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Originally Posted by HareBrain  I read this one several times, wanting to understand it because I sensed an interesting idea behind it, but being left utterly baffled. The main problem was that I couldn't identify most of the speakers, nor to what they were referring. Who's been drinking? The acrobat? The beast? And, like Parson, fire what? Or who? What's been torn again? The canvas? Tell who what? |
Interesting. I thought the acrobat's clumsiness would tie the drinking to him, and the thundering of the canvas would tie it to the tearing. I have problems with this sometimes, which are made much worse by word counting, trying to get as much of a story as possible into a small space. I'm not sure you wouldn't have given me the benefit of the doubt if I'd placed my speakers somehow and identified them. It seems like that was a major issue anyway. It's useful for me to hear how it was seen anyway, thanks for sharing.
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By my count, you still had four words left. I think, if you'd used these four (and maybe a few others culled from elsewhere) to answer some of these questions, it would have paid off.
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I think as much as anything I was scared of it reading badly though. I could have clumsily added more hints (probably would have done if I hadn't convinced myself it wasn't opaque) but I hate clumsiness. That probably means I'm going to be bad at this, given there isn't really enough space to do everything as neatly as you'd like. I stopped four words early partly because I was paranoid about counting it right (everytime I counted I got a different number) and partly because I couldn't find anything to add that wasn't ugly.
Anyway, thanks!