been trained for some heavy- uh, heavy… crud… but nothing like this! They try to resist but are pulled into the respective cliques. Peachy looks at Jack briefly, but decides against fighting the rabble swarming him. Instead, she clutches her flowers extra hard and looks longingly to where Daniel last was. Her face lights up as she hears his voice again. Daniel: Get on stage NOW! A grumbling blue cloud wanders onto the stage from the left. An equally upset ‘Blob’ squelches on from the right. Entity: How does it feel? Wasn’t it good? Wasn’t it fine? Blob: I sensed him with my psuedopodia and sensitivity to electromagnetic fields induced in my nucleus too well! The two sing the rousing serenade for several minutes. Eventually Daniel is forced to push them offstage. Few people have even noticed what is happening. The mob are busy and SG-1 is trying to unbusy them. Daniel: Curtain! The stage is revealed again. The aliens are still there, but Aris has gone. (Some say broken hearted he left for the furthest edges of the Galaxy never to return. Others say he had a Bounty to hunt.) The wallpaper table has been moved to the other end of the stage and now holds one apple, one pear, one tomato and a kumquat. Market Seller: Fresh fruit! Come and get your fresh fruit! Daniel: JACK! SAM! TEAL’C! You’re needed onstage- NOW! Jack: Uhm, much as I would love to listen to your delightful anecdotes about ‘Thread Killing,’ food fights and… uh… cartoons… I think I should be going. Teal’c: I regret that I must depart from your company. Mob: NO! Don’t go! Sam: Well, it was nice talking to you Mark, Neo, Buffy. I’ll be sure to take those hints to heart should I encounter a vampire. Buffy: Cool. Have fun. Sam: See you! The stars finally make it back on stage. Market Seller: fresh fruit! Fresh vegetables! Jack: Who said that? Market Seller: I did. Look down. They do. They spot a chicken on the table. Jack peeks under the table. Dave: No, me you wally! Just because I’m a chicken doesn’t mean I can’t turn a profit! Jack: A CHICKEN?!?! Dave: Oh look! Three gold stars to Mr. Observant! Take a crash course in stating the obvious, did we? Jack: What? Dave: Never mind, I see your one of our mentally deficient monkey friends again. Well, what’ll it be, fruit? Veg? Life insurance? Teal’c: I can see no vegetables on this table. Dave: Well try telling the masses that a tomato is a fruit and not a vegetable. Besides, I have other foods. Sam: Is it a wise trade for a chicken to be in? Dave: You kidding? We’re sacred round here. Plus, I get to promote vegetarianism. The Carrots protest, of course, but what are you to do? Sam: Carrots? Dave: Geez, where you been? Living in a BOX? Oh yeah, you have. The sentient carrots from Nova Scotia V. now are you buying or not? Jack: Well, no, actually. We’re looking for a guide. Dave: Then you came to the right place! Teal’c: But you lead us to believe this was a place for the sale of foodstuffs. Dave: Can’t a guy make a sideline in homeopathy and tourism? Yeesh, foreigners. Jack: Well…. Ok… Huddle! The three turn away from Dave, who starts to absently peck at the kumaquat. They huddle. Jack: So, guys? Sam: I don’t know what to think anymore. You screwed up the script, Sir. Teal’c: I concur. I believe that the chicken would find it difficult to harm us in any way. I believe we are adequately safe. Jack: Daniel? Daniel: Don’t ask me, I mean I only write the script. Jack: OK I’m sorry I screwed up your script, Daniel. But its your fault I’m in this bikini! Daniel: Fine. Go with Dave and get changed in the curtain break. Jack: Cheers. Daniel: The things I do… honestly... CURTAIN! Jack picks up Dave, and none too kindly. Dave: Oi! Careful, you! Not only are chickens sacred and my body sacrosanct, I am also the King of a small planet, I’ll have you know! Jack: Well that’s a load of bull- The curtain falls, for tonight at least. END OF ACT ONE! That’s as far as I’ve got so far so don’t get tetchy. Don’t spoil my good mood by whining for more. It only makes me cranky and less inclined to write. But some people will never be told, will they? I’m going as fast as I can! I haven’t had chance to read half the stuff here!!!! *Worries* |
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25th May 2001, 04:50 PM
| #15 (permalink) |
| Odi et amo et- CRUCIO! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Manchester. UK. Or near as dammit.
