Originally Posted by Moonbat
Parson, I don't get it. Sorry, but it is as simple as that. From what I can tell:
Rachel is running from something
she has a claim of universal truth (from what I know of you Parson I can only assume this is related to Him)
She goes into a secret basement
? I don't know what the Gloria Patri is, when I first read it I though it was a woman's name.
Then she feels ok.
I think I'm missing the main part, in what a Gloria Patri is, I could have gone and looked it up, but I didn't (apathy.) I think sometimes my lack of knowledge means some of the deeper stories go over my head.
I also thought my entry last month was particularly good, but I didn't get any votes, and very few mentions. I wrote a poem, it was the devotion to the spoken word that I was showing (poetry should be orated) all tied up in a SF story of people communicating by thought which was the end of speaking. Also I thought the rhythm and rhyme would add to the devotion of how words are spoken. I think I didn't get the theme across well enough.
Thanks for your comments! I worried a bit using the name Gloria Patri, but I thought that it was quite well known, and that those who didn't would go look it up like I've had to innumerable times with mythology references.
Making it into a hymn is an interesting idea, but I'm not sure I could have pulled it off. I thought the dystopian nature of the piece was more than sufficient to fit the genre.
Originally Posted by mosaix
I suppose, Moonbat that Parson was trying to get across Rachel's devotion to God? For me, the 'devotion' theme didn't come across strongly enough.
As for your own entry, Moonbat I have to say that poetry just doesn't appeal to me - sorry
. It never has. I always read the poems hoping that something will click, but it just never does.
Thanks for your comments! I'm sorry that you did not feel the devotion. I thought it was the strongest point of the story.
Originally Posted by crystal haven
Parson - The overall quality of the challenges was very high, making it difficult to choose, but I felt a bit like Mosaix, the devotion and the consequences didn't come across strongly enough for me.
Moonbat - I really liked your entry. I thought it was clever, and liked the rhythm and rhyme. It was on my shortlist.
Thanks for your comments! I agree the standard was very high. I did think that the devotion and the consequences were clear, probably showing my own prejudice.
Originally Posted by Abernovo
Parson, I got it, including the Patria Gloria (et Filio et Spiritui Sancto).
I should say that I thought the second paragraph was beautiful, reminding me of the feelings I experienced when I sang in a choir. However the issue for me was in the first paragraph. With the title referencing catacombs and the mention of 'Radical Secularists', with the inherent threat to Rachel's life and job, the last sentence in that first paragraph didn't add anything new.
Please understand this is purely a personal opinion, which others may disagree with. And, if it's any consolation, I thought 'Divine Intervention' from January to be a superb entry. This probably shows how subjective reading can be. That story connected with me
much more than the February one did, whereas, I suspect, the opposite was true of you. Hope this helps.
Thanks for comments! I am so glad that you connected with Rachel's feelings. I was very happy with the thought of the last paragraph. I too have felt the presence of the numinous in choral singing.
Originally Posted by Hex
I couldn't get my head round 'militant toleration'! I thought the idea was clever, though, and it was very well-written.
The association with ancient persecution of Christianity made me uncomfortable for some reason -- I didn't analyse why at the time, and I'm not sure where it came from even now I think about it. Sorry. I don't think that's very helpful.
Thanks for your comments! I guess part of my problem was that I too thought the idea of "militant toleration" was very clever, and perhaps a little prescient seeing the state of the Western Democracies. But that view is likely not shared outside the Christian faith.
Originally Posted by TheDustyZebra
Parson, I understood yours fine, and, at least for me, the devotion part was clear. I think there were just so many stellar entries that it kind of slid down the list and fell off. The only other thing that comes to mind is that it didn't strike a serious chord as far as being speculative -- which could be very alarming to you, I'm sure! More truth than poetry, eh?
I loved the "militant toleration" line -- that was my favorite!
Thanks for your comments! If it wasn't speculative, I'm a very worried Parson indeed!!
Originally Posted by alchemist
I mentioned both so, phew, I can comment freely.
Moonbat, I loved the rhythm of yours. Add the content and rhyming and it was brilliant. Unfoetunately I think the amount of work you put into a poem is never reflected in tje votes. Hence I only entered one once, when desperate (thanks, chrispy
Parson, I looked up Gloria Patri and then kicked myself when I saw what it was. It helped me fully understand what was going on. I wonder if some folks thought it didnt fit the genre well; it's a future dystopia but were people expecting more SFF? Spec fiction is probably broader but that may not have been taken into account.
Thanks for your comments! I'm so glad that you did look up Gloria Patri. If I failed the genre test very often than I'm going to have to have a new definition of speculative fiction.
Originally Posted by AnyaKimlin
I think it must've been because of the standard as I don't remember it clearly, but here alone I get it.
The first bit did bring to mind a Dr Who baddy called the Happiness Patrol from the 1980s. (People in pink hair being intolerant in their fight for everyone to be happy)
The second paragraph is beautiful. The phrases the Gloria Patri rose from her heart to her lips and her heart provided all the harmony she needed are really great depictions of the feelings involved in religious worship. I'm not sure if changing it to the hymn or something more obvious would've helped, but I've included references not everyone will get in this month's. Gloria Patri flows better.
Thanks for your comments! I've never seen a Dr. Who episode so I wouldn't have known about that, but I can see the similarities clearly. I most pleased that you enjoyed the second paragraph. When I wrote it the first paragraph was to set the stage for the flowering of devotion in the second. It sounds from these replies that I was more effective in stating the devotion, than setting the stage.
I'm indebted to you all. This is a great site because of the people who populate it.