[No One]

ARGGHHH! After getting my internet connection sorted it's giving me grief today - and I've just managed to lose my entire post!! Most. Annoying.

Sigh. One more try then...

In answer to your points TEIN:

Before all things, there was the infinite Sæd (or Ontos). (OK, one or the other - The thing is, who is there to say what this other name is if this is the beginning - it's confusing enough, without throwing in alternatives before we get past the first line. If someone comes along later and decides that the Saed should be called something else then that's the place to introduce that name. as in :- Then came the bullyboys and on seeing Saed, knot knowing it's true name they named it Ontos)

This is confusing? You should see the end-notes that are attached to the first line in the other version! Ontos is the simply the human translation of Saed used by holy men. Remember, this is a story passed on by a deity – it’s not transpiring in real-time. Also, as I said before, the bracketed information wouldn’t ordinarily be part of the text. I’ve only included it there to allude to the title of the piece and to link to the alternate pronoun of ontos-geneia later in the text. In any case, I (and I would imagine any author) can’t cater to readers who are deterred by absorbing, say, three pieces of information in one line as opposed to two.

Whether the Sæd existed in this way for an instant or an eternity, no one can tell, for there was no Time until it give will to the first Thought and with it took the first Form. (the two are not simultaneous: first there is self, then there is awareness of self having a form, or willing a form. one comes first and then the other. You can't think "I am" and will yourself to be an apple the first thought is "I" the what is the second. "Apple" means nothing without something to recognise it)

There is no “I” in Saed . But seriously, I wouldn’t exactly presume to know how the Saed “thinks”. For me, the two are very much simultaneous. At this point, there is no distinguishing between thought and form.

It shall not be said that the Sæd became finite, nor uttered here the final consequences of that first and greatest reformation, yet as a limitless light (limitless - infinite their much the same thing) into a fixed and brilliant star did the Sæd amend itself, shedding all else to become infinite Oblivion.(Assuming oblivion means oblivion then infinite Oblivion means that's the end. No more can happen - forever)

Agreed on the first part. As TJ pointed out, there’s a redundancy in words here. That ought to be easily fixed. Not sure what you mean when you say no more can happen, but between the Saed and Mikrosa and Makrosa, I’ve got all I need to create everything that follows. Oblivion is just the Saed’s way of ‘making room’.

So it would remain, still and silent and alone, through time enough to wither twenty-seven generations of the oldest stars today. (a specific star lives just the once, it doesn't have generations)

I take your point, but the term is intended as an equivalancy, as opposed to saying the Saed sat there for something like 300 billion years. It’s been a while since I brushed up on my astrophysics, but I’m pretty sure stars do have generations via the intermediary state of nebulae. Not sure it that applies to all stars though.

All things are second to the first of the Sæd and second came the first animus, flaring bright into the first element. (element or elemental? an element doesn't do anything - the first 'element' was formed in those 27 generations of stars) So was born the Empyrean Mikrosa.

Both. The creation of Mikrosa is one of the deeper mysteries of the mythos. No one can presume to know exactly how that was accomplished, turning an animus (also Saed Secundus, aka the equivalent of a soul) into an element. In that regard, Mikrosa’s birth is unique from all the others that follow. And the Saed can’t be considered an element in any conventional sense.

In her first moments Mikrosa knew blissful happiness, mesmerized by the beauty of the Sæd. She may have remained forever content, but that she reached out on a sudden whim for the wondrous thing before her. Only then did she see how she was not one with the heavenly body, (Can you describe the infinite as a body?) discovering her own form and apprehending her own will.

The Saed has a ‘finite’ form at this point, distinguishable from Oblivion. It’s just rather blasphemous and misleading to point it out :P Agreed again though that the word ‘body’ is somewhat misleading.

