| Re: Does this convey the proper emotion? 750 words.
he was tempted to stay where he was, to laze away the day in the shade.
The above takes some tension out of the posted section, more so as he is considering dying later.
His thoughts of death turn up in the last para - I would have liked more internal thoughts as well. A desperate failure in finding food - a fish that got away in a stream maybe. Lead us up to what looks to be a bad ending!
Minor considerations, all well written and held my attention well. A little over written in some sections but you have enough skill to hold me while you do your descriptions and lead me on, so I more than forgive you.
Welcome to Chrons mate. |