Posts: 4,670
| *Skip runs in looking confused. Juggling a rabid hamster, three requests for files and pictures and a glass of something which unfortunately never fermented. She looks up and down and wonders wether or not to post another part. Wonders if it will appease the MOB for a longer period. Figures that the mob will never be appeased. Realises that evil Warden is not in the room. Dares to post. Sneaks out before anyone notices.* You ain’t seen nothing, roight? PART THREE You guys are so lucky that I’ve been feeling inspired. Well, here’s nothing. Note well how I listened to you guys. Honestly, the things I do. And all I’ve got is a Blue peter badge and an OBE. Still haven’t got my MBE. Huh. Some people. Don’t drown in your drool, okay? AND WE NEED A BIT OF EFFORT ON YOU PART AT THE END! ARE WE UP FOR THIS? CAN WE WORK THAT HARD? Well you better or there won’t be any more! ACT TWO! Voices are heard, offstage. Daniel: No, Jack! I’m not wearing it! Jack: Uhm, yes you are! I had Aris Boch hit on me out there! You aren’t even parading up and down for half the time. Besides, I reckon it’ll fit you better! Daniel: No!!!!! Jack: I had to wear worse! I had the suspenders, the bear suit, the Austin Powers outfit and those tight leather pants! Daniel: Well you made me wear, and I quote ‘A little frilly, sticky-out dress with plenty of lace and a corset.’ Jack: So? Daniel: And that’s not all. ‘He had long, blond hair with lots of ribbons in it. Pink ribbons.’ Jack: What do you do, memorise what I say? Skip: Looking nervous at the accusations of cross-dressing people. Now Daniel, play nice. I know you planted those costumes which was pretty mean considering Jack agreed to do this. Plus, I’m sure your adoring audience would be disappointed, otherwise. Jack: Look, like she said, I agreed to do your silly panto/film/whatever. Now put it on before I have to get Teal’c to dress you. Daniel: NO WAY NO FAIR! Skip: YES WAY AND NO, NO FAIR. Get out here, Daniel. Jack: You heard the lady! Janet strides out onto the stage, followed by a sheepish looking Daniel. He is trying to cover himself up. He is wearing a gold bikini. He accentuates the effect by turning a lovely shade of pink. In the audience, much catcalling is heard. Bee and Maria are shaking. Peachy nearly passes out and needs reviving. Starling manages to drag her eyes away from the sight long enough to throw water at her. She finally comes to and starts fanning herself with her bouquet. Janet: Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. Tonight we are going to have a little singsong to start off Act Two, whilst the Cast change. There will be a prize for the winner. Skydiver: And what would that be, pray tell? Janet: Good question. Daniel? Daniel: Uh… Ohmigod I didn’t get that far… Skip: Honestly! Ok the winner gets a kiss from whoever the choose! At this point, the mob goes wild. Gemsong considers her chances, after singing all of the Goa’uld Songbook [Allegedly. Quite frankly I’m sure a few didn’t fit… ] Peachy remembers past exercises in group not-quite-singing and shudders. People start to practice their scales.Daniel: Wha- what?!?! Skip: Just don’t tell the others unless we need to, OK? Besides, it’ll keep em from ripping up the stage in impatience! Daniel: You’re right, this lot is worse then the IRS! (Or Inland Revenue for my fellow Brits.) Janet: So what shall we sing? Mishkaz: I have a few ideas! Skip: Hah, you reckon they’ll approve? Mishkaz: Like they approve of this? Skip: Point taken. But still. I feel we should remain to tradition and sing a popular folky song. Mishkaz: Bah. Skip: hey they can sing whatever they want if you write your own fic! There, that shut you up, didn’t it? Now, excuse me people, I think we can get back to the show. Call out for your favourite songs! ~*~*~*~* So tell me, what should you all sing? (Hehe this is good get the MOB I mean AUDIENCE to do all the work… hehe. Makes a new type of interactive fic. All I can think of is the Sky Ad thing saying ‘just press the Button!’ Right. Sing, people, sing! And thanks be to Dad, who let me back online to post this! WAHEY Aren't we the lucky ones? Coffeecup you get a special part... soon |
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