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Originally Posted by Starchaser3000  A very red in the face Redd I think a justification for his name being the same colour as his face might be in order. Is it a nickname?continued to debate the head sage in front of the emperor upon his elaborate altar/throne of pillows and silk satins. This doesn't make it clear who is on the elaborate throne -- I think the Emperor belongs there, but the sentence is ambiguous.And with all the sages seated in choir like fashion, solemnly and stoically behind him within the highly vaulted background. DopeThis name you really need to justify. was handled roughly in being returned back to his properly designated seating in the royal courtroom before the emperor. The character just appears being roughly handled and taken back to his designated seat? We have no idea why he is out of his designated seat.He now just sat there with arms folded, sunk in chair, and eyes crossed in annoyed anger. |
Starchaser, it needs a lot of work. I'll just try the first part of the first paragraph. I don't normally rewrite other people's work, but I'm hoping it will help you.
As always, anything I've done here is just my opinion.
He should be able to debate the Head Sage without blushing, but Redd felt his face turning the very colour that had earned him that hated nickname at university. Behind the Head Sage, Redd could see the Emperor lounging upon his elaborate altar/throne of down pillows covered in silks. The Emperor was framed by the choir of solemn and stoic sages, who were seated within the highly vaulted background.
The debate was interrupted by Dope, who had well and truly earned the name the Emperor had thrust upon him. Dope wasn't smart enough to sit down and shut up and let Redd argue for their very lives...