The Empyrean exulted in what fires she could summon forth and as she spun in joy her flames danced into Oblivion. Yet her joy was quickly crushed, when she stood with the Sæd behind her to see what endless emptiness awaited her judgement. (it's not quite empty - it's full of light else there would be nothing to see - and what can you judge an emptiness for)

TJ also pointed this out, and clearly the use of the word judgement seems a bad choice – it’s intent is only to point at how Mikrosa herself will react. And yes, there is nothing to see. I know this is a concept that can’t translate to any kind of natural thought – and it’s not meant to. The vast majority of lesser gods/titans etc, of later generations will never see Oblivion and if they did they’d be driven just as mad as if they saw the Saed.

defiance into Oblivion and defiant she turned to face the Sæd, where andher terror was lifted to rapture and the abyss at her back was driven far from her thoughts. So she stood, calm and recovered, but never saw what happened nearby.

Ayup, I’m aware of the repetition of the word.

“…and defiant she turned to face the Saed and her terror was lifted to rapture and the abyss at her back was driven far from her thoughts.” Surely too many ‘ands’?

There in the void, where her hottest flames had cooled, was formed a whisp of frost. (water then, but wait, the second element 'ice' is yet to be formed) Within it crystallized a second element, ofice, drifting ever closer to the Sæd to be imbued with animus. So was born the Gelurean Makrosa.

Certain leaps of faith are needed in any mythology. There are far more unanswered and far from logical questions everywhere in every mythology I’ve ever read.

I don’t see why it should be water in the first instance though.

In his first moments Makrosa wept (no, he formed and then drifted then wept or formed, wept and then drifted) in light and silence, struggling to be free from the overpowering heat nearby. When he stopped his weeping and first learned to see, he had drifted into the void (previously there was only void. Plus either everything is in the void or not - If he's there then it isn't void) and stared out into Oblivion. It was not so terrible for him, who had yet to see the Sæd, (then by 'light' what is he seeing) but for a time he could not know that he lived at all. He may have remained forever insensible, but that his infant restlessness turned him as he drifted, until he saw that distant source of all creation. Immediately, he reached out to it and discovered his own form and apprehended his own will.

Again I don’t see why that first part should be an issue.

I know what you’re driving at with everything being in the void/not void. It doesn’t make perfect sense. Don’t you think it would be somewhat more confusing if the god dictating the chronicles went off on a philosophical tangeant explaining otherwise?

With slow wonder, the Gelurean approached. (approached what?) He felt the heat of Mikrosa’s flames, yet did not see her for the brightness of the Sæd. He would have wept again, but that he cloaked himself in a thick white frost, moving closer still, willing to bear the troublesome heat to see such splendor. Mikrosa felt a subtle chill and her flames shivered, disturbing her from her place.(messy)

Approached one of the two other things in the entirety of existence. Surely no reader needs to be told that?

Mikrosa roared with anger, flaring bright, so fierce that Makrosa took flight. When she was alone again, the Empyrean became captivated (?), her pain soothed by the Sæd.

?

As he retreated Makrosa needed face Oblivion again and now, having seen the Sæd, it horrified him all the more. In an instant he forgot his pain and his fear of the flames and ceased his weeping. Turning back to the Sæd, his determination grew, and he resumed his cloak of frost, thicker and colder than before. When he soon returned Mikrosa was again unsettled and approached him in fury. Her fires were yet too fearsome and Makrosa withdrew, his cloak in tatters, weeping once more.(This para is just prolonging the pain)

That’s pretty much the idea.

For eons the contest of Mikrosa and Makrosa raged beside the impervious Sæd. In perpetual (there's nowhere to go from there) agony for so long as they fought, their great pains spurred them in their frenzied clash and as they fought they aged from infancy to youth.

Perpetual ‘for so long as they fought’. Although it is a little cumbersome – I may change that.

Thanks for the rigorous inspection TEIN. I’m assuming though that readers like yourself would put down many a book if there are unanswered questions in the first two pages or require some afterthought to be made more sense of (it seems to me that most books require at least that much). Of course, no story is for everyone.

Cheers